We are struggling to get back into our...
I'm feeling like such an impostor these days.
When allowed, I so enjoy being submissive.
I don't choose it on my own, though.
Does that make any sense?
I push, I don't follow any rules or rituals,
I am sassy and rude (not always or even a lot, but still),
I'm simply not choosing to be submissive.
When we have sex...typically He's Dominant and I'm submissive.
However, He's also not requiring it daily from me.
We just start getting into our normal...
or what used to be our normal D/s or M/s routines,
and then we get busy or stressed or sad or have kids stuff and ...
we're right back to vanilla.
Forever, not just recently,
He talks to me during sex and says
what He's going to do...either during our session,
or right after or later that day or days or weeks and
it's so sexy and so Dominant and such a turn on.
But, then He cums - and
He's either asleep or totally back to vanilla...
though I'm sure that's not really fair...
it's just sometimes how I feel.
I don't forget, and I don't revert to vanilla.
It makes it feel too much like a game
It makes me feel let down or disappointed
It makes me feel like an impostor
and so I withdraw further
and am feeling so much less sexual.
I miss it. I miss the settling of submission
I miss the control, I miss the respect, I miss it all.
I don't know how to fix it...other than time.
I worry that it won't be the same,
that we won't get back,
that it'll just be fun...
but not real...
or just not.