Release

I had a really bad day.

Master knew and was trying.
We had lunch together.
We talked and he worked on helping me through.

But by bed time...
I was done.

I was bratting something fierce...
ok - that's not exactly fair,
but Master would certainly say I was being
cheeky

He abruptly and forcefully placed me over the bed.
He spanked me several times

Oh hell...he spanked the tar out of one specific spot
with his hand...hard.

I could tell, I was in desperate need of a release.
I had bottled up so many feelings
and needed a release.

needed catharsis.

He asked if I was done,
I shook my head no.

He told me he was getting the brush.

Now, I'm not sure if anyone really LIKES the brush...
I certainly do NOT!

But, I knew I needed him to continue with my spanking.
I needed more.

I kept myself still and waited over the bed.

He continued with the brush,
over and over in the same spot as he had spanked with his hand.

It hurt.
It stung.
It was difficult, but it was just what I needed.

He spanked and I worked myself up...
and over...
and cried.

I cried

and cried.

and when I finally answered that, "Yes, Master, I have had enough"
He spanked me three more times,
holding me securely on the bed
and then he snuggled up next to me,
and pulled me to him
and snuggled me.

I was a sobbing mess...but
really

I was released from my emotional mess
that I had worked myself into.

I was...better.

After I calmed,
He lay me up in the bed,
and he made me cum...
oh dear God, he made me cum.
Over and over, til I was mindless...
and he put me to sleep...
released and renewed.

A Dom and Three Subs and The Gift Of Sharing

OK…so it's been a week since I was 

with sofia and nilla.  

Wow… seems like so much longer.  

Vanilla life just takes over!

Well…I had a couple of memories I wanted to 

capture so I can go back and remember…later.

So, Saturday night (last Saturday night)

after we had been to the music festival all day,

we got dinner from an off-the-chain-amazing restaurant

and brought it home to eat.

We sat in the kitchen and checked in with our families,

brewed some tea (oh…nilla is a total tea aficionado!)

and chilled out for a bit.

When sofia's Sir came home, 

we all got our food and sat at the dining room table

and ate a great meal.

We also commenced an evening of wonderful conversation.

It is so refreshing liberating to be able to 

discuss…uninhibited, unfiltered, all in.

Well, I was probably more "all-in" than

sofia's Sir would have really wanted…

but he kindly didn't kick me out…

though there was discussion about the fact

that he only had two tethers and three sub missives

sleeping in his house!

So we had deep, meaningful conversations,

we discussed the world,

we discussed our children,

we discussed schools 

   (of which I have differing opinions/experiences than sofia and nilla)

we discussed our blogs

we discussed spankings and marks

we discussed the kink community

   which I found fascinating, because I'm not active (have never been)

   in the community outside of blogland.

we discussed that mother-fucking-brush

   sofia's Sir had no idea that was so dastardly…or why ;)

   sofia shook her head … A LOT.

We laughed and laughed…

   there were sexual and kinky innuendos flying!

It was the most fabulous evening's conversation…

just never having to catch yourself and not share…

never to change verbiage to cover your submission

   (or His Dominance)

At the end of the night, we all said goodnight 

and went to our respective beds.

nilla and I talked a bit more,

once dressed for sleep,

while nilla brushed and braided her hair.

I laughed…and brought out my brush…

I have a wooden version of the 

mother-fucking-brush that Sir uses for 

holy-hell-that-hurts spankings.

I showed her the brush and 

we looked at the brush she was using to brush her hair.

They are the same shape and size,

but hers is the injection-molded-plastic

and mine was wooden.

I told her that the injection-molded one is the one that hurts,

mine, while being the same shape and size, was more thuddy…less stingy.

She held out her arm and 

I took both brushes and smacked them against her arm.

Indeed…she agreed…that mother-fucking-brush stings!!!!

Then we got the brilliant idea 

(Can't remember weather it was nilla's or mine)

to take them upstairs and show them to 

sofia's Sir so he could see, 

first hand,

what we were talking about.

So we rushed…like silly school girls,

with the hair brushes to show him.

sofia was LESS THAN GRATEFUL!

her Sir tried them out on his thigh and 

thought about them and seemed grateful to see them ;)

The whole experience was very funny to me.

When I got up ridiculously early to leave,

actually waking up before my alarm clock (yikes),

I dressed quietly and went upstairs to use the bathroom.

