Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Wiring and Orgasm Denial

I know I have read many peoples posts which include orgasm denial as part of their dynamic.  This has never been something that Sir and I have explored or have any desire to explore.  I say that so confidently, but I don't think we've ever discussed it.  It seems amazing to me that after this many years, there are still things we've not discussed. 

I know Sir isn't interested in it, not from conversations about it, but because he knows me.  He knows how I work...and orgasm denial simply wouldn't work for me.  I don't know, maybe I'm broken (hehehe...ya, not broken, just not wired that way).  You see...for me the saying goes...absence makes the heart go wander (not absence makes the heart grow fonder).

Now I know, I wasn't talking about love or my heart, I was talking about orgasms.  But it still applies.  When I'm not very sexual, when I have no orgasms, when lust isn't fanned and hornyness isn't fueled, I simply want less.  I need less.  I desire less.  I grow accustomed to a new norm where less is there and adapt to want, need, fantasize about sex less.

So my question, dear blogland friends, is what's your take.

1.  How are you wired?  Get more, want more   OR   Get less, want more   OR   something else?
2.  Any idea why it is that way for you?
3.  Is your partner wired the same way?



23 comments:

  1. fiona,

    Orgasm denial will never be a part of my relationship with my wife.

    1. Get more/wanted more. My answer is not exactly what you asked. I was in a relationship before I was married that involved lots and lots of sex! But, I wanted more, but not just sex, a relationship built on a deep personal connection. To answer your question, I want more.

    2. I think it derives from a need for physical contact that is comforting.

    3. I hope you do not expect me to explain the female mind. LOL.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thanks for your response joey. I completely understand what you are saying about that MORE too. I am extraordinarily lucky that I have that more. I don't think I would want him, want to have that physical connection like i do - and I DO crave that with him - if I didn't have a deep emotional connection. If my love wasn't deep and true.

      Hehe...no explaining the fairer sex?

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. We have an agreement that she cannot orgasm with out permission which in part was started around the idea of orgasm denial working towards a greater build up. However in practice I have learned as you suggest she is not wired that way. When I say no instead of building to a greater one she simply gets frustrated and shuts down, now if I let her have one that revs her up to want more and bigger ones until she is just to worn out to continue.

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    1. I don't know if it's a protective act or a side track just leads to de-railing...but I get what you're saying. But like you say, if I am primed...Oh, it is GOOD. That priming, that reving - as you say - is sooo good for us too.

      thanks for your reply,
      fiona

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  3. You and I have that in common...I think my get less/want less stems from a partner who was very critical of my performance..I learned to live with none...Master has me ask for permission, but He also knows, to keep me going the surprise text that says....cum for me!...is what keeps me going.
    hugs abby
    PS..thanks for sharing this..I thought it was just me.

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    1. Oh abby, that should be criminal. Someone being critical of your performance just fucks with your head.

      I love your Master...he is so good for you! I love that he sends you texts like that...WOW! I thought it was a strange thing, because I keep seeing so many posts about Masters making subs wait or not orgasm for lengthy periods...I'm happy to know that we've got this in common.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  4. Orgasm denial does play a part in my dynamic, i am not allowed to orgasm or to masturbate without permission. The longest time i have been denied is nearly 2 months approx and i had times that it niggled me.

    But the positive effect is i like being kept on the edge its when im most sexual perhaps a bit like reverse psycology..the more you want something when you cant have it...so when i do cum damn its worth the wait.

    x

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    1. HOLY CROW....TTTTWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO months?!?!?! Holy Moly. I seriously would become asexual at that point. Like seriously. If I desperately want something and can't have it, eventually I stop wanting it.

      Hmmmm so I wonder what the difference is...what causes you to be excited and me to be less so.....

      hugs,
      fiona

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  5. i'm in the get less/ want less camp :)

    mostly.

    but it's complicated tho. it depends on why i'm getting less in the first place.

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  6. Lisa and I are both a bit like: Use it or lose it.
    It even works that way with spankings.

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    1. Yes, for us too...we're the use it or loose it camp...so I say....

      USE IT!!!!

      hehehe

      hugs,
      fiona

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  7. I honestly think it is pretty normal to want less if you get less. Although I think the point of orgasms denial is that you get going, but just never finish and reach that climax. So you are kept in a constant state of arousal or something. I am honestly glad though that DH doesn't like that.
    1. Get more, want more! Get less, be okay with less...
    2. Out of sight out of mind? You forget how good it is? And I think I just get okay with not having such amazing sex all the time.
    3. Yes. He is even worse than I am. Out of sight out of mind for him...

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    1. Thanks Julia. I really appreciate your answers.

      Hugs,
      fiona

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  8. Orgasm denial: My real, true response? Fuck that shit. Why the fuck would I want to fuck and not experience... OMG. Why? I wouldn't. Fuck that.

