Status

So I told my husband that
I just couldn't.

I couldn't be dominant right now

I couldn't switch right now.

I just...couldn't.

I was so shut down -
Physically - my body wasn't reacting as it always has
Sexually, I was not...Just wasn't.

But his response was.
I'm here and
I'm ready.

So...slowly but surely

He's been helping me back.

It's one or two steps forward and
one step back.
But...
there's movement.

He's busy
I'm busy
Life's busy

But we're trying.

Yesterday I was most assuredly OFF.
I was cranky and a general pain in the ass.

Sir asked if I needed a spanking
and I said - YES.
But sadly, the kids were around
and it would make too much noise.
So...I said - we just couldn't right now.

So...he did something he hasn't done in ...
A LONG LONG TIME!

He put me over the side of the bed
and plugged me
with the large njoy plug!

IT WAS HUGE
but...it was effective!

I felt so much better -
so much more grounded
so much more at peace!

We're slowly making progress.

Last Day of Vacation

...before he exited the shower, I whispered in his ear, 

"I want you to write a blog post aboutwhat happened in this shower!"

Here's what he gave me this evening.
(keep in mind, we were switches for years
and this sub is a sub at heart...
but can play her Master like a fiddle!)

Today wasn't the first time, but it was memorable.  

Mam came and woke me up from a light nap.  
She ushered me into the bathroom for a shower.

She had to desperately pee and wanted me there. 

She helped me to quickly strip and then all but pushed me 
into the cool shower.
It was warming,
but not fast enough.

I knew what she wanted
and I got on my knees in the shower.

We had been talking about her domination
and my fantasies.

I knew what she was doing 
and I was tingling on the inside!

I bent down and she peed on my face.
Marking me with her scent 
telling me how much she was in control.

After finishing, I proceeded to wash her body
from the sitting position on the floor of the shower.

After finishing, she ushered me to my feet
and asked me if I remembered her fantasy of the other day.

I was slow to admit that I did.

she turned me around and asked me to squat just a little.

She grabbed some cream rinse and before I knew it,
she was loosening my ass and masturbating me at the same time.

I was truly putty in her hands.

After what seems like ten minutes, 
she had milked me dry.

She helped me stand up, 
turned me around,
held me and cupped my sack.

Another stroke of dominance.

I could barely stand but I left the shower dreaming about what lay 
ahead on my last night of vacation.....

Accepting What's Given

I had been a general pain in the ass for about thirty minutes...

Now in all fairness to me,
the behavior and and attitude were reciprocated.

Well, after going and running some chauffeur duties for my kids,
I came home deciding to announce,
"I have had it!" to Sir.

Well, I walked in, put my hands on my hip,
Saw Sir at the kitchen sink,
stomped up to Him with all sorts of attitude and

He wiped his wet hands off,
Grabbed my neck and
growled at me.

He spun me around,
Put my hands on the counter,
held them in one hand and
proceeded to spank the living hell out of my ass!

He started strong and kept it strong.
It hurt...from the get-go,
but because he was holding my hands tight to the counter,
I felt grounded and
because I had to take it,
I knew I could take it...

Does that make any sense?

It was so impactful...
and yes, I mean that in every way!

He then pulls me up,
spins me around,
and I put my hands around his neck and hug him.

He backs me up...and takes me to the bedroom.

I was cheeky once again,
and Sir told me to lay over the bed.

I really wanted to listen...
as so frequently doesn't happen with me.

My stubbornness and abstinence too frequently gets in my way.

But he steps back out of the room,
and I quickly not only lay over the side of the bed,
but I also pull down my pants and underwear.

He walks back in and tells me what a good girl I am.

He rubs the large metal kitchen spatula against my ass.

I KNOW that stings like hell!
He starts small and I take it well.

He builds, as my ass worms up,
and it's starting to feel so good.

He then is getting strong and
I'm moving a bit more,
so he puts his arm around my waist and
throws his leg over mine,
basically binding me.

Once again,
that tether helps me settle in and accept what's given

He then stops and says,
"Three good ones."

I always get nervous when He says that.

The first one stings so much...
It stings and hurts and stings and
oh - as it sinks in it feels
warm and wonderful.

He rubs my ass and then
!SWACK!

My foot kicks up as much as it can,
and I breath.

It once again...hurts so much...
but I breath and wait for the warm...

mmmmmmmm
Ya, there it is.

Then he says, "Are you a good girl?"
"Yes"
"Are you going to be a good girl?"
"Yes"
"You know you can get spankings when you're a good girl, right?"
"Yes"
"Are you going to earn those spankings?"
"Yes"

!SWACK!

I almost stand right up with the strength of the hit,
but his arm around my waist and
his leg over mine tighten
and I'm held in place

and I can feel wetness on my eyes.

And he rubs and rubs and then commands,
"On your knees."

I don't know if he has EVER done that.
Spanked the shit out of my ass and then
commanded me to my knees.

I am just about a puddle of goo!

I am frantic to get His zipper down and
my mouth onto his cock.

I suck and lick and stroke and suck and lick.
I snake my hand up his shorts so that I can fondle his balls
and I'm ravenous.  That's the only word I can think of.
Truly ravenous for His cock.

BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP

I FLY up and run to the bathroom,
as the alarm chime for our house notifies us that
our son has just opened the door to the house!

Ten Minutes and a Cane

What happens when you have ten minutes
alone...

before the kids come home?






















Sir gifts me with some time
to let go...
with the aid of a cane!

Happy me!

Spanking Surprise Figging and Spanking

I laid down to go to sleep.
Sir finished getting ready for bed
and walked over to my side of the bed
He pulled down the covers and
Pulled up my night gown.

He proceeded to spank me...

my bottom slowly rose,
greeting the spanking -
every blow bringing my ass higher.

It felt so good.
I just relaxed and felt the world slip away
and I let the feeling of contentment wash over me.

When I found myself on my knees,
chest to the bed
and Sir's hand on my lower back...
He stopped and said,
"Don't Move."

He walked away.

WHAT??

I waited and he walked out the bedroom door.

DOUBLE WHAT????

I waited and waited...

When he walked back in,
I expected the spanking to continue.

He spread my cheeks and
immediately put something against my ass

It was hard and cool and
He was pushing it inside of me.

With no lube...that meant one thing.

GINGER!

I was so excited...it had been a long time since
I was figged!

He pushed it in...making sure it was seated.

I never saw it...just felt

My breathing became really rapid...
to say the least.

At first it was just cool and filling.
But quickly it started warming.

It must have been a very fresh root...
the heat took over quickly.

I was breathing and moaning and
feeling.

Sir talked to me...
but I couldn't focus on words...

I was so overcome with feeling.

He put his ear right next to my ear and asked
(maybe again)
"Too Much?"

"um...um...i...it's...um, um, um, 
it's...um...u...it's...it's....ummmmmmmm
almostbutno" I finally blurted out.

He rolled me onto my side,
slid me close to Him and held me.

He periodically spanked me...
making my ass clench together,
which upped the heat.

I held onto him...so tight...
wanting to crawl inside of him.

The heat was so overwhelming.
My body was moving - nerve endings firing.
My clit was pulsing.
My hips were writhing
My moaning was loud
and I was overcome with ...sensation.

I have no idea how much time passed....
He finally turned me back over onto my knees...
chest and face to the bed.

He spanked me HARD...three times.
He spaced them out for maximum burn.
Each spank made my ass milk the ginger
which put my ass on fire!

After the third, he removed the ginger and again
commanded, "Don't Move"

I was still trying to get my breathing under control...
my throbbing clit under control.

When he came back,
he rolled me over...
made me cum over and over and over,
prior to taking me.  Prior to fucking me...
Prior to sending me into another wonderful orgasm,
as my pussy then got to milk his wonderful cock.

It was amazing!!!!

Consistent Submission

I do marvel how
when I am not in a submissive place,

I can be a
   critical, 
      controlling, 
         bitch.

Lord, please help me,
I need to be pulled back
into some
consistent
Submission
to help me soften!

Morning Switch

Sunday I woke up and
as so frequently happened
I was snuggled close to my husband
and my hand caressed his chest.

He has his morning wood
pulsing against my leg
which is thrown over his leg.

His nipples harden
as my finger tips graze them.

I begin to play...
pinching and twisting and enjoying them.

I pull up my shirt and
pull him over
he attaches onto my breast and
I start talking...
whispering into his ear

engendering his feelings of
submission
and my dominance.

There are Sundays that we switch
and there are Sundays that we don't.

When we do switch, it's rarely for long...
typically just a session.

...but today, it was for about ten minutes...
while I worked him up.

And then...
He grabbed my hands, forced them up,
Put them on the headboard
and commanded me to keep them there.

I held on quickly and thankfully.
He pushed my legs apart
and shoved his fingers in.

"Oh, do you feel that?
You are soaking wet!"

He finger fucked my pussy,
quickly,
slamming his fingers into me.
building me up quickly

and throwing me over the edge of orgasm,
He shoves his boxers down
and climbs on top of me

and his cock feels like heaven.

Sometimes it slides in and
I feel so complete...

Like my pussy was made for his cock.

He moves...
my legs go around his waste,
gripping onto him,

He moves and takes a hand and
pinches and rolls my nipple

and once again, I'm close.

He pulls out,
waits for me to look into his eyes.
He slams in,
lowers his head and
kisses me silly,
while he begins to fuck me

into another amazing orgasm.

One that lasts...keeps pulsing and pulsing.

When I come back to reality,

I look up at him and say...
"did you cum?"

He smiles...
of course he did.

It was...amazing.
Fulfilling.
Completing.
Wonderful.
Switchy and
Perfect!

Anticipation Part 3

I stood up slowly,
Felt my naked body, cuffed ankles and wrists
and wonderfully flogged and caned ass.

I stretched and picked up the pillows.
I carried them over and put them in front of Master's chair.

I cautiously knelt down, adjusting to the position.
I put my hands behind my back
Intentionally working on being in a submissive place...
physically and mentally.

He walked over and told me to lean back.
Master sat down and unzips his jeans
He took out his hard cock
grabbed my hair and pushed my mouth onto his cock
Tells me, "Try not to move...at all."

I hold his thick, silky, cock
reverently
I loving the feel...the taste...the saltiness of his pre-cum.

I was so good.  I was so still.
I wanted...God I wanted...more
Wanted to suck and pump more pre-cum out of it.

And...then my will power failed and
I began to suck...
to suckle
being so careful not to move my head
I suckle and so so love the feeling
I feel such a deep appreciation for having his
thick, warm, silky soft cock in my mouth

Periodically, his cock twitches and it almost makes me begin to move my head
Each time it twitches, pre-cum oozes into the back of my throat.
I gag one time and immediately go back to holding it and suckling.

Eventually, Master takes my head and fucks my mouth a bit.
I absolutely love it when he takes my head
and fucks up into my mouth.
I love that feeling!
I'm so damn horny...so desperate.

He pulls me off and tells me to grab my lunch,
sit quietly at his feet and eat.

I so want to be a good girl.
I so want to listen all the while being so desperate.

I reluctantly go make my lunch...and we watch tv
and when I finish my lunch
I put my plate away, and Masters
and this time I sit back down in front of him
I put my hands behind my neck.

Sir puts his hand on my laced fingers
he holds me there for a bit.
I then move open my legs and feel so vulnerable.
so submissive
so lovely.

He then puts his hands on my elbows and stretches them back.
I love the thought of him stretching me physically
I love that I'm stretching emotionally...
working on my submission
working on my openness

He stretches...then holds...then stretches.
After a bit, he tells me to go into our room

He tells me to lay over the bed once again
He gives me the last one hundred
of my THOUSAND swats
with his hand.
He's spanking hard...harder than I would expect.
I'm so warmed up...it feels ...amazing!
but by the end...I'm beginning to cry.
He steps in behind me,
rubbing his hard, jean clad cock against my hot ass.
He pulls me up and hugs me from behind
I feel enveloped by my Master.

