Kink Store

We went on vacation for the weekend 
(it was a holiday weekend in the US)

Look what I found...walking down the street.

What was hilarious was that I knew what ...
everything was in the store.  

But more insane to me was how many 
of the items we had 
-at least something of the type
like various vibes, dildos, plugs, 
ropes, floggers, crops.....

It brought to light how full our toy box is.
Hmmmmm....maybe we are fully invested in...
our lifestyle :)

It was a fun store to spend some time in!

Just wish we were there 
longer to attend the classes. 
They looked like fun!

Bringing It (Part 1)

I have been gone for a week now.
Away from my Sir,
Away from my Master.

I have been missing my kids...

I have been dealing with tough stuff
stressed...hugely stressed
Getting very little sleep.

And...

Sir has brought it.

He has taken a huge leap in our relationship.

He's been communicating with me
constantly.

He's keeping me sane.
Keeping me focused.
Guiding me from afar.

We have long conversations...
and they are

wonderful,
scary,
exciting,
challenging
scary
challenging
exciting
wonderful
:)

He reminds me...

I Am His.

I belong to Him.

This isn't about me anymore.

I Am His.

History Facts

This is a fun link to

17 R-Rated History Facts They Don't Teach In School.
on Distractify

Worth a read if you have a moment.

Random Facts

So I have been off the grid for a bit.  I got my number from ancilla a while ago and haven't had the opportunity to write.  Sorry for my delay.

If you comment on this writing I will give you a number between 1 and 20 and you can share that many random facts about you if you wish.  There is no obligation if you don't wish to write about yourself!


ancilla at  A slave to Master has given me the number 17, so here are 17 somewhat rambling random facts about me:

hmmmmm....where to start?  First, I'll separate them into kinky and vanilla.

Vanilla:
1. I'm a very flexible person...not physically but in life.  I am a total fly by the seat of my pants and figure it out as I go kinda girl.  

2.  Contrary to what #1 says, I'm a fantastic planner when I want or need to be in part because I'm exceedingly methodical.

3.  I'm an extrovert who is becoming an introvert.  

4.  I have a keen mechanical/spacial mind.  While I didn't major in mechanical engineering, I certainly could have.  I fix things and build things all the time.  

5.  To that end, I am the person to generally wire things or build things in my house...not because my Sir can't, but because he's kind enough to let me because I nine times out of ten, I absolutely love doing it.

6.  I'm a fabulous problem solver and can think on my feet and think outside of the box.

7.  While many people think I'm really smart, I don't see myself as being very smart.

8.  While Sir says I'm beautiful, I do have a terrible self image.  I rarely think I look pretty....it's something He's helping me with.

9.  I love to travel and would love to go ANYWHERE with my Sir!!

Kinky:
10.  My favorite thing to be spanked with is either His Hand or a flogger.

11.  When I started out being a full time submissive (and not a switch), I didn't think I would ever love the service aspect of submission...I was wrong!

12.  I day-dream about being used...about Sir letting other's use me.  About Him allowing others to come and put me on my knees for a blow job, etc.

13.  He frequently fantasizes about letting others use me!

14.  He really wants to get a choker for me to wear as a collar every day.

15.  I really hate chokers, but I frequently wear a silver collar (the kind that sits fairly close but that opens in the back.  I wish he would like something like that instead (but he doesn't).  hmmmm.

16.  He LOVES me to wear cupless bras or no bra.  I'm slowly getting more comfortable with that.  

17.  I am still SHOCKED anyone actually cares about what I write...I am not a writer, not eloquent, write about nothing important - but worse than that....write about our love life.  But I am so very grateful for EVERY comment I have EVER gotten on this blog.  They have been so kind and supportive and interesting and let me know you are there.  It makes this whole blogland experience feel like a conversation instead of just words on the screen. 

Holiday Kinky Vanilla

Sorry for my extended break.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa

Happy Holidays to you and your kin.

I am sorry for my extended absence.

As I write this, I'm in the middle of a conversation
with a lot of extended family...laptop on my lap - facing a wall.
No one knows what I'm doing...
No one knows I'm a sex blogger...
No one knows that I'm kinky...
nor that my amazing husband next to me is kinky.

That's so representative of my life right now.

I have moments of complete vanilla
and moments of our normal kinky Ds lives.

Our sex is much less frequent with
travel and holidays and life.

But much less frequent means not every day, but more than once a week...

And frequent kisses, hugs, smacks, spanks, pinches, tweaks, and fingers in between. 

I hope that all of you have been
safe,
sane,
and
consensually
fucking your way through the holidays.

Hugs my friends,
fiona

A Dom and Three Subs and The Gift Of Sharing

OK…so it's been a week since I was 

with sofia and nilla.  

Wow… seems like so much longer.  

Vanilla life just takes over!

Well…I had a couple of memories I wanted to 

capture so I can go back and remember…later.

So, Saturday night (last Saturday night)

after we had been to the music festival all day,

we got dinner from an off-the-chain-amazing restaurant

and brought it home to eat.

We sat in the kitchen and checked in with our families,

brewed some tea (oh…nilla is a total tea aficionado!)

and chilled out for a bit.

When sofia's Sir came home, 

we all got our food and sat at the dining room table

and ate a great meal.

We also commenced an evening of wonderful conversation.

It is so refreshing liberating to be able to 

discuss…uninhibited, unfiltered, all in.

Well, I was probably more "all-in" than

sofia's Sir would have really wanted…

but he kindly didn't kick me out…

though there was discussion about the fact

that he only had two tethers and three sub missives

sleeping in his house!

So we had deep, meaningful conversations,

we discussed the world,

we discussed our children,

we discussed schools 

   (of which I have differing opinions/experiences than sofia and nilla)

we discussed our blogs

we discussed spankings and marks

we discussed the kink community

   which I found fascinating, because I'm not active (have never been)

   in the community outside of blogland.

we discussed that mother-fucking-brush

   sofia's Sir had no idea that was so dastardly…or why ;)

   sofia shook her head … A LOT.

We laughed and laughed…

   there were sexual and kinky innuendos flying!

It was the most fabulous evening's conversation…

just never having to catch yourself and not share…

never to change verbiage to cover your submission

   (or His Dominance)

At the end of the night, we all said goodnight 

and went to our respective beds.

nilla and I talked a bit more,

once dressed for sleep,

while nilla brushed and braided her hair.

I laughed…and brought out my brush…

I have a wooden version of the 

mother-fucking-brush that Sir uses for 

holy-hell-that-hurts spankings.

I showed her the brush and 

we looked at the brush she was using to brush her hair.

They are the same shape and size,

but hers is the injection-molded-plastic

and mine was wooden.

I told her that the injection-molded one is the one that hurts,

mine, while being the same shape and size, was more thuddy…less stingy.

She held out her arm and 

I took both brushes and smacked them against her arm.

Indeed…she agreed…that mother-fucking-brush stings!!!!

Then we got the brilliant idea 

(Can't remember weather it was nilla's or mine)

to take them upstairs and show them to 

sofia's Sir so he could see, 

first hand,

what we were talking about.

So we rushed…like silly school girls,

with the hair brushes to show him.

sofia was LESS THAN GRATEFUL!

her Sir tried them out on his thigh and 

thought about them and seemed grateful to see them ;)

The whole experience was very funny to me.

When I got up ridiculously early to leave,

actually waking up before my alarm clock (yikes),

I dressed quietly and went upstairs to use the bathroom.

As I walked to the stairs,

I notice the crop hanging on a door handle…

which combined with the hooks in the ceiling that 

I had noticed the night before

put a smile on my face.

I went up to the bathroom and when

I entered the hallway…what did I see?

sofia' tether with a long rope leading to 

her bedroom door … that was closed.

sofia's Sir made the most exquisite tether…

the rope work is gorgeous!

I gathered my things and as I crept to the front door,

I thought about what a gift blogging has been,

Virtual and Online/IRL friends have been.

I let the cat inside so hopefully sofia could sleep a bit more

and walked to my car and 

began the long drive home. 

New Year's Affirmation

I was quietly laying in bed with Sir last night.  The house is dark and quiet.  The quilt and comforter lay heavily atop us, swaddling us in warmth.  My Sir has me tucked into his side, my head raising and falling on his chest and my hand gently enveloping his cock and balls.  He pulls his hand up and is stroking my hair.  I feel so safe, warm, loved, comforted....content.

"With the holidays and traveling, it feels like I have lost some of my submission.  I miss it." I confess in a whisper.  I love when it is dark and we are snuggled and it feels like I can say anything.  It's not like I hold back, typically, but in this scenario, cloaked in darkness and safe in his arms, I don't feel embarrassed about anything.

"Well, this past year has been your year of submission, hasn't it fiona?"

My hard stops.  I am terrified.  Does he mean that we're done?  Does he want out?  Is he done with TTWD?  I've finally become confident in my position, in my desire, in my place.

Crap, Shit, Fuck.  I sit up - criss-cross my legs and look at him...Yes, it's dark, so I can only see an outline.  I'm holding my breath.

"Hasn't it, fiona?"  he repeats.

Breathe, breathe fiona - I tell myself.
"But I don't want it to end.  I was just saying that i missed it.  I have missed sitting at your feet, putting on your shoes, I have missed being spanked - Oh, God have I missed being spanked.  I know it hasn't been that long, but I have MISSED being demonstrably submissive to you." I say with a strong voice.

"I've missed it too, fiona.  I like you being a good girl.  I love you being my good little girl."  he replies.  Oh thank heavens.  Really!  OH THANK HEAVENS!!

It seems poignant that this conversation happens when it does.  It happens just before the new year and it served to reaffirms our places, it reaffirms our desires, it reaffirms our roles.

Last night and today, Sir has put his hand (and brush) where his mouth was...he has begun the spankings and I am feeling better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have gone through so many emotions in this past year.  I have felt...

...ashamed that I liked to be spanked
...nervous about wanting to be submissive all the time
...insecure about my ability to please him.
...selfish for wanting to always be submissive (remember we had been life long switches)
...vulnerable for vocalizing my deepest desires and accepting them as part of me
...satisfied that I was doing a good job when I did as I was told
...content to follow his directions, even in humiliation or sexual scenes which pushed my boundaries
...free and whole being a submissive to his Dominant
...excited-as-hell to be His
...happy to be able to accept my submissive, spanko, kinky desires
...horny, wanton, slutty... oh I've felt those too.

I am grateful for this year.  I am grateful for this blog.  Without Conina's encouragement, I would never have started this blog.  Thank you. I have blossoming friendships with a couple of blogland folks and am grateful for those.  They make my life much more complete.  I am grateful for you!  I have learned so much and been provoked into meaningful introspection by my reading of the wonderful blogs out there.  Thank you for allowing me to join in your journeys.  Most surprisingly, I have grown to really love the "conversation" that I am able to have with y'all who comment.  It means more to me than you know.

Happy New Year my kinky blogland friends.  I wish you and yours a New Year with ENOUGH!

fiona

Kinky Vanilla

Well, I read a post by Kitty about Vanilla Sex.  Her post made me thing about vanilla in my life.

Sir and I had PLENTY of vanilla sex in our 20+ years.  We've always had a great sex life...sleeping together (in the biblical sense), typically, 3-4 times a week.  We've been best friends from our first night together.  No, there was no sex that night...just talking.  ALL night.  We saw sunset and sunrise.  We've made love in many positions and gone to sleep sated, happy, and connected.  There was nothing wrong with our vanilla sex life.

My First Pair of Handcuffs

With all that said, we started with kink in our relationship, to some degree, but never named it as kink.  Within the first few months of sleeping together, we spanked.  I loved being spanked.  I can't remember the first dildo that he bought or the first vibe, but I've had them a long time.  I purchased our first pair of handcuffs and gave them to him as a gift over 20 years ago.  They weren't the pink fuzzy ones, they were metal police type cuffs and oh, was I in!  I have loved bondage and rarely, if ever, get my fill.  We've had crops and floggers and clamps...you get the idea.

We've had kink AND vanilla for as long as we've had us.  But the vanilla has historically been along side the kink, some nights this and some nights that.  As I have blogged before, our kink became more focused a little over a year ago.  Where we had been forever switches, we became D/s with sole-positions of D and s.  So for a year we've been settling into our roles.  As the months go by, the vanilla seems to appear less and less in our sex-life.  Now-a-days, the periodic blow job instead of a face fucking - meaning no hands in my hair, no loss of control, no force, is the closest we typically get to vanilla sex.

I have tried to initiate making love to my husband a couple of times.  We typically evolve into D/s - where I am clearly giving my power over and he is clearly taking my power and HE is in charge.

So I sit here, typing this post and am contemplating where we are.
       Do I miss it? 
              Do I miss the vanilla?  
       Am I not making love when we are sleeping together with our D/s in full view?  
Do we not connect on the same level when there are the trappings of bondage, toys, spankings?

I am LOVING my kink.  I don't miss the vanilla in my sex-life.  I do not miss it, because
       

I have vanilla inside my kink.  

• From each tender kiss to every loving spank.  
• From each sappy phone conversation that begins with an equally husband-specified sappy ring-tone to each tug, bite and clamp of my nipple. 
• From each snuggle, spooning close at night to each flog as his hand rests strong and sure against my back.  
• From each dinner conversation and parenting moment to every whisper of ownership in my ear.  

I love my kink AND I love the vanilla that lives within...

and I don't feel incomplete at all.