Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Needy As Something Bad, hmmm

So I was driving down the road and typically, I listen to music.  But today, the radio happened to be on from the person who drove the car last - not me.  The program that was on had folks talking about people being needy and how terrible it is to be a needy person.  Needy for them was defined by:
     "Needing another person to fill their bucket"

So this distinguished emotional neediness from financial need or physical need.
     Physical:  I need to get transportation to work
     Financial: I need to make enough money so we have food.

Well first off, I really like that definition of need.

I start thinking, examining myself.  So I start with two questions;
  1. Am I needy?
  2. Is being needy in any emotional way truly a bad thing for me?
So I can understand...different strokes for different folks.  This is for me and for me alone.  Knowing me - knowing where I come from and what my current weakness are, this is where I stand on the issue.

  1. Am I needy?   Yes and no.  I am not a high maintenance person (in the emotional way - not the spanking/sex way - those I am hehehe).  I am strong physically and emotionally.  I am self-reliant, self-aware, and capable.  Do I need my Sir?  HELL YES!!!  I need him like I need the air I breathe.  I  will not be incapable of paying bills or doing math (yes, nilla - I do like to do math), or write my name if he were all of a sudden not here.  I would, however, likely die of a broken heart.  So, yes - I am needy of HIM.
  2. Is being needy in any emotional way truly a bad thing - FOR ME?  Ugh...once again, yes and no.  I would love to say no.  I would love to say that I'm totally fine with being needy - even just a little - in not an unhealthy way, I believe.  However, I also understand that makes me very vulnerable...but hell...aren't we all who love someone.  And the more intertwined our lives are, the more connected we are, the more we love each other, the more inter-dependent we are on one-another, the more at risk we are of being seriously fucked up if something were to happen - a betrayal, a death, a decision to not be together...  So while getting hurt, being a drift, being unable to function due to grief and being distraught is a very bad thing, it is a trade-off for the positive benefits of loving and adoring this person.  
OK, so I know these people were talking around co-dependence.  Did you know that there is a section in WebMD on co-dependence?  Indeed...defined as "Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself"  Well...after over 20 years of being together - building our lives together, spending all available time together and the added D/s dynamic...we are rather co-dependent.  Note, I said WE.  I think we are.  We choose our relationship more important.  Is that all bad?  According to many psychologists...often it is bad...according to many doctors - yes.  Hmmmm...Shit...I don't feel screwed up.   Sorry, that was sassy.  But really, it is an interesting conundrum to me.  

I haven't even gotten to my need for spankings, my need for Him to control me, my need for sex, my need to be used, my need for his love, my need for.........

Any thoughts on this neediness thing?  


  1. Lots of thoughts, I once did a post on this. I was never a 'needy' person...til I met Master. Then i fought it...it 'felt' wrong. But Master liked my needing of Him....He fostered it.
    I have..mostly ...made peace with the fact that my submission makes me needy.....welcome to the club.
    hugs abby

    1. Thanks for the welcome abby. It is an interesting place to be

  2. A Master craves a sub like you. Enjoy!!


    1. I pray mine does.

      Thanks joey,

  3. We are all needy. The only thing you could do when you lost that neediness, is becoming a nun.

    That's not how people are meant to function. So neediness is good but only when it doesn't incapacitate you.
    And it doesn't because you could still function in society without him. Whether you would like to function without him is quite something different.

    1. hehehe....me become a nun - now that's a mental image.

      Good point...I could just wouldn't want to - I guess ... maybe.

      Thanks Bas for making me think.


  4. Oh fiona, we talk about his all the time! I just pinned something on our Pinterest: "Submissives can need more attention and be needier than the average person". And that's true. I am a very capable woman. I can run a two shift 115 person/shift production department. I can run a house and raise two happy children on my own. I can be happy.

    With Ward, I am fulfilled. I can be the person I am in my very core, that I cannot be with anyone else. I can be soft I can be vulnerable.

    "I haven't even gotten to my need for spankings, my need for Him to control me, my need for sex, my need to be used, my need for his love, my need for........."
    Absolu-flippin'-lutely! He creates a craving, a hunger within me. Do I need a lot of things? No, only him.

    1. Now Absolu-flippin'-lutely made me LLAAUUGGHHHHHHH

      Yes...Sir is my craving - like no other. I totally agree...I simply neeeeeed him!


  5. I am pretty sure we would both shrivel up and die minus the other - we came far too close in the before time.

    We're okay with it. :)

    1. Ya....I'm not sure I wouldn't as well. Something I hope to not have to find out.

  6. aaahhhh...how interesting... submissives are codependent?


    This is where (sorry therapists)...i think there is too much read into people being needy. Why is it "wrong"?? In submission we are open to being that kind of needy, and i'd postulate that for (most) Dominant types....that they *want* to be needed that much.

    and *smacks forhead* fiona and mlb are the same person. ah, enlightenment. *laughs at self*


    math sucks. I want my apples. :)



    1. Ya, I think that we put rules in place for abusive or "bad" situations and unfortunately it demonizes all in the process...

      OOOMMMFFFGGGGGGGG - seriously - YES, my name is fiona...I am my Sir's mlb. You know you would have gotten that if you liked math!

      You would have your fucking apples if you had put them in the car ONE time!!! But since you put them in the car ZERO times - meaning NEVER - no apples for you.


      aka Sir Q's mlb


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