Submission: submissive conduct or attitude. Inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.
Submission is a state of mind. It is something that I give willingly and wantingly (no, not wantonly...though that too maybe).
Now, let me just be the first to say that
I am NOT a perfect submissive
nor is my submission is perfect.
FAR FROM IT!
as a whole, when I look at that
dictionary definition and apply it to me...
I am INCLINED to submit.
I am typically READY to submit.
Frequently I am humbly obedient.
I'm getting better at being unresistingly obedient
(It takes time after so many years of resisting everything)
In my life in general AND in my relationship with my husband,
I do not want to be a doormat.
I do not strive to have a relationship or a marriage
where I am neither seen nor heard.
I do not want to have a marriage where
I am a complete and utter bitch, either.
I was a switch for many, many years.
I have to say,
when I was Topping I could be an utter bitch.
I could find my sadistic side.
and while in the bedroom, being a bitch wasn't an issue,
the attitude didn't stop when I walked outside the bedroom.
How did I know that I wanted to submit, to be submissive full time and not switch? How did I know that deep down, I was submissive at my core?
Well that's easy. All fantasies I had involved me submitting. I found true contentment and true happiness - even reflective happiness - when I was submissive. Looking back, it's crystal clear.
Being allowed to be submissive is a great gift.
I chose those words carefully because that's how I see it.
My husband gives me this gift, me being able to be submissive,
by choosing to be Dominant with me.
Through submission I have found:
that my sole is nourished,
that my psyche is at ease.
I have found:
a level of contentment that reaches deep.
an ability to reduce the noise of life and appreciate the now.
the stability of a safety net
a closeness to my husband which is undeniable
the comfort of clear expectations
happiness in who I am
and an insanely gratifying sex-life.