Switching Around TTWD

So, Sir and I had spent
Many, Many years
decades even,
being switches.

Then four years being D/s, M/s, D/lg
where Sir was the D,M,D
    - and of course I was the s,s,lg :)

...and over the past month or two,
we have had moments of our previous selves.

We have switched a time or ten.

It's tricky for us.
Sir can switch very quickly and easily.

I have a bit harder time, mentally.

and if...
no, when I cum...I mentally switch myself
I put myself into a submissive role.

Sir feels some guilt for it, I believe.
and
I feel guilt for not fulfilling his switching sides.

It's quite a quandry.

We talk, we communicate our feelings and needs.
We're working it out.

That's why it's called The Thing WE Do...

subkitty (aka Hislovely), ancilla_ksst and abby's Answers

1. Please feel free to ask more questions or follow-up.  I'm also happy to ask my Sir, as I know you rarely actually hear from him…as he doesn't read or write anywhere in blogland.  But I can ask and relay information.

subkitty (aka Hislovely) asked and I'll answer:

(sorry I got the questioner wrong…my bad.  I really do appreciate your question subkitty!!!

I would like to ask how do you and Sir Q recover from times when life gets in the way of the dynamic or get in to a fight.

If possible, id like to ask SirQ the same question.

This is a great question.  Life gets in the way tooooooo fucking much!!! Holy cow!!  But…that's life =) So, what do we do.  Well, we adjust, I suppose.  Sir periodically doesn't give a shit whose around, he'll spank my bum (just a swat, but a meaningful one), or he'll casually pull my hair or he'll take me around the corner or upstairs or someplace out of sight and "reset".  But when the busies take over or the stress gets overwhelming it frequently takes this sort of "Reset"…a hard spanking or beating, strong words of ownership, and tightening the leash so to speak to get us back on the same page and back into balance.   When we get into a fight, after TTWD, they are short lived and more infrequent than they were before. It's amazing.  Sir is getting very good at putting his foot down and resetting us.  I am eternally grateful, there is so little time spent being pissy or frustrated or angry.  

ancilla_ksst asked and I'll answer:

What was the first implement that really scared you at the thought of it being used on you? And after (if) you tried it, was it as bad as you imagined or did you like it? Did your feelings on that change over time? If you had to pick one of his implements to fall in a black hole and never see again what would it be?

Hmmmm, first implement that really scared me.  Well…I'm trying to think back.  Long ago…first…I'm not sure my memory is that good. I would guess that the first implement that "scared" me would be wax - not a striking implement, but something he used ON me. It scared the living bejeezus out of me.  Especially when he dripped it on my nipples or when he has dripped it on my pussy.  I don't think it was as bad as I imagined and I did like it.  As time has gone on, although we don't use wax frequently, I do love it.  It still scares me, every time, but I know I can take it.  I also know I LOVE it.  I love the fact that I'm typically restrained when he does it, so I have no choice but to let go.  It's in the letting go, that I can truly find the absolute pleasure!  
Now the second part of her question is sooooo easy.  That motherfucking hairbrush would go away!!!! I don't even know if I care what my hair looks like that much that I wouldn't do away with all possible hair brushes.  They are evil when used against one's behind! 

abby asked and I'll answer:

College sweethearts......how long did you know each other before you started into the D/s....or were you both kinky from the beginning and it grew?

I was completely inexperienced when Sir and I started dating.  He was not.  Though, I don't know if he had much or any kink in his previous relationships.  But ours kind of started out right away.  We started with switching pretty quickly…like within the first month.  Spankings and toys and bondage came to our relationship early.  He is very adventurous and so am I.  I'm also fairly insatiable so…we're well suited to kink, I think.

Rituals, Renewed

We don't have many rituals or rules in our dynamic.

But the ones we do have, have developed over time and
are very much part of our life.

I really enjoy them and Sir does too.

I have missed them, very much.
I've not been doing any of them for almost three-four weeks now.

Though I have rebelled and refused to follow our rituals
for a day ... from rare time to time, I've been pretty consistent
(except for this odd extended period)
for the past...
oh, say six months...
no - it's longer than that
maybe eight or ten

-just a minute, let me ask Sir -


HOLY SHIT...

He thinks it's been the better part of a year.
Dayam!
You know, he's right.
Now that I think about it...there are a couple of rituals
that I have been doing for about a year!

There are others that kind of come and go
or that I don't really see as rituals...more as rules.

But there are two rituals, that I have been picking back up...
in my effort to put my life back together.

They feel good.
Doing them helps me feel like I am serving.
They help me feel like I'm doing what HE wants.
I'm being good
and I'm really happy with that.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
What are our rituals....you ask.
(or not, in which case, don't read anymore)

Well these two that I'm writing about
aren't earth shattering or public or particularly sexy.

First,
Each morning after Sir gets dressed,
he sits in a chair beside the bed.
I get out of bed and sit on the floor at his feet.
I look up at him and he hands me his socks.
I lift each foot and set it on my leg and
one at a time, put them on each foot.

Then one at a time, I put on his shoes on,
sit each foot on the floor,
and tie each shoelace.

I love doing that - I love sitting at his feet.
I may experiment with kissing each shoe
and see if he likes that.
(hmmm....I'll let you know how that goes)

Second,
When Sir is ready to sleep...actually sleep,
in whatever position he sleeps in...on his back or side,
I reach one hand down and
my hand cups his balls
and my thumb and forefinger reach up
and holds his cock.

As he slowly drifts to sleep each night,
I cradle him and it comforts him
....and me.

Switching

This is an answer to joey's question and clarification to a followup question by aisha:

**************************************************************

So Sir and I were a couple who switched D and s roles at a whim.  We regularly had vanilla sex, but more frequently had some D or s as part of the dynamic.  But who was being Dom and who was sub depended on the day and on the need.  Submission filled a huge need in our lives when we were feeling stressed or overwhelmed by life...by work.  Submission was a way to safely float away from all of that, like it or not.  For me, submission was an aphrodisiac and at the heart of all my fantasies.

I know I've gone on and on about how....yikes....a year and a half ago (time flies when your being spanked and flogged), the switching stopped being our norm and D/s became D (Sir) and s (fiona).  This has been 100% fulfilling for me.  I have NO need for being Dominant.  It is not something that EVER is part of my fantasies.  I have never - not once - thought about it in a fantasy.  If I ever dominated Sir and had an orgasm, the fantasy in my mind was one of submission.

But Sir gets something from Dominating me AND from submitting.  They both fuel him.  They fulfill different needs.  If Sir is ever super stressed with a great deal or emotionally wrung out, etc.... then submission may appeal to him.  It's not frequent, but still there.




I've been uneasy blogging about this.  I don't know why I felt like it was inappropriate.  I think in my mind, I worried that others might think my Sir is less than he is because he switches periodically.  The same could be said for me...that I was less submissive because I would dominate periodically.   But then, I was talking with a kinky friend of mine and she asked why I felt it was not blogable - that masculinity and virility has absolutely nothing to do with which side of a flogger you're on.  So, I've been thinking about that.  My adoration for my Sir is unflappable and undeniable.  My place and relationship with him is Rock SOLID.  My submission is absolute, but more importantly, his Dominance is also absolute.  This blog is mine.  I should write what I want and not worry.  This community has proven to be extraordinarily accepting and loving and kind.  So...

D/s, 99% of the time, for US means D (Sir) and s (fiona).  However, 1% of the time, he really needs a playtime of submission.  This submission is only playtime.  The fascinating thing is he SWITCHES back in prime fashion.  Typically at the end of me dominating him, he growls in that animalistic way, becomes amazingly primal, ULTRA dominant and flips me, fucks me and reasserts his dominance.  He reclaims what is HIS.  We end every time in very solid D (Sir) / s (fiona)  roles.

We fulfill our needs and remain the same, fabulous, in love, passionate, attune, couple that we are.  He maintains his Dominance and I maintain my submission.  I no longer consider us to be switches because this is never emotionally tied, it is only physical in nature, it happens few and far between and because the play is momentary and inside our bedroom only, while our typical D/s is in and outside the bedroom.

WE make TTWD what it needs to be for US and  ...  it WORKS!

Answers Four Thru Six

Again, I would like to thanks y'all for the questions.  If you have any additional, please feel free to ask away...as it is MARCH.  If you have questions for my Sir, I'm happy to relay them as well as his response.


**************************************************************
julia:  In what areas have you seen changes since starting ttwd other than really obvious ones? (so outside the bedroom I guess)

Yes, well there are the obvious ones....with regard to the actual things done in our bedroom (or where ever else we happen to have sex - hehehe).  So outside of the bedroom, I've noticed Sir as being more take charge and confident.  I also notice him as being more observant, or maybe it's that he cares and knows how to stop behavior that is inappropriate by me.  I have also noticed that I am much more laid back, just in general.  As I've become middle aged, I know that I've mellowed.  However with ttwd I have also mellowed as a result of my desire to submit and his willingness to Dominate.  Because here's where the rubber meets the road, we BOTH must do those things for this D/s relationship to work.  I have to be willing and so does he.  But I am much less controlling, I worry less, I stress less - I can just let go.  I don't have to drive all the time, I don't  have to comment on everything that he does or says, I can let him take care of me, I can let him take care of the kids when they are being rude or inappropriate.  I can stop trying to control, EVERYTHING.  I feel much more content and much more grounded.

How about you, how has ttwd changed things for you?

**************************************************************

bleuame: What is your favourite thing about blogging in this 'niche'? and what do you dislike about blogging in this 'niche'?

Oh is one is EASY.  The best part is the people.  I love love love the bloggers and commenters!  It is AWESOME.  I have made friends and I really enjoy the conversations that I have with others through posts and comments. 

I've learned a lot about myself, become more comfortable with myself, my desires, my relationship with the support of this online community.  

The thing that I dislike is the need for anonymity and that separation of Blogland vs. IRL.  I feel like everything I write I have to constantly be on the look out for saying something I shouldn't, something that would "out" me or my family.   

**************************************************************

aisha:  And what is your favorite thing about TTWD?

Hmmm....(think Sound of Music)

Thick cock in my mouth and pre-cum on my lips

Belts, floggers and canes caressing ass, tits, thighs and hips

Subspace found as I sore away on D/s wings

These are a few of my favorite things

OK, in all seriousness, I love how alive and sexually reconnected Sir and I have become with ttwd.  We have ALWAYS been very sexually attracted to each other.  For the past couple of decades, we have had a LOT of sex.  TTWD is responsible for the insane sexual intensity that exists.  We also talk a LOT.  We talk about everything. TTWD fosters that communication, that openness, that for us is essential in having a healthy amazing marriage.

Thanks aisha.  So, what's your favorite thing??

Answers One thru Three

Thanks for the questions.

I really appreciate them, really!
It's interesting to explore questions that people ask...think about something I haven't thought about before...things that I often just hadn't thought about or explored.  So...really - Thank YOU!


I will answer in a couple of posts.  Please feel free to ask more or follow-up.  I'm also happy to ask my Sir, as I know you NEVER actually hear from him...as he doesn't read or write anywhere in blogworld.  But I can ask and relay information.

**************************************************************
joey:  fiona, Have you ever switched roles with your Sir, even for a few hours?  Hug,  joey

I've actually got a post about this that I will post soon.  It is worthy of a whole post, though - because it is a long answer.  The short answer is that until a year and a half ago, we were switches....so, historically it was a regular occurrence.  Have you always been a switch?  Do you have any aspects of D/s, DD, BDSM in your relationship with your wife?  - joey, I know - you didn't offer to answer questions...so you are more than welcome to ignore =)

**************************************************************

DelFonte:  Hi Fiona,  Your D/s dynamic appears very sexual and bedroom oriented, how does it influence other parts of your life? How do you maintain your submission?  DF

Well, our D/s dynamic is definitely physically demonstrated when we are in or bedroom (having sex).  That said, we are not bedroom only folks.

I have learned that I enjoy being submissive.  I've spent a childhood being large-and-in-charge.  I worked very hard and it was necessary that I was very responsible from an early age.  I am an extremely capable young woman, but I must say that all of the stress, responsibility, weight on my shoulders did take a toll.  I needed help or it would crush me at some point. And...that's where Sir Q stepped in and took a more permanent roll of Dom.

He helps me maintain my submission. He has a look he can give me that I will immediately acquiesce to or pull my self together if I was inappropriate.  He will touch me or pull my hair or slap my ass or squeeze my hand as a reminder or reprimand if I am being a particular pain in the ass in public.  I freely give him final say on a great deal.  If we are home, and I'm being cheeky (as he puts it), he will simply march me upstairs to our room and straighten me out =)

That said, we have been together for over two decades, we are partners in crime.  We help each other, support each other, adore each other.

How about you DF...what helps you maintain your lifestyle?

**************************************************************

Lola:  How many hours per week do you spend having sex?

Hmmm...well on average, I'd say it's about 7-8 hours per week having sex...actually having sex - you know, naked, groping, sucking, fucking.  But there is a lot of playtime, foreplay, spankings, fondling,  groping, rubbing, pinching, etc.  

We're a BDSM couple, a D/s couple.  We have playtime, frequently.  We have sex typically five-seven days a week.  Some days we have sex more than once a day, some weeks we have sex less than five days.  We have short quickies - you know, fifteen/twenty minutes...and we have times where it's hours - with ejaculation happening multiple times.  So there is a LOT of variation.  The younger people in our house see us kiss and hug frequently.  We are crazy mushy and have a lot of stolen, hidden moment of sexual excitement and pleasure.

Electric Nipples...Mmmm Good!

"Lay across my bed, fiona," he commands in a low, patient voice.

Oh no - is my only thought as I lay across his bed.

"Take off your shirt."

I am now laying across his bed with my pants on - he had me remove my bra earlier in the evening.   I know he's planning on playing...it's far to early to be secluded in our room to not play.  Oh, what does he have in mind.

"Close your eyes, fiona.  Goodgirl (yes, he says it like it's one word).  Now keep them closed, little one."

I feel...Oh...OH, he's putting something on my nipples.  It's cold and covers - like an inch and a half around my nipple.  It's foreign, I don't know what it is.  I feel the pull to open my eyes, but want to be good.  That disconnect - desire to open - desire to please is arousing, intoxicating.

Ohmygod, ohmygod...prickles, stings, little tiny stabs of electricity start to go through my nipples.  HOLY SHIT, he got out the TENS machine...we discussed this, but never did.  Ohmygod.  It feels painful, but just barley.  It is intense in all the right ways.

He lets me adjust to this feeling, all the while adding to it.  He's changing the intensity of the TENS and his other hand is rubbing, gently, his fingertips along my body.  Touching around my belly button.  Going in and out, up my side and down my arm, around my neck, giving it a squeeze.  AAHHHHH.

He touches me all over, eventually making his way back down my navel.  He unbuttons my jeans and slips them off along with my panties.  He pushes my knees apart and gently touches my calfs, my knees, my thighs.  He wanders his fingers around my soft, warm folds.  He touches my wetness and spreads it around my lips.  He dips his fingers into my warm honey, making me moan even louder.

After building the tension inside of me, he removes his fingers and quickly replaces them with The Dildo.  It's so large as he gently stretches me as he invades my pussy.  I'm so tight around it, it's not sliding in easily even though I am oh, so wet.

"If its a bit hard for you to take, that's ok. I want you to take it anyway I give it to you.  Do you understand, fiona?"  he says.

With those words, I relax and the dildo slides in.  He fucks me with it slow - in and out.  He makes sure its considerable length is naturally lubricated with my nectar before he pushes it harder and faster.

The tingling on my nipples, the penetration that is so filling and rough and claiming.  Oh, I am so....horny.

"What are you imagining, fiona?" he asks.
"you're putting a big dick inside me." i breathlessly reply.

"Is it mine?  Is it someone else's?"

AHHHHH.  He fucks me with The Dildo and I come apart.

"Ask me for it." he commands.
         what the FUCK is it with him wanting me to ask??????
"Please make me take the big dick, sir." I breath.  "Please let me cum."

Now typically, I do NOT ask to cum, he doesn't EVER really control that.  It was where I was.  It was the wonton, horny, sexually deviant, slut that was deep inside me screaming for freedom.

and with that...he renews his assault, turning up the TENS and fucking me with recless abandon and I CUM...HUGE.

He removes The Dildo and I close my knees and feel so bereft, so empty - cranving fullness!

I hear a zip but don't look as I roll my knees back and forth - my body apart from my mind.

He removes the TENS from my nipples.  He sucks on each and Oh, it feels like warm ocean waves rolling over my overly sensitive nubs.  He leans up and with no preamble, he's inside of me.  His shirt on, jeans on, zipper open allowing his cock to mate up with my sex. He starts to move and he's not being any too gentile...he's fucking in roughly the same manner he was with The Dildo.  My hands go up to his chest and push against him.

I want.  I want his cock inside - as deep as I can.  He's slamming into me and I'm leavering his torso to get him as deep inside as possible. He's pumping into me and I cum apart. My Sir is a large man. He is tall and very muscular. I cum and my body clenches around him...but not just my pussy.  All of my muscles seem to tighten.  I am fuly supporting his upper body on my arms because I am pushing so hard. I cum and he cums and I just don't stop. I can feel my pussy gripping onto his cock with the power I have never experienced.  I can feel me milking him and know he has deposited his seed deep inside me.  He's stopped pumping and yet my body just continues to pulse. I am lost to the sensation, panting, shuddering, moaning...lost.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
He tucks me into bed and tells me he'll clean everything up. He kisses my forehead and turns off the light. I am thoroughly, roughly fucked and exhausted, lay sated.

New Year's Affirmation

I was quietly laying in bed with Sir last night.  The house is dark and quiet.  The quilt and comforter lay heavily atop us, swaddling us in warmth.  My Sir has me tucked into his side, my head raising and falling on his chest and my hand gently enveloping his cock and balls.  He pulls his hand up and is stroking my hair.  I feel so safe, warm, loved, comforted....content.

"With the holidays and traveling, it feels like I have lost some of my submission.  I miss it." I confess in a whisper.  I love when it is dark and we are snuggled and it feels like I can say anything.  It's not like I hold back, typically, but in this scenario, cloaked in darkness and safe in his arms, I don't feel embarrassed about anything.

"Well, this past year has been your year of submission, hasn't it fiona?"

My hard stops.  I am terrified.  Does he mean that we're done?  Does he want out?  Is he done with TTWD?  I've finally become confident in my position, in my desire, in my place.

Crap, Shit, Fuck.  I sit up - criss-cross my legs and look at him...Yes, it's dark, so I can only see an outline.  I'm holding my breath.

"Hasn't it, fiona?"  he repeats.

Breathe, breathe fiona - I tell myself.
"But I don't want it to end.  I was just saying that i missed it.  I have missed sitting at your feet, putting on your shoes, I have missed being spanked - Oh, God have I missed being spanked.  I know it hasn't been that long, but I have MISSED being demonstrably submissive to you." I say with a strong voice.

"I've missed it too, fiona.  I like you being a good girl.  I love you being my good little girl."  he replies.  Oh thank heavens.  Really!  OH THANK HEAVENS!!

It seems poignant that this conversation happens when it does.  It happens just before the new year and it served to reaffirms our places, it reaffirms our desires, it reaffirms our roles.

Last night and today, Sir has put his hand (and brush) where his mouth was...he has begun the spankings and I am feeling better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have gone through so many emotions in this past year.  I have felt...

...ashamed that I liked to be spanked
...nervous about wanting to be submissive all the time
...insecure about my ability to please him.
...selfish for wanting to always be submissive (remember we had been life long switches)
...vulnerable for vocalizing my deepest desires and accepting them as part of me
...satisfied that I was doing a good job when I did as I was told
...content to follow his directions, even in humiliation or sexual scenes which pushed my boundaries
...free and whole being a submissive to his Dominant
...excited-as-hell to be His
...happy to be able to accept my submissive, spanko, kinky desires
...horny, wanton, slutty... oh I've felt those too.

I am grateful for this year.  I am grateful for this blog.  Without Conina's encouragement, I would never have started this blog.  Thank you. I have blossoming friendships with a couple of blogland folks and am grateful for those.  They make my life much more complete.  I am grateful for you!  I have learned so much and been provoked into meaningful introspection by my reading of the wonderful blogs out there.  Thank you for allowing me to join in your journeys.  Most surprisingly, I have grown to really love the "conversation" that I am able to have with y'all who comment.  It means more to me than you know.

Happy New Year my kinky blogland friends.  I wish you and yours a New Year with ENOUGH!

fiona

Merry Christmas My Kinky Friends

Merry Christmas!  

With travel, family, friends, parties, shopping, wrapping....phew!  It's a lot.  

I am so content with my life with Sir.  Even with all of the business listed above, with staying in places that are not our home, with parties and family abounding, TTWD is still in tact.  When I struggle, he's there to ground me, recenter me, love me and spank me.  

We've had significantly less sex than we typically do, but that's to be expected.  Wonderfully, though, we are still managing some sex and it is very satisfying.  

He's played with me every night as he goes to sleep.  Last night after playing with my nipples and getting me all worked up, he mounted me.  He slowly and quietly pumped in and out.  As he played with my nipples, I worked hard to measure my breathing absorb the pleasure and be very very quiet.  He quickened and I could tell he was getting close.  He shifted, unexpectedly, and in moment was inside my mouth and I was sucking him to completion.  Nice, neat and oh so comforting.  With his cock squeaky-clean, he snuggled me into his side, caressed my cheek, kissed my forehead and wished his "good-girl" goodnight.  Oh, how I adore this man.  

Tonight, as Santa cruises over head, when children and parents are nestled in their beds, this will be what Sir unwraps.

Merry Christmas My Kinky Friends.  I am grateful for my blogland friends and wish you all a good night.