Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year's Affirmation

I was quietly laying in bed with Sir last night.  The house is dark and quiet.  The quilt and comforter lay heavily atop us, swaddling us in warmth.  My Sir has me tucked into his side, my head raising and falling on his chest and my hand gently enveloping his cock and balls.  He pulls his hand up and is stroking my hair.  I feel so safe, warm, loved, comforted....content.

"With the holidays and traveling, it feels like I have lost some of my submission.  I miss it." I confess in a whisper.  I love when it is dark and we are snuggled and it feels like I can say anything.  It's not like I hold back, typically, but in this scenario, cloaked in darkness and safe in his arms, I don't feel embarrassed about anything.

"Well, this past year has been your year of submission, hasn't it fiona?"

My hard stops.  I am terrified.  Does he mean that we're done?  Does he want out?  Is he done with TTWD?  I've finally become confident in my position, in my desire, in my place.

Crap, Shit, Fuck.  I sit up - criss-cross my legs and look at him...Yes, it's dark, so I can only see an outline.  I'm holding my breath.

"Hasn't it, fiona?"  he repeats.

Breathe, breathe fiona - I tell myself.
"But I don't want it to end.  I was just saying that i missed it.  I have missed sitting at your feet, putting on your shoes, I have missed being spanked - Oh, God have I missed being spanked.  I know it hasn't been that long, but I have MISSED being demonstrably submissive to you." I say with a strong voice.

"I've missed it too, fiona.  I like you being a good girl.  I love you being my good little girl."  he replies.  Oh thank heavens.  Really!  OH THANK HEAVENS!!

It seems poignant that this conversation happens when it does.  It happens just before the new year and it served to reaffirms our places, it reaffirms our desires, it reaffirms our roles.

Last night and today, Sir has put his hand (and brush) where his mouth was...he has begun the spankings and I am feeling better.

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I have gone through so many emotions in this past year.  I have felt...

...ashamed that I liked to be spanked
...nervous about wanting to be submissive all the time
...insecure about my ability to please him.
...selfish for wanting to always be submissive (remember we had been life long switches)
...vulnerable for vocalizing my deepest desires and accepting them as part of me
...satisfied that I was doing a good job when I did as I was told
...content to follow his directions, even in humiliation or sexual scenes which pushed my boundaries
...free and whole being a submissive to his Dominant
...excited-as-hell to be His
...happy to be able to accept my submissive, spanko, kinky desires
...horny, wanton, slutty... oh I've felt those too.

I am grateful for this year.  I am grateful for this blog.  Without Conina's encouragement, I would never have started this blog.  Thank you. I have blossoming friendships with a couple of blogland folks and am grateful for those.  They make my life much more complete.  I am grateful for you!  I have learned so much and been provoked into meaningful introspection by my reading of the wonderful blogs out there.  Thank you for allowing me to join in your journeys.  Most surprisingly, I have grown to really love the "conversation" that I am able to have with y'all who comment.  It means more to me than you know.

Happy New Year my kinky blogland friends.  I wish you and yours a New Year with ENOUGH!

fiona

21 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your emotions with us. I am glad that both of you reaffirmed your D/s roles.

    I am glad that you started your blog and share your journey with us.

    Happy New Year,
    joey

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    Replies
    1. Happy New Year joey! thanks for making my journey more meaningful!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. Happy New Years, Fiona! i'm so glad you're part of the blogging sisterhood, and glad that your year's been good. Looking forward to the next one...

    hugs,

    aisha

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    1. Thanks aisha. I feel so amazingly welcomed by you. I appreciate that, as blogging was a huge leap for me and my insecurities about it were enormous.

      I'm looking forward to 2013 also, many good times to cum!!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  3. Fiona, no this TTWD is not simple to end. Cannot expect that TTWD is last year and next year will be something else.
    It goes much to deep for that.
    2012 brought us Fiona and Sir Q.
    Maybe 2013 will bring us the real meaning of MLB.
    Happy New Year!

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    1. Hehe...maybe Bas, you never know.

      Happy New Year to you and yours. I am so grateful that ttwd is not something that will be ending for us. It is a true gift!

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  4. Happy New Years to you and yours, Fiona! So happy you did decide to start your blog and become part of this community....so thank you for sharing your journey with all of us! :):):)

    Belle:)

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    1. Thanks Belle, Happy New Year to you and your family. I am so happy that I started the blog and have been welcomed into this community. Thanks for joining me for my journey!

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  5. Thank u for sharing your journey
    N thank u for your friendship!

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    1. Ich bin dankbar für deine Freundschaft auch! Thanks for being a part of my journey!

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  6. Oh, fiona, I didn't know that for you this was kind of like an experiment...if I am reading this post right. I am so glad that it was successful and you are both so happy with the experiences you have shared...AND that you won't be leaving the lifestyle that has made you so happy!

    I look forward to reading all about the two of you in 2013! Happy New Year!

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    1. No, it wasn't an experiment. As mentioned, my Sir and I had been switches for what seemed like forever. A bit over a year ago, we became M/s and did not switch back and forth. So, when he made mention that this past year has been MY year for submission, I was worried that he wanted to stop it being one sided on each of our parts.

      I am so thrilled that we are good the way we are. I KNEW I was, but I am so happy to know that he is as well. Thanks!

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    2. OH!!! I really need to go back and just read your blog from the beginning! LOL! I get it now! Wow...well, now I am even MORE pleased for you both! :-D It's nice to figure out where you fit, isn't it?

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    3. Yes ma'am it is wonderful when we are where we belong. Thanks for reading, REALLY!

      ~fiona

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    4. Oh, and thank you for posting and LETTING me read!!! REALLY!!!! :-D

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  7. As the song says, "what a long strange trip it's been". Hope 2013 is a great year for you and Sir Q, mlb!

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    1. Amen, brother! What a strange trip indeed =)

      I hope so also, I have high expectations!!!

      Happy New Year to you and Joy as well.

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  8. I dont want it to end either! I love your blog! Happy New Year to you and Sir Q!

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    1. Thanks Kitty. Thank you for letting me know that you enjoy the blog....I still find it amazing that ANYONE else would like to read what I write.

      I wish you and Mr. Woods a very happy New Year!

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  9. I love the voice you have with the strong emotions and thought processes. Thank you for sharing and opening yourself up to readers, not just SirQ.

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    1. I am a thinker (analyzer)...that's for sure. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it. Thank you also for commenting!!

      ~fiona

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Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona