Saturday, March 9, 2013

Switching

This is an answer to joey's question and clarification to a followup question by aisha:

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So Sir and I were a couple who switched D and s roles at a whim.  We regularly had vanilla sex, but more frequently had some D or s as part of the dynamic.  But who was being Dom and who was sub depended on the day and on the need.  Submission filled a huge need in our lives when we were feeling stressed or overwhelmed by life...by work.  Submission was a way to safely float away from all of that, like it or not.  For me, submission was an aphrodisiac and at the heart of all my fantasies.

I know I've gone on and on about how....yikes....a year and a half ago (time flies when your being spanked and flogged), the switching stopped being our norm and D/s became D (Sir) and s (fiona).  This has been 100% fulfilling for me.  I have NO need for being Dominant.  It is not something that EVER is part of my fantasies.  I have never - not once - thought about it in a fantasy.  If I ever dominated Sir and had an orgasm, the fantasy in my mind was one of submission.

But Sir gets something from Dominating me AND from submitting.  They both fuel him.  They fulfill different needs.  If Sir is ever super stressed with a great deal or emotionally wrung out, etc.... then submission may appeal to him.  It's not frequent, but still there.




I've been uneasy blogging about this.  I don't know why I felt like it was inappropriate.  I think in my mind, I worried that others might think my Sir is less than he is because he switches periodically.  The same could be said for me...that I was less submissive because I would dominate periodically.   But then, I was talking with a kinky friend of mine and she asked why I felt it was not blogable - that masculinity and virility has absolutely nothing to do with which side of a flogger you're on.  So, I've been thinking about that.  My adoration for my Sir is unflappable and undeniable.  My place and relationship with him is Rock SOLID.  My submission is absolute, but more importantly, his Dominance is also absolute.  This blog is mine.  I should write what I want and not worry.  This community has proven to be extraordinarily accepting and loving and kind.  So...



D/s, 99% of the time, for US means D (Sir) and s (fiona).  However, 1% of the time, he really needs a playtime of submission.  This submission is only playtime.  The fascinating thing is he SWITCHES back in prime fashion.  Typically at the end of me dominating him, he growls in that animalistic way, becomes amazingly primal, ULTRA dominant and flips me, fucks me and reasserts his dominance.  He reclaims what is HIS.  We end every time in very solid D (Sir) / s (fiona)  roles.

We fulfill our needs and remain the same, fabulous, in love, passionate, attune, couple that we are.  He maintains his Dominance and I maintain my submission.  I no longer consider us to be switches because this is never emotionally tied, it is only physical in nature, it happens few and far between and because the play is momentary and inside our bedroom only, while our typical D/s is in and outside the bedroom.

WE make TTWD what it needs to be for US and  ...  it WORKS!

18 comments:

  1. I consider my husband and I to be top and bottom. We're not interested in the D/s lifestyle dynamics because neither of us have that need within us. However, when I'm in bed I feel submissive and like the way it makes me feel even if I don't outwardly express myself as submissive. I don't think it matters what others think, it's what you want out the relationship which is important.
    I also think experimenting with both sides of D/s has probably made you a stronger couple; you understand the dyamics from both perspectives.
    DF

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    1. Thanks DF...I both appreciate your support and understanding as well as explanation of how your dynamic works. It is interesting how we can find ways to make our relationships stronger.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. I agree with the comment by DelFonte that experimenting helps to better understand the dynamic. Since I began switching, I have a much stronger appreciation for both sides especially the Top side.

    The notion that submissive are less virile is a myth. I know some excellent Doms who started as submissive men. I am glad that you wrote about your husband "needing" to switch roles sometimes.

    Thank you for answering my question with a terrific post.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. I certainly know that both Sir and I have learned things to do for and to each other because of our experience in our switched rolls. There have been things that we really liked or didn't that then we translated into our preferred roles.

      That myth is pretty tricky. Because submission is seem so often as a weakness for BOTH women and men, it's something often looked down upon and consequently - hidden. For men it does strike straight at their virility I think it is therefore even harder to admit to. I find it sad, that we can't just be what and who we are without worrying about others judging them.

      Hugs,
      fiona

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  3. I think this makes you two a perfect example of what a power exchange relationship should be...it should be whatever works for the two people involved. Thank you for sharing this, I am sure you have helped some others. Submission does not equal weakness....hugs abby

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  4. I do completley understand your reluctance to share this, because i do think there can be pre-conceived ideas of how certain 'roles' should be.

    But one of the greatest things about ttwd is that there is no manual to follow, no rule book etc....its what works for both of you and you both seem to doing bloody well.

    Sometimes i hold back on my blog because i worry about what people are thinking and really thats not the point of blogging, well for me that is, bottom line if people are uncomfortable with what is shared they dont have to agree, i dont always expect them to..i just ask that they dont judge.

    Sorry for the essay!

    x

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    1. Thanks tori. I appreciate your comments. We are doing very well together and complement each other well!

      You didn't write an essay...silly. I completely agree that it shouldn't matter what people think. I don't know why I let it sway me sometimes. I'll have to work on that.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  5. As I've said many times before: who spanks who in a TTWD relationship is just a matter of taste.
    The roles of master and slave are interchangeable, you will never really know who controls the relationship. And usually different moments ask for different roles.
    I am convinced that the only reason we see more M/f in domestic life is that men are afraid of being spanked and will therefore try to be the spanker.

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    1. Thanks Bas, it's good to hear a different perspective. Have you ever been spanked? It is funny that people make assumptions that they know what happens inside a relationship - but really do not. You are sooooo right, different moments do require different roles. I never thought about that. But it is spot on.

      hugs,
      fiona

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    2. No, I have never been spanked. But there is this strange thing that when Lisa feels that I'm not giving her enough spanking-attention, she will smack my but to get my attention focussed.

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    3. That is a fabulous ritual. I love it! Go Lisa. I hope that gets your attention and that you strike while the fire's hot....so to speak =)

      thanks!
      fiona

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  6. Excellent post - and look at all the lovely comments you've got here. :)

    I take over for stress relief on my husband's part too now and then.

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    1. Thanks Conina...I appreciate your support and encouragement. Yes, we have an AWESOME blogland family!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  7. Very interesting blog! I'm glad you wrote this, and very much appreciate it. I had some of the same hesitation in writing about it as you did. But I'm glad I did. It is all a part of TTWD.

    There have been a couple of times when my Master has had me do things like this. I wrote about it here:

    http://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-tease.html

    I still feel like he is in control though, so I don't feel like we are switching even if I'm the one tying him up. He's still telling me what to do, and doesn't even pretend submission. He doesn't like pain, so the only time he has had me hit him with things was so he could get an idea of what I was feeling with a toy.

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    1. Thank you for your comment and putting the link to your post. I'll head over and read it next. I do think it is a good thing for Masters/Doms/Tops/Dommes to have some knowledge of what implements feel like.

      It's funny that it can be part of ttwd and part of who we are...and yet though I'm sharing that - who we are as part of our ttwd, but then feel hesitant to write about an aspect of it. Hmmm...oh well. Thanks for sharing your experience! I appreciate. it.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  8. Thank you for this post, Fiona - i appreciate your honesty, and, far from thinking less of your Sir, i think he's a wise man to get his needs met this way without fear of seeming weak.

    i echo what everyone else has said about being open on your blog -it's YOUR blog, and your life, and if you can't be open here, then where? And we love you.

    Now i gotta go see what you say about mlb...

    hugs

    aisha

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    1. Thanks aisha...I appreciate that. Personally, I think he is a very wise man...brilliant in many ways.

      hugs,
      fiona

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Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona