Saturday, October 12, 2013

Nothing

Here's hoping.

Sir walked up behind me.
He put his arms around me and hugged me.
I laid my head back against his chest.

His hands began to wander.
They lifted my shirt and rubbed my stomach.

His hands rubbed higher.
He deftly...no, I can't say that
He awkwardly took off my bra
And began to play with my breasts

My nipple were erect and he
Twisted and turned and tugged.

I tried.
I always adore nipple play
It's the BEST.
I turned my head to the side
Keeping it against his chest
And cried.

I am just turned off.
I felt him playing and felt nothing.
Nothing erotic
Nothing exciting
No physical response.

I cried.

How do I find the on-switch?
How do I feel?

I have laughed.
I have smiled.

Why can't I feel?

My poor Sir has been so supportive and patient. He deserves attention. He deserves his Fiona. But I'm turned off. I feel no submissive desires, no sexual desires, nothing.

22 comments:

  1. just like everything else, Fiona, it takes time. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with HS .. it sounds like you are in mourning ... suffered a traumatic loss(?), I am sorry you are in such a bad way. Let Sir take care of you & you will find your way back. Things will get better :)


    Best wishes
    (((hugs)))
    gk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, gk, I am. Sir is trying his best...I'm working on finding my way.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  3. Having gone through this recently myself one might think I had some great advice, I don't. Just give yourself some time, be gently with yourself and do not expect everything to be better instantly. Take baby steps, celebrate the small accomplishments. It will come back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks faerie. I appreciate this...especially knowing what you've been dealing with. I absolutely hate feeling...this sadness or nothingness. I want...desperately want to feel like me. I'm not patient...it's difficult.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  4. HUGS my dear friend......trust Him, trust your love, and give it time. hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks abby. Trust is easy...being patient is NOT.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  5. I'm sorry!!! I hope things get better with time. Lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks dag. I appreciate that! Time will heal all...I just need to weather the time.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  6. If you are in mourning, give yourself more time to grieve. It really is ok to be not your normal self at this time. Big hugs!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks ksst. I am mourning and the sadness is profound. But I'm working on the grief...thanks for the virtual hug!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  7. Hugs, lots of them

    As has been said, give it time, it will all come back.

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks tori! I appreciate your support.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  8. fiona, all good things come in time not everything is instant gratification. The best things comes from patience and hard work. So give it time and look forward to the best of times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks sindee...sadly, I'm not great at patience. Hard work I'm just fine with...but patience is difficult.

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete
  9. LIght and love to you both...it's a process that takes time. I know you hate reading that. It took me a year to feel again. I spent 12 months being numb, tuned out. Maybe I could have had drugs to get me back up again, but I didn't and I eventually emerged from the miasma...and crying is its own way of healing. Love you...

    nilla

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks nilla. That crying part is killing me. I'm not a crier and this crying is exhausting!

      hugs,
      fiona

      Delete

Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona