Regret

So, Sir and I typically have a phenomenal relationship.  We have been a couple for a very long time.  We fought like cats and dogs when we first started our relationship.  Our passions burned very hot.  As we got passed the first four or five years, we continued to be passionate, but fought significantly less.

Well, I was traveling this past week and Sir traveling this.  He's had many trips for his work recently and his work load has been exhaustive.  We've had house guests and activities for our kids.  School's out here and yet, it seems like Sir and I have had little time to just talk.

We've had little sexual contact in the week and a half to two.  I know this isn't a long time, given that many don't have sex but once a month or two.  But...for us, it's been disconnecting.  Our exhaustion, both physically and mentally has taken its toll along with a serious lack of time to talk.

So last night at 1am (I was always told, nothing good happened after midnight) after we have both been working and we're exhausted, we came to bed.  I had told him for the past two days, that I wanted to have an orgasm so badly.  We'd had quick sex when I came home late from being out of town the night before, but I had woken him up out of a dead sleep to do so.  He was leaving this morning, so last night was our only chance.  I was grumpy because of the quantity of work that had to be done and the lateness of the hour.  When Sir came to bed, I was laying on my side and he came up behind me.  He kissed my neck and ear and mouth.  He played with my nipples and I was breathing hard.  I was becoming so wanton.  I was pushing him and taking charge.  He stopped, pulled me over and looked down into my eyes.  "Whose in charge, fiona?"  he asked me.  "I am."  I replied flatly.  "WHOSE IN CHARGE, FIONA?"  he asked again in a firm tone.  "I AM!" I replied.  "You have to be here to be in charge."

Now, I KNOW that's not fair.  It's not fair to him or to us.  It was hurtful and inappropriate.

He rolled over and said, "Fine, then I'm done.  I was being dominant, I was trying.  If you're not submitting to me, then I'm done."  With that, he went to sleep.  Now I know he didn't mean that he's done with me as his wife.  But I was scared that he was done with me as his submissive.  I worried that I broke us as Dom and sub.

I was heartbroken.

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This morning, when he left, he kissed me and told me he loved me.  He's been very solicitous today on his journey.  I'm appreciative.  I know we said things that we shouldn't while exhausted.  I'm sad.  I'm tired.  I'm sad.  I'm sure we'll be just fine.  But I hate saying things at times when we shouldn't.  I'll have to wait until his return to reconcile fully and reconnect.  I am sure we will.  But for now, I regret what I said.


**************UPDATE******************
I sent him an email with this post, because he doesn't read my blog.
He texted me:

"I read the email.  I will never be through with you.  I love you and look forward to reconciling when I'm home. You will always be MLB"

We've talked.  Once I'm in this place, it's hard for me to mentally snap out of it, but sleep helps and I need to pull up my big-girl-panties and stop with my pity-party-for-one.