Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Punishment and Discipline and Us

I had never thought about
the difference between
discipline and punishment.

I kind of lump them together
in my mind
so deconstructing them
in my mind
has taken some time.

My current thinking is as follows:

To me punishment
is a consequence
for a bad behavior or choices.
It typically has no pleasure component
and is much more severe or harsh.
It's meant to teach a specific lesson.

Discipline however has been
what it's taken me
more time to understand.

For me, I see Discipline as less harsh,
and as a way to reinforce our M/s or D/s roles.
It could include or end with
some pleasure or fun or continued playtime.

I have also heard others refer to this as

Because of all of the drama
over the past four months of my life,
we have been really slacking in our rituals
our roles have taken a back seat to...life.

There has been little required of me and
I have lost a lot of my submissive headspace.
It's left me feeling more adrift - less content.
While some of that is my grieving process,
some of it is the lack of M/s-D/s.

Master is now determined to get us back
on the straight and narrow.

I will propose to him that
more regular discipline or maintenance
be part of our lives for the short-term.
That we work hard on recapturing our
rituals and our spanking
I want to recapture my submission.

This could be good or it could be bad.
There has been so little spanking
in the past few months
that my skin is so much more sensitive
and I am much less disciplined about
my behavior during spankings

It will take time to recapture
my proper behavior.

I miss the contentment
that has come with knowing my place
and my expected behavior.

I hope we can get back
to where we were
find a new and improved place to be.

Time will tell.


  1. I definitely understand this. I'm grieving and so much has gone out the window that I'm not sure how we're to get it back!

    Thinking of you guys.

    1. Thanks Lea...I think we get it back - one spanking at a time ;)


  2. All of this - us - now - and the past year really. He says we are going to find our way back - so it must be so. I hope you all do - smoothly and easily.

    1. I hope you find your way back! It's so easy to revert to old habbits and loose what we loved.


  3. I always enjoy your posts. I'm such a lurker and rarely comment but I was glad to see this pop up on my feed. Grief is a funny thing. It takes forever and eventually without even knowing it, it's a little better and then time passes and it gets easier. Then things happen or memories, dates or even a scent in the air can put you back at square one. Sorry you are part of this horrible club of orphans. Just know that it gets easier. You have a lot of support here too! When you have days that are hard just remember that it will pass and you have a lot to be grateful for. Hopefully you'll get your groove back with DD.

    1. Thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it! seriously. I think the club...the orphan one...sucks. But, it is what it is...so grieving must take place and living must be done. I hope to get back into my grove...desperately.


  4. I am betting that you both find your way back...and maybe to something even better. It took me almost a year before i would be reminded of my mom and smile instead of wipe away a tear.....
    hugs abby

    1. Thanks abby...i know it takes time...I'm just impatient :)


  5. Been thinking of you, and hoping that you're okay. Getting things back to what you want does take so much time, and that's not necessarily a bad thing given the enormity of what you're going through.

  6. Grief is different for all of us and can last a very long time. Bit by bit you will find your way back have no fear of that.

    Love and hugs,

    1. I certainly hope so...it seems impossible right now :(


  7. Again, sadly familiar. We too are working on making our way back to 'normal'. (Becoming an orphan was so much harder than I ever expected). I hope that you find the comfort you need in returning to your roles and that it allows you to feel like you again. Be patient and know that the rough patches will happen- they are not failures.
    XOXO Pearl

    1. So so much harder. I don't know why...but it is. Good luck getting back to 'normal' as well.


  8. yeah. I totally grok this. There is nothing like rekindling the D/s to make you feel---sometimes just "feeling" is enough...but to be reconnected, put yourself into that perspective, to clear the mind and to ...to just *be*....that just can't be overstated, can it?

    Just a wee bit of face time with M helps realign me...and like you, we've not played in SO long that everything he does hurts like crazy. And it's good, too. For a long time I've forgotten how good hurt is. How calming and centering it is...even when you want it to stop, stop now, just fucking STOP...and he does what he does and you reach that place...that place. You know the one. I know I can't wait to get back there. :D

    Sending hugs and love as you work your way back to wholeness...it's a journey, remember, not a destination (trite, but true)...and your path will have ups and downs on it...and still-- you will be okay. When things really rekindle? Wow, you'll just light up the room, won't you?!

    Hugs and love,


    1. thanks nilla. I appreciate your wisdom :)



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