He tells me to climb up on the bed and lay on my back
I do so and he disappears into our closet.

He walks back out and chastises me
for not having my pussy shaved...
it's been a few weeks and is very fuzzy.

He reaches over and grabs a large rectangular wooden hair brush.
He spanks my pussy,
20 times with the hair brush.

I put my legs slightly together at about 13.
I am trying so hard.
But it's also so so so intense!

Immediately after the 20th,
he climbs on top of me
He fucks me.
So wonderfully!
He cums inside of me,
rolls us over onto our sides
and holds me.

Bliss!

Anticipation Part 2

I stood and looked into my Master's eyes
my head was swimming...I want...I'm so grateful...
I want....I'm so so grateful!

"Go get your toy and bring it to me,
while you're there, grab the cuffs
and the straps"

I was fuzzy and excited and...
so not functioning very well.

I walked into the closet to get the cuffs and straps
and knelt down and just kind of stopped.

Sir walked into the closet and kept me moving.
I got the cuffs and straps,
then walked into the room.

I handed them to Master and he asked what toy I chose.
I said I had a question.  If I could choose, my first choice was
His hand, but if I had to choose something else, I'd choose a flogger.

He told me that His hand wasn't a toy, so to go grab the flogger.

I quickly got it and He told me to hold my hands out as He cuffed them.
It's amazing how I get this feeling of calm as He straps them on.
Then he has me raise my ankles up and he straps the cuffs on them as well.

Then he puts the handle of the crop in my hand and tells me to follow him.
He walks me out to the music room and commands me to lay over the piano bench.
He takes the crop from me and as I am laying down,
He puts the handle of the crop into my mouth

It acts like a bit gag in my mouth
I find it...panty-wettingly erotic!

He then straps my wrists to the legs of the one side of the bench.
He puts two pillows under my knees and then snicks the clips to my ankle cuffs together.
He takes the flogger from my mouth
and once again, I'm anticipating the lash of the flogger.
I love the flogger.

I chose the first flogger we had that Conina made for us...it's just luscious!

He began...and it was exactly as I remembered.
It thudded so perfectly.
I was breathing deeply and just enjoying.
It's almost like a message ...
... in the beginning

he started out flogging the left side for 9
then the right for 10
then the left for 11
then the right for 9
back and forth - but evening out...
getting to 100.

I'm almost panting as the intensity increases and
he begins to flog me in a figure 8 pattern...
hitting one side high and the other low and then
reversing the motion...it is harder on the whole.
Harder and harder and harder.

I can feel the wetness of my pussy...it's almost dripping at this point.
Master hits 400 way to fast...but fabulously wonderful

He finishes...takes the handle...puts it in my mouth
and walks away.
"You stay here."
I'm tied...like I'm going anywhere
"I'm going to make my lunch."
He leaves me there.
Naked.  Tied to a bench.  Flogger handle in my mouth.
OMG, I feel so submissive.
So at peace.
So objectified.
So adored.

He makes his lunch...My mind races
then calms.

He comes back in,
releases my wrists and unclicks my ankles.
Tells me to get up,
put the pillows in front of his chair
and wait...

anticipating...

...more.

A Kick-Ass-Domme and Sir?

I've had a few days of subbing,
here and there,
in between life being life.

but honestly, I think that Sir is in need right now.
(not that I'm not...but...I don't know)

I'm totally sounding passive - agressive right now.

I feel like Sir needs it...and he certainly enjoys it,
so who am I to deny him...
especially by saying -

I know I enjoy it too so
I want it all the time and
I don't want to share my submissive time with you.

So...
I've been a big bad
Domme a lot recently.
(sometimes for a few hours, to a whole day)

I've spanked and cropped and
used a great new shoe horn I purchased
heating his lovely ass.

I've tied his balls up and tortured him mercilessly
(nah - I've had a lot of mercy).

I've played with a plug in his ass,
played with his nipples...

Most importantly, I've taken care of him,
talked a good mind-game
and been a Kick-Ass-Domme!

(seems like I need to have a different name for him
if I'm Dommeing...Sir just seems weird to type when I am in this role...
any suggestions?)




(I still miss being submissive)

Happy Birthday Belt and Dildo to Me!

Well...I don't know where to start.

This is my birthday week and Sir is starting out with a BANG...

We awoke spooning and snuggling.
That's how we sleep, typically...touching and snuggling together

This morning, I reached over and held his balls and cock,
as he loves me to do.
He started playing with my nipples, pulling and twisting and squeezing.

I was getting so aroused, before I'd even opened my eyes!

He rolled me on my back and fingered me and began speaking...
getting my head in the game...until I was so in the game I could hardly breath.

He made me cum twice when I asked him if he would...
please...
um...
give me three good ones with His belt.

He was so amazingly sweet.
He told me how much he loved it when I was embarrassed about that.
He was sweet and ordered me to get the gigantic dildo and
explained that He would help stretch me out and that I would
have a few more orgasms prior to His Belt

He did just that.
First, he made me give the enormous dildo a blow job...
moistening it with my saliva instead of lube.

He suckered and nibbled and bit while fucking me hard with the dildo.
I came and I came and ... oh lord... I was squishy and mushy when

he pushed my legs off the bed and jackknifed off the bed himself.
He pulled my arms over so I was laying over the side of the bed.

He walked around the bed with his Belt in his hand.
He didn't warm me up or warn me that it was coming.
He just...HIT.

But just once.  He hit my ass hard with his wide leather belt.
It burned and thudded and surprised and ...

AHHHHHHHH

He fucked my pussy with the dildo until I was so close, then...

THWAAT
the belt hit across my ass with the same intensity.

Before I took a breath, he did the same thing,
he fucked my pussy with the dildo until I was about to cum,
then stopped.

He repeated that several more times then

THWAAT

I was arching my back...it felt so good.
I wanted more...harder...more...
but he was back to the dildo.
Just as I was changing my mind, that I just wanted the dildo...
you guessed it...

THWAAT

I was begging...Please...please harder...please more...please.
I was wound.  Wound tight.  I wanted...
I wanted more
I wanted to cum
I wanted to be beaten with his belt
I wanted it harder
I wanted.....

ANYTHING...

I was a big ball of need!
Please - as hard as you can...Please
(yes, I actually begged for that...
what the FUCK is wrong with me?)

THWAAT
THWAAT
THWAAT

They were hard and one right after the other.
My feet never picked up,
My hands never left the bed,
I was in heaven.
His belt never felt so good.
He fucked me and i came...I came and came.

Happy Birthday week to ME!

Switching Around TTWD

So, Sir and I had spent
Many, Many years
decades even,
being switches.

Then four years being D/s, M/s, D/lg
where Sir was the D,M,D
    - and of course I was the s,s,lg :)

...and over the past month or two,
we have had moments of our previous selves.

We have switched a time or ten.

It's tricky for us.
Sir can switch very quickly and easily.

I have a bit harder time, mentally.

and if...
no, when I cum...I mentally switch myself
I put myself into a submissive role.

Sir feels some guilt for it, I believe.
and
I feel guilt for not fulfilling his switching sides.

It's quite a quandry.

We talk, we communicate our feelings and needs.
We're working it out.

That's why it's called The Thing WE Do...

Submission or Not

We are struggling to get back into our...
flow.

I'm feeling like such an impostor these days.

When allowed, I so enjoy being submissive.
But,
I don't choose it on my own, though.
Does that make any sense?
I push, I don't follow any rules or rituals,
I am sassy and rude (not always or even a lot, but still),
I'm simply not choosing to be submissive.

When we have sex...typically He's Dominant and I'm submissive.

However, He's also not requiring it daily from me.

We just start getting into our normal...
or what used to be our normal D/s or M/s routines,
and then we get busy or stressed or sad or have kids stuff and ...
we're right back to vanilla.

Forever, not just recently,
He talks to me during sex and says
what He's going to do...either during our session,
or right after or later that day or days or weeks and
it's so sexy and so Dominant and such a turn on.
But, then He cums - and
He's either asleep or totally back to vanilla...
though I'm sure that's not really fair...
it's just sometimes how I feel.

But

I don't forget, and I don't revert to vanilla.
It makes it feel too much like a game
It makes me feel let down or disappointed
It makes me feel like an impostor
and so I withdraw further
and am feeling so much less sexual.

I miss it.  I miss the settling of submission
I miss the control, I miss the respect, I miss it all.

I don't know how to fix it...other than time.
I worry that it won't be the same,
that we won't get back,
that it'll just be fun...
but not real...
or just not.

Fuzzy...Fuzzier...Fuzziest

OK...well, this morning was a ...
well
it's
kind
of

m
        i

    x            e
             d

up in my head.

Master was exhausted after a crappy evening and night
so this morning he slept in.
After all of the morning activities (done by 8:30),
I got naked and got into bed with a very sleepy and WARM Master.

He snuggled for a few minutes and then
turned over and began to have roaming hands.

He began playing with my nipples,
rubbing my body,
fingering my pussy.

He began talking...talking about being a "good girl" today...
being a "submissive girl" today.

He talked about stretching out my pussy with the Gigantic purple dildo
AND
about me NOT cumming until he gave me permission.

there was a lot of playing and fondling my body and
working me up...mentally...physically.

At some point, He told me to get a pair of nipple clamps
that I wanted to have on my nipples.

I grabbed the clover clamps while He got ...
i didn't know what He was doing actually.

My brain was already kinda scrambled.
I was in a horny fog!
Seriously Fuzzy!

He was thrilled that I chose the clover clamps instead of something more gentile.

He pinched and pulled and ... applied the clamps
and OWIE - they can so hurt...but lucky for me,
as soon as he applied them, he pulled the chain and put it in my mouth.
EEK

He then...oh - I know what He was getting -
He got the Magic Wand out and commanded me to "Open your Pussy"
When He uses that tone, there is not much wiggle room.

As soon as I opened up, he put the Wand on and ...
Oh, I wanted to cum.
But I was told not to...
I breathed...I wiggled...I squirmed, I moaned, I breathed,
I literally talked myself through not cumming...
He was so proud of me and when he told me to cum,
He grabbed the clamp chain out of my mouth
and began yanking on it!
I came...I came hard...
and then was - kinda - out.
Fuzzy...Fuzzier

"Go get the Purple Dildo, little girl"
I scrambled...wanting to please Him...
As soon as I turned over, began to crawl to the side of the bed,
His hand came around my back to hold me around my waist,
He trapped me, holding me firmly, and began to paddle my ass.
He didn't start slowly,
He hit full force on my ass...
The nipple clamps being tugged as I was forced face down on the bed,
My ass on fire...I was loud and
desperate for the pain...desperate for the pleasure
Desperate for it to continue...to end...nope...to continue!

The pain of the clamps,
the complete helpless feeling of being pinned down by Him,
the pain of the spanking
the knowledge that I could scream or carry on and it didn't effect anything
Was...so freeing, so erotic, so hot!

When allowed, I got the Gigantic Purple Dildo and
laid on my back and he looked in my eyes and said...
"Show me how much you want this"
(after quickly untwisting my nipples in those fucking clover clamps)
I took the dildo and slid it in seamlessly!

Oh, I was eager and wet and wanting!
I fucked myself and He took the clamps off...
As I screamed, He took my head and put it in His neck and
soothed me as he kneaded my breasts.
When I was calmer, he repeated the process
with the other breast.
His comfort in the face of the pain that He caused,
was erotic as all hell!
As if that wasn't enough, as I was screaming
through the second clamp coming off,
he used his free hand to take the dildo and
Fuck me Hard...
Fuzzy...Fuzzier...Fuzziest!

Punishment and Discipline and Us

I had never thought about
the difference between
discipline and punishment.

I kind of lump them together
in my mind
so deconstructing them
in my mind
has taken some time.

My current thinking is as follows:

To me punishment
is a consequence
for a bad behavior or choices.
It typically has no pleasure component
and is much more severe or harsh.
It's meant to teach a specific lesson.

Discipline however has been
what it's taken me
more time to understand.

For me, I see Discipline as less harsh,
and as a way to reinforce our M/s or D/s roles.
It could include or end with
some pleasure or fun or continued playtime.

I have also heard others refer to this as
Maintenance.

Because of all of the drama
over the past four months of my life,
we have been really slacking in our rituals
our roles have taken a back seat to...life.

There has been little required of me and
I have lost a lot of my submissive headspace.
It's left me feeling more adrift - less content.
While some of that is my grieving process,
some of it is the lack of M/s-D/s.

Master is now determined to get us back
on the straight and narrow.

I will propose to him that
more regular discipline or maintenance
be part of our lives for the short-term.
That we work hard on recapturing our
rituals and our spanking
I want to recapture my submission.
desperately.

This could be good or it could be bad.
There has been so little spanking
in the past few months
that my skin is so much more sensitive
and I am much less disciplined about
my behavior during spankings

It will take time to recapture
my proper behavior.

I miss the contentment
that has come with knowing my place
and my expected behavior.

I hope we can get back
to where we were
or
find a new and improved place to be.

Time will tell.

Release

I had a really bad day.

Master knew and was trying.
We had lunch together.
We talked and he worked on helping me through.

But by bed time...
I was done.

I was bratting something fierce...
ok - that's not exactly fair,
but Master would certainly say I was being
cheeky

He abruptly and forcefully placed me over the bed.
He spanked me several times

Oh hell...he spanked the tar out of one specific spot
with his hand...hard.

I could tell, I was in desperate need of a release.
I had bottled up so many feelings
and needed a release.

needed catharsis.

He asked if I was done,
I shook my head no.

He told me he was getting the brush.

Now, I'm not sure if anyone really LIKES the brush...
I certainly do NOT!

But, I knew I needed him to continue with my spanking.
I needed more.

I kept myself still and waited over the bed.

He continued with the brush,
over and over in the same spot as he had spanked with his hand.

It hurt.
It stung.
It was difficult, but it was just what I needed.

He spanked and I worked myself up...
and over...
and cried.

I cried

and cried.

and when I finally answered that, "Yes, Master, I have had enough"
He spanked me three more times,
holding me securely on the bed
and then he snuggled up next to me,
and pulled me to him
and snuggled me.

I was a sobbing mess...but
really

I was released from my emotional mess
that I had worked myself into.

I was...better.

After I calmed,
He lay me up in the bed,
and he made me cum...
oh dear God, he made me cum.
Over and over, til I was mindless...
and he put me to sleep...
released and renewed.

Beginning

SEX!!!!!

I haven't had sex for 

FOREVER!!!

well, 2.5 weeks (same thing really)

Until....

Last night. 

I have become unbearable cheeky

Maybe a bit disrespectful

And too unsubmissive. 

Master has been slowly reintroducing 

M/s into my day to day life

He's pretty done with my behavior

He's been doing a fabulous job

With taking care of his very broken wife. 

He's kindly reminded me that our dynamic

Is still what he wants and will be expecting. 

I'm still recovering from my surgery. 

Physical therapy comes to my home for another week and then I'll be going to PT. 

I still have a very loooong way to go (months and months)

But last night,

Master played with my body and

Kissed

oh God did he kiss

And I was kindly given several orgasms

And was...so turned on. 

I pushed Master to His back

(I assume He thought I would suck on him)

He was shocked when I swung on top of him. 

He was shocked and terrified - 

He's so worried about hurting me. 

I rode him and he held me...

Controlled me. 

I came with him and it was...

Maybe the most wonderful sex that I can remember

It felt so intimate

So connecting

So loving

So controlled. 

So perfect. 

After I cleaned up,

I cought my breath, snuggled up in the crook of his arm. 

Bliss!!

On and Off

So...blogland...

I'm struggling.

it feels so like I have been sexually, submissively, personally

ON and OFF

I have brief periods of feeling ON
so submissive
being sexually available
desirous
"normal for me"
I feel like myself.

Then all of a sudden,

I have brief periods of feeling OFF
don't feel submissive what so ever
am sexually blah
I just don't feel like me.

We all go through these periods,
I know.
But for me, it's unusual.

It's normal with huge amounts of stress
I know, but at some point,
when I'm having frequent huge amounts of stress
it seems like I should adjust and figure it out.

Things will get back to normal,
be kind to yourself and
let your Sir take care of you
and help guide you back
I know, but I am scared...

I've never had such frequent periods
of being OFF.
I'm also so fucking sick of it!

I am DONE being off.
I'm sick of being stressed.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm ready for normalcy.
I'm ready to be back to MMEEEEE!
I want yearn to be back to my fulltime submissive feelings.
I miss them, really miss them.
I'm ready to be stuck back ON!

(ok...pity party for one is over...now pulling up my big-girl-panties)

Learning

... ALWAYS LEARNING!

So a little while ago, I had the most fabulous opportunity
to be reminded that I am always learning...
sometimes it's what NOT to do.

So, I've been at this relationship stuff for a while...
I've been at this submissive stuff for a while...
I've been at being a kind human being for a while...

AND YET

Sometimes, I'm a total dumb-ass!

So things NOT TO DO may be highlighted with...

when feeling emotionally OFF,
after arguing with your significant other,
(let alone your Dom)
DO NOT haul off and hit His arm when you're frustrated beyond belief.

AND

When said Dom gets three thousand steps past PISSED off
DO NOT ask Him what's so bad about hitting His arm when
He hits you all the time.

UM....OOPS!!!

Ya, that didn't go well.

Funny...it took me a while to get what was wrong with what I said...
but I felt pretty bad about it!
We talked about it,
He kindly forgave me,
spanked me, then forgave me.

Sex Toy Store

Master took me to a local
Adult Novelty store...
(read sex toy store)

Sir wanted to find a bigger dildo.

At one point the sales lady asked if we needed anything.

I said we were just looking, thank you.

She offered to help - answer questions or explain anything.

So...it's probably important to note that Sir and I look...
straight laced.
I had on a sleeveless polo shirt and cropped jeans with healed flip flops.
Sir had on a polo shirt and khaki shorts.
Very conservative looking.

If only they knew ;)

So two funny things happened...

FIRST:

We looked around for a while
and then got to the dildos...

Our giant purple dildo is enormous.
and we want BIGGER?
WTF

but here we go.

What we discover is...
unless we want a two foot long dildo (literally)
there ISN'T a bigger one
at this store.
They have a HUGE selection...
an entire room,
and none are bigger.

YOWSA!!!!  That's insane!

I looked up at Master and said,
"Well, I guess this just shows how big the one we have is!"

I thought that would impress him,
but instead he looked at me and said,
"I'll just find it online."



SECOND

While we were looking,
Sir found a bondage kit for over the door.

We were looking at a display and the
sales lady came over and grabbed a box.
She handed it to Sir and said,
"This is a great starter kit. It has what's in your box there,
but a lot of other great things in it."

I kind of giggled and
Sir looked at it.  He then showed me the box.

It had handcuffs, a crop, blindfold and a gag
that I could see.  It may have had more.

Sir looked at her,
put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed and said,
"We've actually got everything else in the kit..
we're not exactly starter kit type people."

I smiled and then looked down,
trying hard not to blush too much
and laugh too loudly.

Ya...it's funny after walking around and looking,
to realize how much we are NOT exactly starter kit type of people!