    If my husband wanted to explore such a thing I'd call him nuts and possibly abusive and safeword out of the entire relationship.

    Noooow, sometimes there's a morning where we make out like crazy but I don't get to come due to time restraints or the child - and I'm okay with that. It just means later that day will be even hotter. But if it was on the kind of purpose where he just stops whether he has to or not? (sometimes it's on purpose because we start KNOWING he has to go, and that's okay too) I'd be one pissed off woman.

    So, I'm in the get less, get used to less, expect less but be miserable camp, and the want more all the time camp. :)

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    1. Oh, also feel I should say that I initially thought this would be more about electricity. :) "your wiring.."

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    2. No, I felt appropriately chastised by my last post, I'm DONE with electricity and posts :)

      I totally get interruptions or intentional stopping....but the whole - not allowing me to orgasm for periods of time. Yowsa. I can't.

      hugs,
      fiona

      BTW, I wish you felt passionately ... hehehehe .... Fuck that shit :)

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  9. I ADORE orgasm denial, but in our relationship it's something that has developed slowly and organically.

    If there's no sex, no stimulation, nothing going on at all - say due to illness, whatever - then sure, my libedo starts to quietly go to sleep, which is a shame, because normally I'm fairly obsessed with sex, thinking about sex, and am very ready for sex!

    But no stimulation - this isn't what we do! It's denial - or delay - combined with LOTS of teasing and stimulation and it's WONDERFUL - i'm aroused a lot of the time or quick to arouse, when I do finally get to cum it's HUGE, and it's just a really fun game to play.

    I also have to ask permission to touch myself and to make myself cum, which in itself I find arousing because if I'm not at a certain point of desperation I find it difficult to ask, in a shy kinda way, so I have to weigh up how desperate I am... which is win win, because if I am desperate enough I get to touch and cum (he rarely if ever says no unless I'm on a specific period of denial, when asking and being denied is all part of the game)
    and if I'm not desperate enough to cum then I'll stew a little gently and that will help my arousal build up..

    I find that climbing, peaking arousal as good as an orgasm in many ways...

    The longest I've been denied is 5 to 7 days, it's usually tied in with my period, which makes it a much more fun time!

    So i guess what we really practice is teasing and denial - it fits well with my 'wiring' which means I sometimes find it difficult to tip over that edge and cum. We've incorporated a count down - he counts down from 10, and then I'm allowed to cum - and this is brilliant, pavlovian style this now practically guarantees that I'll cum!

    It's a complex thing. He loves me cumming, and loves making me cum, so long extended periods of denial or him randomly deny me is unlikely to happen, and I'm not sure I'd want it to anyway. What's developed works really well for us, it's another tool for pleasure like spankings are, if you see what I mean, and a lot of it is to do with him talking - it gives delicious fuel to his words, he'll tease me with the idea of not cumming for example, which gets me more revved up and to that point of being ready to cum than anything else...

    What can I say, I'm a mass of contradictions! For example, him telling me I've got to cum twice makes my arousal dip into nothingness, more often than not, him telling me I cant or might not get to cum has me right on the edge immediately! so this game we play works brilliantly for us :)

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    1. Thank you very much for your comment. You know, I must say I didn't understand how Orgasm denial worked for others and I get it now. I understand how it works in your dynamic. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain how this works for y'all.

      It's funny, I think many of us are a mass of contradictions. Who knows how and why we work the way we do :) I am glad you all know what works for you and that it's a match...

      hugs,
      fiona

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    2. Oh oh, I like the IDEA of orgasm denial incorporated into play - there's nothing that makes me come faster, I think, than when he tells me he might not let me - when he makes me say "please" first.

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    3. Yes Conina, that exactly! You see, I don't think he's ever actually said no to me cumming, unless it's been an agreed period of orgasm denial (which has come about because I've craved it and begged for it). It's the fact that he *might* say no!

      And the - 'if you don't cum in x minutes then you won't get to tonight' thing - oh my...

      As for the agreed periods of orgasm denial - well, they include lots of teasing and playing, & I know an end's in sight. Plus if it doesn't go well due to unforeseen circumstances - illness, or I and my hormones react bizarrely and in a not-fun or unhelpful way - then he will (as he has on one or two occasions) step in and end it early.

      But when it does go well - whooo boy!

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  10. Orgasm denial is a part of our dynamic and there is no touching or climaxing without permission. It is a complete turn on and keeps me wanting it all the time. That being said one is never denied for very long, maybe a week was the longest.

    The turn on for me is the control aspect off it. Whenever Daddy exerts control its a turn on.

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    1. Thanks for helping me understand. I'm glad that you found something that works well for you both. I understand control being a turn on. It is for me too.

      ~fiona

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Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona