Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Not Me

This is so not me.

Do you ever have a time where
you just don't feel like …

you?

I am feeling negative
I'm grumpy and grouchy.

I'm feeling short tempered.

I'm snapping at Sir.
I flipped him off last night
(maybe more than once).

He tells me to do something…
anything…
and I tell him
"NO!"

I just feel OFF.

I'm feeling fat and bloated and
totally and completely
unattractive.

Like, how in the hell can anyone
even stand to sleep next to me…
IN THE DARK.

I know things go in waves and cycles
I know we'll get back to where we need to be
I know all will be ok

But for now, I HATE, HATE HATE
not being me!

(and not knowing how to find me again…
and QUICKLY!)

28 comments:

  1. Maybe it's something in the air? I've been struggling with something similar the last few days myself. Hugs, feel better soon :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that's something. I'm not alone in not being me =)

      Thanks for the support, faerie. I send warm hugs your way as well!!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  2. Sorry, that sucks! Anytime I am feeling that way the only thing that resets my brain is a long hard spanking followed by lots of TLC.....and maybe a bottle of wine!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks river. Maybe the bottle of wine first and then the long HARD spanking. I don't know, it may need to be longer than Sir wants to deal with =( Let's hope something helps, soon!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  3. ((((HUGS)))) I've just been here, and it took a while too shift. It was partly to do with my menstrual cycle I think, for me, but certainly not all... I agree with Faerie, there's something in the air!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Thank goodness menstrual cycles are no longer here - they had an early departure from my life. But, I don't know…something is definitely up. I'm sure stress doesn't help.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  4. Yes!! and the worst thing is i find sometimes is that i cant exactly articulate or even understand myself why im feeling this way, sometimes there is a 'trigger' that sets me spiralling like this.

    I find when i do get like this its when i need him to really come down hard on me, not necessarily in a physical sense but a verbal ass kicking.

    Hope it passes soon

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh tori…you are dead on! I hate hate hate that I KNOW i'm off and can't pinpoint the cause AT ALL! I think a serious verbal ass kicking and a serious 'tightening of the leash' so to speak would help, but I think we're just surviving day by day right now. I don't think he's there, you know? IDK.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  5. I swear it this winter of hell .. the winter blues are hitting everywhere!!! I read the most of your post and was nodding, yup yup ... it was like a check list of everything I am feeling as well!
    I hope it passes soon!!!!

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, well you faerie and me should start a who-the-fuck-is-this-crazy-woman-inside-of-me support group =)

      I hope it does too gk!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  6. Sounds like mother nature is about to visit. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny, I wasn't ever seriously hormonal when I hate my period…but I haven't had one in years and this just seems … off. IDK.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  7. Sounds to me like you are normal....we all go through it....sorry you just are not super women...(only a real friend would tell you that);)...hang in there...
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a good friend dear abby! Thanks for saying that. But dammit I want to be super woman! And I want to feel like ME! I don't like feeling off.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  8. stop.
    sit.
    stop figiting.
    sit.
    breathe.
    in.
    out.
    repeat.
    slow it down.
    stop figgiting!
    breathe deep (but dont fall over with it--just be conscious to take a full abdominal breath)
    hold to a count of 3 or 4 or what seems natural.
    let it out, slowly, through your nose.
    the way the sea slowly slides off the beach, withdrawing until it breaths and breaks again on the shore.

    just 5 minutes.
    Set a timer.
    Let time sit still for 5 minutes.

    focus on your breath.
    not outward stimuli.

    let thoughts come, encircle them with bubbles, let them float away.
    you are not judging anything here--there are no bad thoughts, no good thoughts. they are just thoughts.

    breathe.
    be you.

    breathe
    ground yourself as you sit, into the power of the earth. Let it burst through the frozen earth and picture it encircling you like an egg of warmth and power.

    let it seep into you.
    let earth spirit remind you
    of you.

    breathe
    relax
    open your eyes
    and
    remember that you
    are you.

    hug

    nilla
    PS this works BEST if someone reads it to you, slowly. Someone like Q. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you my friend! Thank you!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  9. Fiona,

    Oh my I understand where you're at. No idea why, but I am a raving shithead right now! Hope we BOTH clear our heads and find some clarity!!

    XOXO Pearl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so too, Pearl. For our sake and everyone else's =)

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  10. It's the weather. It's sucking the life force from all of us. Maybe a day of pampering including a massage and facial. In my experience the post euphoria from one right after the other resets my negative feelings. If that doesn't work...break out the wine. Hope you feel better soon!

    Hugs,
    Mellie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmm, pampering? What's that? Oh, ya, I remember =)

      Wine helps with a lot. Thanks!

      hugs
      fiona

      Delete
  11. Fiona, I think it has to do with Mercury Retrograde??? It's the only thing I can think of. I am feeling completely off, irritable, set off at the tiniest thing and just not me at all. I've been talking with some friends who have exactly the same and for me the arguing is not normal with my husband. If it is Mercury, it's all freaking month long!

    I think - and this is easy to say - the best thing to do is just keep being kind to ourselves or even extra kind. It will pass like everything else.

    Lots of love to you and you are not alone.

    Natasha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well…all month…that's depressing! I think I'm going to go climb into bed and hide!!

      I don't know weather I'm glad or sad that I'm not alone. I guess, I should wish I was, but am glad I'm not?!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  12. I could blame the jet stream, its whizzing round the planet and taking all of our positive energy with it. I'm feeling uninvolved with the life around me and uninterested too. It will pass, I hope soon. I like Nilla's meditative exercise. Take it a day at time and don't worry about the whys and wherefores.
    hugs
    DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like her meditation as well…I hope I can get back to…I don't know weather to say Normal or what…but I guess I hope I get back to being more me.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  13. A wise man told me once, "the sun never shines in February."

    Hope the old you is back soon.

    Hugs,
    Joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so too joey. I miss me!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  14. Aww Fiona. I go through phases too. It happens to us all! Hang in there. I like the breathing/meditation idea. Maybe it's time for something just for you-a girl's night, salon trip, massage, or...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds wonderful…I wish!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete

Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona