Friday, September 20, 2013

Submission

I am honored to be participating in the Round Table featured on the Spanking Romance Review Blog.  I was asked by Natasha Knight to discuss Submission.  After you read this post, please see SRR's blog to see the other links for those participating.  

So...

Submission  

Dictionary Definition:
Submission:  submissive conduct or attitude.  Inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.

MY Definition:
Submission is a state of mind.  It is something that I give willingly and wantingly (no, not wantonly...though that too maybe).  

Now, let me just be the first to say that 
I am NOT a perfect submissive 
nor is my submission is perfect.   

FAR FROM IT!  

But, 
as a whole, when I look at that 
dictionary definition and apply it to me...
I am INCLINED to submit.  
I am typically READY to submit.  
Frequently I am humbly obedient.  
I'm getting better at being unresistingly obedient
(It takes time after so many years of resisting everything)  

In my life in general AND in my relationship with my husband,
I do not want to be a doormat.  
I do not strive to have a relationship or a marriage 
where I am neither seen nor heard.  

I do not want to have a marriage where 
I am a complete and utter bitch, either.

I was a switch for many, many years.  
I have to say, 
when I was Topping I could be an utter bitch.  
I could find my sadistic side.   
and while in the bedroom, being a bitch wasn't an issue,
the attitude didn't stop when I walked outside the bedroom.

How did I know that I wanted to submit, to be submissive full time and not switch?  How did I know that deep down, I was submissive at my core?

Well that's easy. All fantasies I had involved me submitting.  I found true contentment and true happiness - even reflective happiness - when I was submissive.  Looking back, it's crystal clear.  

Being allowed to be submissive is a great gift. 

I chose those words carefully because that's how I see it.  
My husband gives me this gift, me being able to be submissive,
by choosing to be Dominant with me.

Through submission I have found:
that my sole is nourished, 
that my psyche is at ease.
I have found:
a level of contentment that reaches deep.
an ability to reduce the noise of life and appreciate the now.
the stability of a safety net 
a closeness to my husband which is undeniable
the comfort of clear expectations
happiness in who I am
and an insanely gratifying sex-life.




26 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you sindee, and thank you for commenting.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. I love your honesty, Fiona. Submission in reality is not perfect - at least not for me and it's so good to see it's not perfect for someone else either. It will come but we are all works in progress..a lifetime of it :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Natasha. I seem to make progress in fits and spurts. Nope that's not it, it's more two steps forward, one step back and the rare occasion of either three steps forward or three back... But that's life, or at least mine.

      Thanks for including me. It was wonderful and I feel very honored.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  3. fiona,

    Well said. A submissive is not a doormat. Very honest and very true of most submissives.

    Thank you fiona for a thoughtful post on this topic.

    Hug,
    joey

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, joey,

      Nope, no doormat here. It's a balancing act...submissive with a voice but a respectful voice.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  4. I thought your comment of "being allowed to be a submissive is a great gift" was really profound. I had never thought of it like that before - I always saw the offer of submission as the gift. But yes you are so right, for someone to allow you be yourself, to accept your submission and to respect it and you is indeed a great gift. I leave here with a new perspective. Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for commenting Tara. I sincerely appreciate it. I hope to see you around here again. It's kind of a two way street for me...It's a gift given ... my submission TO him and a gift of allowing me to be submissive BY him. I don't know...that's just the way it works for us.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  5. I agree about "Being allowed to be submissive is a great gift" I also was only thinking about it the other way around. But you're right, it's hard to be submissive if there is no one to step up and be the dominant. That is an interesting way of looking at it. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing with us!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Casey for commenting. As my submission is tied to Him, I don't know if I could or would be submissive without him. Something I hope to never find out. For me, I'm grateful that he's giving me this opportunity (and he's grateful to me as well for giving it.)

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  6. I loved your honesty and unique thoughts on "being allowed to be submissive" - this certainly puts an interesting and compelling thought into the process and in my thinking shows a reflected trust from both sides.

    I also think that you having tasted and tested the waters of the Dominant side of life gives you and your partner a level of compassion that others may not. Thank you for you candor and willingness in sharing. It was most unique...

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    Replies
    1. Well you are right, Joseph, my Sir and I have a profoundly deep level of trust. I am glad that it comes through in my writing. Thank you for commenting here, I've read your blog and have loved it. I do think that years spent as switches certainly gives both of us perspective on what the other person would like.

      Hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  7. I love how you said; "My husband gives me this gift, me being able to be submissive,by choosing to be Dominant with me." That hits it right on the nail for me. It's like he has the keys to unlock this ability in me to allow myself to be submissive. I too have a very dominant side and what a relief it is to lay that down with my husband & be me. The deep down inside me submissive who can be unlocked with that special & exclusive set of keys.

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    Replies
    1. I agree, Corinne. It is such a relief to just let go. To focus on being His. To have the comfort that comes with that. Oh, I am SO grateful that he has the key to my sole.

      Thanks for commenting.

      Hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  8. "Being allowed to be submissive is a great gift." that is a great sentence. Actually, the whole post speaks volumes to me! Appreciating the now is such a powerful product of submission, being mindful and clear in thought.
    I also like the concept of being ready to submit - it means eager and keen to me.
    hugs
    DF

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    Replies
    1. Thanks DF. That wonderful time when you can clear away the noise of life and just have that clear, quiet, calm space of submission. It is such a gift in the loud, crazy life that I live in too frequently.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  9. So beautiful--you're right, submission is a gift, but so is being allowed to be submissive. Wonderful post, Fiona!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Renee, I appreciate it.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  10. fiona, I love your comment about not being the perfect submissive or your submission being perfect :D That can be such a hard thing- both wanting to be perfect and feeling judgments from the outside on what being perfect might look like. One of my issues is around eating- I'm a recovering anorexic with hypoglycemia. For my well-being, my Master has to order me to eat first. And not just once- if I'm upset, stressed etc, I often revert to some mythologized notion of a perfect submissive who never eats before her master.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for sharing joelle. There are so many societal pressures to be perfect. I'm so glad you have a master who really cares about you...your health and well being...all of you. Having a partner who helps balance us, helps us find and keep center is such a wonderful thing.

      Hugs,
      fiona

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  11. Really beautiful, thoughtful, tender words, fiona - thank you for sharing them.

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    1. Thank you Penelope. I appreciate your comment and your compliment.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  12. This is so beautiful, fiona. i really appreciate the way you describe this - how you knew you wanted to submit and how it works for you and your Sir. Thank you.

    sofia

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    Replies
    1. Thanks sofia, I appreciate that. It was interesting to be really introspective on this subject. I appreciated the push to look at this side of me.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  13. I loved reading your point of view here and agree ''being allowed to be submissive'' is indeed a gift..just as I say is the gift of Dominance.

    Thank you
    Gemini

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    Replies
    1. I agree Gemini...they are both an immeasurably valuable gift!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete

Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona