Kinky Vanilla

Well, I read a post by Kitty about Vanilla Sex.  Her post made me thing about vanilla in my life.

Sir and I had PLENTY of vanilla sex in our 20+ years.  We've always had a great sex life...sleeping together (in the biblical sense), typically, 3-4 times a week.  We've been best friends from our first night together.  No, there was no sex that night...just talking.  ALL night.  We saw sunset and sunrise.  We've made love in many positions and gone to sleep sated, happy, and connected.  There was nothing wrong with our vanilla sex life.

My First Pair of Handcuffs

With all that said, we started with kink in our relationship, to some degree, but never named it as kink.  Within the first few months of sleeping together, we spanked.  I loved being spanked.  I can't remember the first dildo that he bought or the first vibe, but I've had them a long time.  I purchased our first pair of handcuffs and gave them to him as a gift over 20 years ago.  They weren't the pink fuzzy ones, they were metal police type cuffs and oh, was I in!  I have loved bondage and rarely, if ever, get my fill.  We've had crops and floggers and clamps...you get the idea.

We've had kink AND vanilla for as long as we've had us.  But the vanilla has historically been along side the kink, some nights this and some nights that.  As I have blogged before, our kink became more focused a little over a year ago.  Where we had been forever switches, we became D/s with sole-positions of D and s.  So for a year we've been settling into our roles.  As the months go by, the vanilla seems to appear less and less in our sex-life.  Now-a-days, the periodic blow job instead of a face fucking - meaning no hands in my hair, no loss of control, no force, is the closest we typically get to vanilla sex.

I have tried to initiate making love to my husband a couple of times.  We typically evolve into D/s - where I am clearly giving my power over and he is clearly taking my power and HE is in charge.

So I sit here, typing this post and am contemplating where we are.
       Do I miss it? 
              Do I miss the vanilla?  
       Am I not making love when we are sleeping together with our D/s in full view?  
Do we not connect on the same level when there are the trappings of bondage, toys, spankings?

I am LOVING my kink.  I don't miss the vanilla in my sex-life.  I do not miss it, because
       

I have vanilla inside my kink.  

• From each tender kiss to every loving spank.  
• From each sappy phone conversation that begins with an equally husband-specified sappy ring-tone to each tug, bite and clamp of my nipple. 
• From each snuggle, spooning close at night to each flog as his hand rests strong and sure against my back.  
• From each dinner conversation and parenting moment to every whisper of ownership in my ear.  

I love my kink AND I love the vanilla that lives within...

and I don't feel incomplete at all.

Spanked Un-grumpy

I'm grumpy.

He grabs my ponytail and pushes me across the bed.  I DO NOT want to be spanked.  I'm grumpy.  He moves his hand from hair and pushes my lower back across the bed.  "I don't want to be spanked!"  I tell him.  He grabs the wooden hairbrush which happens to have been on the nightstand.  

   He spanks.  "No, I don't want this," I protest and tense.

   He spanks.  "no."

My whole body is tensed.

   He spanks.

   He spanks.

My body begins to soften.

   He spanks. "Ohhhh," I moan.

SHIT - I didn't mean to moan.  I don't want this to work.  I don't want a spanking.  I'm grumpy.

   He spanks.  

   He spanks.

   He spanks.

And in one instant, I feel it.  

My body melts.  I begin to pant.  I feel, actually feel, all of my tension leave my body.  My muscles go slack.  My mind goes blank.  My mood shifts.  I am focused on his spanking, on my breathing, on where I am right now, in this moment.  

   He spanks.

I have the most ridiculous smile on my face and life is good.
Me grumpy?  No-way!!

Bite, Slap, Whimper

My self help group for one:
Hello, my name is fiona, and I love to bite my Sir's lip (even though I know it's not appropriate.)

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * 

So, I know I'm not supposed to bite my Sir's lip.  I know this.  I know when I do there are consequences.  But here's the thing. I love to - like really LOVE to!  I don't bite so hard that it really hurts (that's my story), but I love how it feels.  I also know, it is NEVER acceptable.

So, yep, you betcha...dumb ass fiona did just that.  I was kissing Sir in the laundry room and GENTLY bit his lip and

**SMACK**

right across my face.  Now I was expecting that I would not be able to get a way with it, but that was unexpected.  It was quick and sharp and ... shocking.  I put my head down and quickly turned away.  He grabbed my hair and pulled me immediately up against him and began to kiss me.  

I felt ashamed and guilty, I knew what I did was, not the end of the world, but not appropriate.  I didn't open my mouth.  I didn't want gentile affection.  He kissed, his tongue gently probing and pushing past my lips.  He was kissing me tenderly but firmly.  I opened my mouth ever so slightly as my body betrayed my brain.  His tongue took advantage of the opening.  He was exploring my mouth and holding me safely and strongly in his arms.  He was possessing me - loving me.  It was heady.  That mix of 

                correction + forgiveness + connection.

I could still feel the sting of his slap.  The kiss broke and he held my head against his chest and hugged me firmly.  I felt his strong body pressed against me.  Oh, I felt enveloped and safe.  

"You needed that, didn't you?"  he said.  No contempt, no teasing, simply a question.  
I buried my face in his chest and whispered, "yes, sir."

"You are going to be a good girl."  Once again, no contempt, no teasing, simply a statement.

He hugged me, released me and I turned to go.  I make it to the door and once again grabs my hair and hauls me up against him.  He grabs my hand with his free hand and pushes it against him.  I can feel him, his manhood, his rock-hard cock - pressing so hard against his jeans.  

I whimper and melt.  AHHhhhhh

Thanks for the Conversation

I love that I get to have a conversation every day, every few days, every week or two with the bloggers on my blogroll.  That's the way I feel about it.  We have a conversation.  I share what's happening in my life (albeit often my sex-life).  I read about what's happening in yours.  I leave comments on your blogs and you comment back and vice-versa.  It's a conversation among friends.

I never thought I would find a community like this.  I never thought I would fit into an online blogging community.  I have read for a while, commented for a bit and am a baby-blogger.  None of these were things I thought would be things that I did.  And yet, I find myself enjoying and feeling "nourished" by the online community that I belong to.

So I wanted to say THANK YOU.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your conversation, a part of your life.  But just as importantly, THANK YOU for being a part of mine.

Spanked to the Rhythm of the Beat

I knew tonight would be a stressful evening.  About thirty minutes before the arrival of guests, my Sir tells me to go upstairs.  He turns on music and a song I love, "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men, comes on the speakers.

Laying over the bed, with my feet on the floor and my hands stretched over my head, he puts his hand on my back and pushes firmly down.  He takes the hairbrush and begins to spank lightly.  He spanks hard at times.  I notice, quite quickly, he's following the percussive rhythm of the song.

Yes, the actual weapons brushes he used.

Smack smack smack smack Smack smack Smack smack
SMACK (on Hey - if you know the song)
Smack smack smack smack Smack smack Smack smack

It is very rapid and the lighter smacks act almost like rubbing.  It is sensual and rhythmic and messaging.

The Smacks are harder, more of a staccato.  They give a quick, sharp and biting sting, but when immediately followed by the gentle smacks fade into loveliness.

The SMACKs for the "Hey"s of the song are sound and firm, reaching through to my core.  Once again, though, because they are followed so quickly by the gentle smacks, they melt into me.

By the end of the song, he says he wants to look at me and stands back and admires the lovely shades of red that he has painted.

I am ready for ANYTHING.