Saturday, July 15, 2017


We just got back from a fabulous, albeit exhausting vacation. My favorite souvenir is from the Tower of London and it will not be used in the kitchen ;-)

Tuesday, February 7, 2017


So I told my husband that
I just couldn't.

I couldn't be dominant right now

I couldn't switch right now.

I just...couldn't.

I was so shut down -
Physically - my body wasn't reacting as it always has
Sexually, I was not...Just wasn't.

But his response was.
I'm here and
I'm ready.

So...slowly but surely

He's been helping me back.

It's one or two steps forward and
one step back.
there's movement.

He's busy
I'm busy
Life's busy

But we're trying.

Yesterday I was most assuredly OFF.
I was cranky and a general pain in the ass.

Sir asked if I needed a spanking
and I said - YES.
But sadly, the kids were around
and it would make too much noise.
So...I said - we just couldn't right now.

So...he did something he hasn't done in ...

He put me over the side of the bed
and plugged me
with the large njoy plug!

IT WAS HUGE was effective!

I felt so much better -
so much more grounded
so much more at peace!

We're slowly making progress.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Not Feeling

So...I know - I say this periodically.

I'm broken

Strangely this time, I feel broken in a whole new way.

I have had friends who have
inadequate sex lives,
unfulfilled sex lives,
infrequent sex lives ...

I have had many women who I haven know who
didn't like sex
saw sex as a chore
were disinterested in sex ...

The trick was...
I wasn't ever one of those people.

Now I was a WICKED late bloomer.

I had been raped in high school
and had no real boyfriend while in high school
so I had no positive experience with regard to sexual activities.

I just had no interest and no exposure.

Now college is a different story.

I had my first boyfriend.
I had my first real love affair. I wasn't actually having sex
until I was married...

...or for three-and-a-half-WEEKS...
which ever came first.

BUT, since then, I've been...
totally enamored with sex!

I have had moments where my sex drive was
out of control.
I have had moments where my sex drive was
But, minimal has always been short lived.

One thing I know about me...
I'm definitely a use-it-or-loose-it kinda girl.

Lucky for me, I've always used it :)

Sadly, we had a family crisis
late this fall - early winter.

We had to focus on making it through...
day by day
one step in front of the other

and sex...
well, we were
tired and stressed
and tired and worried
and tired and sad
and tired and terrified
and tired and angry
and tired and stressed.

So, sex...went by the wayside

and it's been a long time.

That combines with the fact that
my husband and I are both
ridiculously stressed and exhausted

we were both needing a great deal of support
and I think because we're in a
more fragile place,
I think submission fits both of our places at the moment.

Sadly, as time goes on,
I feel...less
not less THAN...
just less.

I don't feel.
I'm currently NOT feeling sexy
I'm not feeling sexual in any way
I'm not NEEDING sex
I'm not WANTING sex
I'm not FEELING sex.

It's terrifying...I've not ever been here
(for more than a brief moment)
since I started being a sexual being.

I can see how women who aren't in

And I'm feeling sad and broken and
NOT like me.

I know so many who say it will come...
but He's not feeling Dominant in any way...
I'm not feeling submissive
He's wanting care and softness and comfort
and I'm shutting down.

I'm sure we'll come through...
this is just our moment...
sadly, it's a long fucking moment
and I hate it.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Last Day of Vacation

...before he exited the shower, I whispered in his ear, 

"I want you to write a blog post aboutwhat happened in this shower!"

Here's what he gave me this evening.

(keep in mind, we were switches for years
and this sub is a sub at heart...
but can play her Master like a fiddle!)

Today wasn't the first time, but it was memorable.  

Mam came and woke me up from a light nap.  
She ushered me into the bathroom for a shower.

She had to desperately pee and wanted me there. 

She helped me to quickly strip and then all but pushed me 
into the cool shower.
It was warming,
but not fast enough.

I knew what she wanted
and I got on my knees in the shower.

We had been talking about her domination
and my fantasies.

I knew what she was doing 
and I was tingling on the inside!

I bent down and she peed on my face.
Marking me with her scent 
telling me how much she was in control.

After finishing, I proceeded to wash her body
from the sitting position on the floor of the shower.

After finishing, she ushered me to my feet
and asked me if I remembered her fantasy of the other day.

I was slow to admit that I did.

she turned me around and asked me to squat just a little.

She grabbed some cream rinse and before I knew it,
she was loosening my ass and masturbating me at the same time.

I was truly putty in her hands.

After what seems like ten minutes, 
she had milked me dry.

She helped me stand up, 
turned me around,
held me and cupped my sack.

Another stroke of dominance.

I could barely stand but I left the shower dreaming about what lay 
ahead on my last night of vacation.....

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Accepting What's Given

I had been a general pain in the ass for about thirty minutes...

Now in all fairness to me,
the behavior and and attitude were reciprocated.

Well, after going and running some chauffeur duties for my kids,
I came home deciding to announce,
"I have had it!" to Sir.

Well, I walked in, put my hands on my hip,
Saw Sir at the kitchen sink,
stomped up to Him with all sorts of attitude and

He wiped his wet hands off,
Grabbed my neck and
growled at me.

He spun me around,
Put my hands on the counter,
held them in one hand and
proceeded to spank the living hell out of my ass!

He started strong and kept it strong.
It hurt...from the get-go,
but because he was holding my hands tight to the counter,
I felt grounded and
because I had to take it,
I knew I could take it...

Does that make any sense?

It was so impactful...
and yes, I mean that in every way!

He then pulls me up,
spins me around,
and I put my hands around his neck and hug him.

He backs me up...and takes me to the bedroom.

I was cheeky once again,
and Sir told me to lay over the bed.

I really wanted to listen...
as so frequently doesn't happen with me.

My stubbornness and abstinence too frequently gets in my way.

But he steps back out of the room,
and I quickly not only lay over the side of the bed,
but I also pull down my pants and underwear.

He walks back in and tells me what a good girl I am.

He rubs the large metal kitchen spatula against my ass.

I KNOW that stings like hell!
He starts small and I take it well.

He builds, as my ass worms up,
and it's starting to feel so good.

He then is getting strong and
I'm moving a bit more,
so he puts his arm around my waist and
throws his leg over mine,
basically binding me.

Once again,
that tether helps me settle in and accept what's given

He then stops and says,
"Three good ones."

I always get nervous when He says that.

The first one stings so much...
It stings and hurts and stings and
oh - as it sinks in it feels
warm and wonderful.

He rubs my ass and then

My foot kicks up as much as it can,
and I breath.

It once again...hurts so much...
but I breath and wait for the warm...

Ya, there it is.

Then he says, "Are you a good girl?"
"Are you going to be a good girl?"
"You know you can get spankings when you're a good girl, right?"
"Are you going to earn those spankings?"


I almost stand right up with the strength of the hit,
but his arm around my waist and
his leg over mine tighten
and I'm held in place

and I can feel wetness on my eyes.

And he rubs and rubs and then commands,
"On your knees."

I don't know if he has EVER done that.
Spanked the shit out of my ass and then
commanded me to my knees.

I am just about a puddle of goo!

I am frantic to get His zipper down and
my mouth onto his cock.

I suck and lick and stroke and suck and lick.
I snake my hand up his shorts so that I can fondle his balls
and I'm ravenous.  That's the only word I can think of.
Truly ravenous for His cock.


I FLY up and run to the bathroom,
as the alarm chime for our house notifies us that
our son has just opened the door to the house!