Sir and I had a conversation over the phone...
He explained that I was raised to be an alpha dog...
that I was trained to be like that.
He is so right...I was raised to be
one strong woman.
But not just strong...because I'm still strong...
but I was raised to be right...to be completely self sufficient
to be capable of everything.
And for the most part, I am.
But I'm Not.
I am capable...I am very self sufficient...I am strong...
I am hugely capable.
But I am NOT an alpha dog.
Well...I and I'm not.
I have been for a long long time...
but I am me...I am most comfortable being submissive.
I am a natural submissive who was raised to be large and in charge.
It's taken me so long to figure that out.
But figure it out I have.... with Master's help.
"You found solace in submission because it is who you are." Master said.
"We are going to the next level."
He explained that a big part of where He is now and
where I am now has to do with when I gave him that piece of paper, as he says.
When I gave him my slave registration papers...
formally and completely giving myself to Him.
I told Him,
"I want to go to a place when I am allowed and expected to be who I am."
He explained that by giving Him that piece of paper,
we went from thinking...Oh on Saturday I like fettish play or I want a spanking.
That it was a bold choice and that I completely give myself up.
He told me that He had asked repeatedly if this is what I've wanted and
every time I've said yes...I want this...I want to be His...I want to be His slave!
He said, "I'm not asking any more.
I own every bit of you.
It's no longer about you .
It's about me."
He told me that He has some unhealthy habits to break and that
I REALLY have some unhealthy habits to break
and He's responsible to break those habits.
"I will break you of these habits.
I will break these habits gently
because I am a gentile man and
sometimes I will break them brutally
because that is the right thing."
"fiona, you are mine.
I value my stuff.
I don't want to break my stuff.
I want you to take care of my stuff.
I do want to push you but I don't want to break you.
I expect you to tell me if I'm breaking you.
But I make no mistake...I will be deciding. Always.
We're going to make this habitual.
This is a bold choice, fiona."