As I walked to the stairs,

I notice the crop hanging on a door handle…

which combined with the hooks in the ceiling that 

I had noticed the night before

put a smile on my face.

I went up to the bathroom and when

I entered the hallway…what did I see?

sofia' tether with a long rope leading to 

her bedroom door … that was closed.

sofia's Sir made the most exquisite tether…

the rope work is gorgeous!

I gathered my things and as I crept to the front door,

I thought about what a gift blogging has been,

Virtual and Online/IRL friends have been.

I let the cat inside so hopefully sofia could sleep a bit more

and walked to my car and 

began the long drive home. 

Sir's Answers with Color Commentary

I stole this from Tori at Pain's Pleasure (though mildly adapted to fit our TTWD dynamic)

An interview with my Sir (I typed the answers verbatim as he answered them)
...with MY color commentary.

Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked your spanking or Dominate interest? 
Sir Q:  Some of these might be unfulfilling answers...no not particularly.
me:  seriously, I think he's always been kinky.

What are you often called by your girl?
Sir Q:  Sir.
me:  Master will also pop up, or infrequently Daddy.

We're building a big spanko fire, which implement would your bottom/sub/slave toss in?
Sir Q:  the Crop.
me:  Oh, HELL NO!  The cane, the fucking hairbrush....I could come up with other options, but not the crop!  I'd dive in for that one!

We all know how many punishments there are to choose from, but what about rewards? Do you have a favourite reward that is used? If not what's something you would like to use as a reward?
Sir Q:  masturbating you with a dildo.
me:  That may be for him and for me...honestly, he has a thing for that gigantic purple one.

Whats that one phrase, that when its used, she knows she is in trouble?
Sir Q:  You've been a very bad girl.
me:  I would have said "Excuse me"...with that voice and his eyebrow raised.  YIKES.

What's something you would like to cross off your Spanking bucket list? 
Sir Q:  hmmm, now that's a good one.  Watching another girl spank you.
me:  Please!  Pretty Please!!

Someone comes to you and says there just starting D/s. Whats the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
Sir Q:  To pay attention to your sub and what they enjoy.
me: Wow, that's a good one.  I'm surprised.  I would add communicate, communicate, communicate to that one.

We talked about spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it, what about a BDSM style bucket list, what would you like to cross off?
Sir Q:  Tying you up all night.
me: mmmmmm!  I would add rope and dungeon or camp play or a cross or .... hmmm, I may need a bigger bucket =)

Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying it and finding it effective?
Sir Q:  Twisting your nipples really hard.
me: when he says really hard, what he meant was ...twisting her nipples almost off her body!  UGH.  

If your girl could take a break from a rule for one week, what rule would it be?
Sir Q:  OK, ya - that's a good one.  I don't know
me: NOT biting his lip.  That is my favorite thing and what I get in trouble for on a regular basis!  It's just so damn delectable.

If you messed up and you offered to let you bottom/sub/slave spank you, would she? why/why not?
Sir Q:  Yes, because every once and a while we switch.
me: He answered that one quickly.  Of course...we did it forever. No prob!

If you could only use one implement here on out, what would it be?
Sir Q:  Hairbrush
me: Now he's just being sadistic.  UGH.  That would be added to the fucking bonfire first!



I added my color commentary mostly because it's kinda funny - and he doesn't read here =)

SMACK"please"

We get ready for bed and
I work on putting piles of clothes in the kids rooms

By the time I've brushed my teeth and peed
and put on a night shirt (sexy - huh),
I figure he'll be out.
He was exhausted earlier.

I finish and I hear him say,
"Go shut my door"
"locked or unlocked?" is my question.
"locked." he replies with kind of a chuckle.

I lock the door and walk back to the bed.
"get the hairbrush" he commands.

Dread...actual dread fills me.
I'm not feeling it all.
I'm trying and I'm committed, but
the hairbrush - really?
That just hurts.
I've not had any spanking and he's always so harsh with it.
and it HURTS - did I mention that?

Crap!  I am hoping to jump start my system.
What if that just turns me off completely.

So, I have all of this dialog flying through my head
as I voice none of it and walk over to the bathroom drawer
and retrieve his brush and walk back to the bed.

"lay down on the bed bedside me, head down."
he commanded as I handed him the hairbrush.

I laid down and buried my head in the sheets.
Oh, I didn't want him to spank me with THAT.

To my utter amazement, he started off so gently.
It didn't hurt!
It felt fine.
No, wait,
It felt better than fine.
Not great, but each stroke felt like a ... smack.
Not really stingy.
Not really thuddy.
More of a smack on my ass.

He was moving the brush around, covering each cheek.
He also seemed to alternate his intensity
between very light and moderate.

The moderate smacks elicited a moan into the sheets.

Oh, I'm actually not hating this!

He then changed and found one spot and began to assault that place.
Over and over and over, he would hit, still varying in intensity.
I could tell, though that heat was infusing that place.

His moderate smacks with the brush were pushing my tolerance
and my legs were moving and my hips...

I'm all of a sudden aware that my hips are moving...
almost pumping...they are rhythmically moving up and down.

He smacks a couple of hard smacks and then
rubs - ohmygod if it isn't velvet.
His hands caress and it feels like he's rubbing in the heat
rubbing in the love and the care and the smacks.

I know that sounds so counterintuitive,
but the rubbing is loving and sensual and I'm feeling so good.

He picks back up the brush and begins again.
This time, I'm moaning with each strike.
This time, I'm feeling the blood pumping through my body
the wetness between my legs
the wantoness rising inside of me.

Each strike and my hips are flexing
Each strike and I'm moaning
Each strike and I'm wanting more.

He stops.

Nothing.

No rubbing, no striking, nothing.

I'm not moaning, but my hips are still moving.
"Ask for it, fiona."

"please." I squeek out.

"Please what?"

oh, shit.  He's going to make me say it.
I am going to be good for a week....I need to be obedient.

"please spank me with the hairbrush."
"oh, good girl, fiona." he says almost taunting me.

I lift my hips, without thought, I lift my hips!
Oh, god I want this!

He smacks me, moderately hard and it hurts.
But I do want this, I want him to spank me.

nothing.
just the one smack.
then nothing.

raising my hips up higher, I quickly ask
"please sir, spank me with the brush"
SMACK
"please sir, spank me with the brush"
SMACK"please spank me" 
SMACK"please spank me" 
SMACK"please" 
SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" 
I'm screaming into the blankets - my hips are writhing - I needed this!
I would never have dreamt that I would be begging for that fuckingbrush!
But I am...I am begging...with everything I have...PLEASE!
SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" 
SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" SMACK"please" 

Well Played

During our evening, lounging on the couch - him sitting and me with my head on his lap, watching TV, snuggling, he would spank my bottom periodically.  It was lovely.

We went to our room to get ready for bed and he says casually, "Get the glass dildo."
I look at him, knowing he's tired, and quickly retort, "you don't have to do this."

He quickly grabs my hair, turns me around and spanks, hard and quick.  I'm catching my breath.  "Stay." he commands and in seconds is back with a hairbrush.  He applies it liberally to my backside.
"How many do you need?"  he asks.  I am still and quiet.    "Do you get to tell me what I can and can't do?" He asks.  "

"No, Sir.  I'm sorry, Sir."  I quickly retort.  I know I shouldn't have said that.  Of course he will do what he wants.  He KNOWS he doesn't HAVE to.  Why do I feel the need to say that?  Ugh....silly fiona!

"Do you understand, fiona.  Do you REALLY understand?"

--------------------------------------
I lay naked on His bed, my legs butterflied open and the Glass Dildo in my hand.
"Put it in." he commands.  I am surprised by how slick I am.
"Go ahead, fiona.  Show me." He says.  I begin to move the dildo in and out, slowly.
"How would I do it?" he asks.  I begin to move it more quickly.

He's standing beside the bed while I'm masturbating.  He's pulled the covers down so they are pooled at my feet.  He reaches over and begins to squeeze my nipples, rolling them, pulling them, flicking them.

"Faster."  he says.  "Good Girl."

"Harder fiona."

"Oh - look at you, you are such a good girl."

I'm masturbating furiously while he plays with both nipples.   I'm feeling so objectified...so controlled....so adored.

My forearm is seriously cramping.  Like magic, he takes the dildo and fucks the shit out of me.

     I Cum, Ohmygod do I Cum!!

As it rolls through my body, I twist, closing my knees, trapping his hand which is still on the dildo.  He reaches over with his other hand and quickly shows me the error of my ways.

*spank*

*spank*

*spank*

*spank*

*spank*

*spank*

"Roll Over...Open your legs and Stay...just like that." He says.
"Good Girl."

He renews his efforts with the dildo.  Ahhh....

He takes my hand and moves it to the dildo.  He kneels beside me on the bed.  He leans over, putting his cock into my mouth.  He fucks down into my mouth and I am lost in noise, moaning, groaning, sucking, ohmygod ohmygod do I love this.  I suck and suck and he pumps deep into my mouth.  I am sucking so wildly, latched on properly.  I hardly notice when he comes, deep down my throat.  I suck and suck, long after he's spent, cleaning his cock thoroughly.  Eventually, he pulls out.

He stands up, slaps my cheek and says, "You are My good girl.  I love you little one."

Long Spanked at Long Last

Oh, thank you Sir!  

Spanked At Last...

Long Spanked at Long Last!!!

Hours with his hand, a wooden brush, a cane and the bamboo massage sticks.

He spanked in bursts ending a round just as I was reaching my pain-as-pleasure threshold.  He would spank harder for fewer strokes or softer for more strokes.  I feel the blow and there is a sting and thud at the moment of impact.  I can feel energy surges throughout my body.  It's kind of like the energy from the impact is converted to energy in my nervous system.  I can feel, literally feel surges of energy, tingling of my nerves emanating from the point of the strike outward, moving throughout my body.   The nerve endings in my fingers and toes are tangible.  I am energized, invigorated, excited and so aroused.

He regularly got me to the edge of subspace and let me float back down to our bed, back to him.  After many times of repeating that, he showed me mercy and let me float right up up and away.   I clearly remember the moment it happened. I caught my breath, then my body just relaxed.  I let go.  Soaring into subspace for me is equal parts of his gift of endorphins and my conscious decision  to mentally let myself go.  At the moment I go, my hand that had been gripping him tightly became completely loose and relaxed.  My breathing slowed and became regular and steady.  My consciousness was outside of me.  My thinking changed, time flexed, my mental focus becomes panoramic landscape in dense fog instead of a macro crystal clear portrait. I felt the blows, but the pain wasn't painful, simply there - not gone, but easily bearable.  I was calm, peaceful in the brutality of being struck, I touch tranquility.  It was just what I needed.

At long last, 

I had a long lasting spanking 

Floating away

Soaring straight into subspace.

New Year's Affirmation

I was quietly laying in bed with Sir last night.  The house is dark and quiet.  The quilt and comforter lay heavily atop us, swaddling us in warmth.  My Sir has me tucked into his side, my head raising and falling on his chest and my hand gently enveloping his cock and balls.  He pulls his hand up and is stroking my hair.  I feel so safe, warm, loved, comforted....content.

"With the holidays and traveling, it feels like I have lost some of my submission.  I miss it." I confess in a whisper.  I love when it is dark and we are snuggled and it feels like I can say anything.  It's not like I hold back, typically, but in this scenario, cloaked in darkness and safe in his arms, I don't feel embarrassed about anything.

"Well, this past year has been your year of submission, hasn't it fiona?"

My hard stops.  I am terrified.  Does he mean that we're done?  Does he want out?  Is he done with TTWD?  I've finally become confident in my position, in my desire, in my place.

Crap, Shit, Fuck.  I sit up - criss-cross my legs and look at him...Yes, it's dark, so I can only see an outline.  I'm holding my breath.

"Hasn't it, fiona?"  he repeats.

Breathe, breathe fiona - I tell myself.
"But I don't want it to end.  I was just saying that i missed it.  I have missed sitting at your feet, putting on your shoes, I have missed being spanked - Oh, God have I missed being spanked.  I know it hasn't been that long, but I have MISSED being demonstrably submissive to you." I say with a strong voice.

"I've missed it too, fiona.  I like you being a good girl.  I love you being my good little girl."  he replies.  Oh thank heavens.  Really!  OH THANK HEAVENS!!

It seems poignant that this conversation happens when it does.  It happens just before the new year and it served to reaffirms our places, it reaffirms our desires, it reaffirms our roles.

Last night and today, Sir has put his hand (and brush) where his mouth was...he has begun the spankings and I am feeling better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have gone through so many emotions in this past year.  I have felt...

...ashamed that I liked to be spanked
...nervous about wanting to be submissive all the time
...insecure about my ability to please him.
...selfish for wanting to always be submissive (remember we had been life long switches)
...vulnerable for vocalizing my deepest desires and accepting them as part of me
...satisfied that I was doing a good job when I did as I was told
...content to follow his directions, even in humiliation or sexual scenes which pushed my boundaries
...free and whole being a submissive to his Dominant
...excited-as-hell to be His
...happy to be able to accept my submissive, spanko, kinky desires
...horny, wanton, slutty... oh I've felt those too.

I am grateful for this year.  I am grateful for this blog.  Without Conina's encouragement, I would never have started this blog.  Thank you. I have blossoming friendships with a couple of blogland folks and am grateful for those.  They make my life much more complete.  I am grateful for you!  I have learned so much and been provoked into meaningful introspection by my reading of the wonderful blogs out there.  Thank you for allowing me to join in your journeys.  Most surprisingly, I have grown to really love the "conversation" that I am able to have with y'all who comment.  It means more to me than you know.

Happy New Year my kinky blogland friends.  I wish you and yours a New Year with ENOUGH!

fiona

Spanked Un-grumpy

I'm grumpy.

He grabs my ponytail and pushes me across the bed.  I DO NOT want to be spanked.  I'm grumpy.  He moves his hand from hair and pushes my lower back across the bed.  "I don't want to be spanked!"  I tell him.  He grabs the wooden hairbrush which happens to have been on the nightstand.  

   He spanks.  "No, I don't want this," I protest and tense.

   He spanks.  "no."

My whole body is tensed.

   He spanks.

   He spanks.

My body begins to soften.

   He spanks. "Ohhhh," I moan.

SHIT - I didn't mean to moan.  I don't want this to work.  I don't want a spanking.  I'm grumpy.

   He spanks.  

   He spanks.

   He spanks.

And in one instant, I feel it.  

My body melts.  I begin to pant.  I feel, actually feel, all of my tension leave my body.  My muscles go slack.  My mind goes blank.  My mood shifts.  I am focused on his spanking, on my breathing, on where I am right now, in this moment.  

   He spanks.

I have the most ridiculous smile on my face and life is good.
Me grumpy?  No-way!!

Spanked to the Rhythm of the Beat

I knew tonight would be a stressful evening.  About thirty minutes before the arrival of guests, my Sir tells me to go upstairs.  He turns on music and a song I love, "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men, comes on the speakers.

Laying over the bed, with my feet on the floor and my hands stretched over my head, he puts his hand on my back and pushes firmly down.  He takes the hairbrush and begins to spank lightly.  He spanks hard at times.  I notice, quite quickly, he's following the percussive rhythm of the song.

Yes, the actual weapons brushes he used.

Smack smack smack smack Smack smack Smack smack
SMACK (on Hey - if you know the song)
Smack smack smack smack Smack smack Smack smack

It is very rapid and the lighter smacks act almost like rubbing.  It is sensual and rhythmic and messaging.

The Smacks are harder, more of a staccato.  They give a quick, sharp and biting sting, but when immediately followed by the gentle smacks fade into loveliness.

The SMACKs for the "Hey"s of the song are sound and firm, reaching through to my core.  Once again, though, because they are followed so quickly by the gentle smacks, they melt into me.

By the end of the song, he says he wants to look at me and stands back and admires the lovely shades of red that he has painted.

I am ready for ANYTHING.

The Musical Spanking

"Oh My God!  That is the coolest thing.  Did you hear that fiona?"

He had just flipped me onto my stomach and had spanked me with THAT brush.  Ya, the brush that I love-to-hate so much.  He hit me again and I buried my head in the pillow, absorbing the blow and breathing.  Again, again...

"uuu uuu uuuu uuuu?"  I think he said something.

panting...panting

Then he stops... and I regain my senses (stop hyperventilating).

"DID"  **SMACK**
"YOU"  **SMACK**
"HEAR" **SMACK**
"THAT" **SMACK**

...and then he's laughing.

...and then I'm laughing.

Our beautiful black iron bed frame, the one that I adore, RINGS everytime he hits me.

The bed, my ass, the brush and Sir are a perfect TIBETAN SINGING BOWLl!!