Thank You

I am
Thankful


I am so Thankful.

Here in the United States, 
it's Thanksgiving Day.

It's a day to take stalk and 
remember what we are thankful for.
(It's also a day of great excess for many.)

Today, I wanted to say 

Thank You! 

From blogging I have learned...

• I can express many things I would be uncomfortable with expressing verbally by simply letting my fingers do the typing.  It has been so cathartic.
• Folks who comment here are insanely supportive and kind and kindred spirits.
• I am supported by many, many people, in good times and less good times as well as in kinky posts and vanilla.
• That I can have exceptionally wonderful friends who I met through this virtual world...yup, true friends, who I know well...and who know me.
• I am submissive - and that does NOT make me weak, a freak, incompetent, or abnormal.
• I adore spanking and bondage and rough sex - and that does NOT make me weak, a freak, incompetent, or abnormal.

Thank you readers, commenters, and friends.  

I am Thankful for y'all.  

Y'all make a difference in my life!

The Dam Broke

I asked...actually asked.

"Sir, can you take a few minutes to take me to the basement and...
*blushing*
...and use your belt, or hand, or...anything?"

"I'll make a point."

Now, Sir has a way of forgetting things...on a regular basis.
It's quite infuriating for someone who forgets almost nothing.

He went to lay down with one of our children who was struggling and...
That's that.   He's going to fall asleep.

....and...

yup, he fell asleep.

As 11:30 came around, I decided it was time to go to bed.
He steps out of her room and says he'll be down in a minute.

Are you kidding me?  He's exhausted and I'm now tired.

As I finish turning off lights and locking doors,
he appears at the bottom of the stairs.

He's got a crop in his hand and swats my bum.

"Let's go."
I argue with him, that I understand and am grateful that he remembered,
but that he's tired and I'm ready for bed and we should go up to bed ourselves.

After some back and forth, he agrees and up we go.

We get ready for bed and snuggle under the sheets, lights out.

He spoons and pulls me close to his side.
He reaches his hand around and begins to play with my nipple.

He's rolling and squeezing and
OUCH
Dayam, he pinched hard but immediately went back to
rolling and squeezing and flicking and rolling.

I'm starting to moan and my hips are beginning to move
Traitorous hips!
When he's finished getting me thoroughly worked up,
he moves to the other nipple.
"Can't show favorites"

By the time he's done, I'm a puddle of desire!

He rolls me onto my back and inserts his finger.
He begins to finger me and it's feeling good.

He leans his mouth down and sucks and nips at my
seriously over sensitized nipples.

He knows that edge of pain with pleasure makes for a heady sensation!

He continues fingering me,
curling his finger up inside my pussy.
He's hitting just the right spot and I can feel the pleasure rising,
hitting a fever peak.

He bites on my nipple and
fucks my pussy hard with his hand and
I cum...Oh holy hell do I cum.

My body tightens, my hands go up over my mouth
to stifle the scream emanating from my mouth.
My entire abdomen is in spasms and ...
I can feel the gush of fluid as I squirt.

He doesn't stop there, he rides it until my tremors stop.
Him continuing to finger me as my pussy pulsed
made the orgasm last so much longer.

When he pulls his hand away, he's drenched.
Oh, holy hell, I would be mortified, but I can't....
I feel so completely sated.  Nope, no regret or embarrassment.
Just pleasure.

He rolls over and I DIVE for his cock.
Oh, it's so hard...so so very hard.
You know, sometimes his cock is much longer than others.

This time, I can't get near to the end without seriously gagging.
I'm typically pretty good at that, but dayam.

I suck and kiss and lick and suck and bite and suck.
He grabs me and throws me on top of him.

I whine that I want, I want, I need his cock in my mouth.

He slaps my tits as I sit on top of him and it acts like a switch.
I become a wanton slut.
I ride with reckless abandon.

I'm all in!

I feel...oh hell...I start to cum again.
It's strong and at some point, my body freezes.
I can hear nothing and cannot move.
All feeling is centered around his cock in my pussy.

He holds me in place and lets my body return to me.
I figured he'd cum and his hot cum squiring caused the orgasm.

Then he starts to move and ... nope, he's definitely not done.
He pulses into me, hard and fast.

It's like that first orgasm was an earthquake,
Causing fissures in my Orgasm dam.
Squirting, opened up the fissures, releasing some water.
Now, fucking has broken the dam.

He fucks hard, continuing on and I cum again.
I just can't believe it.
They're mind-blowing - each one.

I can't even remember how many times I came before he finally did.

"God, I love you. " he declares. 
"Feel better??
"Oh, my God, I love you too.  I feel....ohmygod, that was amazing."

I remember just a few days ago asking if he thought I would ever squirt again.
So many times this fall, he would finger me and I just didn't feel anything,
then I felt pain or discomfort,
then I felt pleasure,
then, euphoria!

No Release = Feisty

Some may say....

     ... I am in a mood
     ... I'm ornery
     ... I'm feisty
     ... I'm a pain in the ass
     ... I'm full of vinegar
     ... I'm being a brat

Lots of words.

And, well...
all of those things may be accurate.

After a morning of ___insert description from above___
I tell Sir, "I'm really in a mood"

"I can tell," he says with that "Dumb Ass" sort of tone.

I continue on, "I think when we go
too long between playing 
I get anxious...
I need that release."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"It's either that or shut off." I explain.

"No, I'd rather you get feisty
and I can deal with you - 
help put you back on your place."

Sounds about perfect...well perfect would never going so long between playing or spanking or .... whatever....that you never get a chance to be feisty.  But, in my reality, that won't happen, so his desire to know and deal with .... me .... yup, that's MY perfect.

Life Long Learning

We're snuggling after...some fun, when Sir says,

"I don't know what books you're reading,
but you have really gotten good at giving blow jobs."

Don't think I could have smiled any bigger.

---------------------------BUT---------------------------

But...Of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone
and had to continue to over think...um...everything :)

So, when we had a minute alone I quietly said,
"so what have I changed to make them so much better for you?"

Thank God - what he has perceived as changed and better
is indeed what I've been trying to change and focus on
- that could have been bad.

So....those things...

well among them was,
Licking, more.  Focusing on the vein under his shaft.
Licking his balls more and sucking on them and touching them.
Nibbling and kissing.
Rubbing my tongue around the tip more.
Adding more variety...suck, kiss, nibble, swirl, lick, suck...etc.

So....sad, isn't it...
I've been giving this man blow jobs for well over twenty years
and I went too frequently past a quick kiss or lick or three,
straight to sucking and taking him deep and going up and down on his shaft.

So...fabulous, isn't it...
I've been giving this man blow jobs for well over twenty years
and I didn't become too complacent and
still want to learn how to make our sex life better...
and thank goodness, so does he.

Spanking the Ice Away

We're alone in the living room.
Sir hugs me and kisses me, intimately,
Taking my breath away.

He pulls away and whispers in my ear,
"So, did you enjoy last night?"

I say nothing.
I can't.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm ....
I can't.

*swat* 
*swat*
*swat*

quick on my left butt cheek.
"fiona, I asked you a question.  
Did you enjoy last night?"

I bury my head in his chest.
He twists his hand in my hair and tips my head up.
In self defense, I close my eyes.
"answer me, fiona."

"you did."

He spins me around with such rapidity,
I don't quite realize what happened.

He's bent me over the side of the couch and

*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

all in the same infernal spot.

He's not holding back, he's hitting hard.

"answer me, fiona."

I hear him, but not really.
I'm breathing and processing.
...and besides that...
I can't.
I don't know why it bothered me so much to admit it.
but there you have my silly brain.


*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*
*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

"Well, fiona.  Do you have something to say?"
--insert me swallowing my fucking stupid pills--
"your hand has to hurt at this point."

--ya, totally the WRONG thing to say--

He repositions his legs so that he completely traps my legs against the side of the couch.
He shifts and begins again,
hitting the same, FUCKING spot...
but ya I was right...he's switched hands.
But he just keeps going.

He's holding nothing back and he's not stopping
and then it happens.

My ice breaks and I soften.
I can feel myself melt.
Physically, my body relaxes into the sofa.
My breathing slows and becomes more regular.
My vocalization reduces
My mind slows
My nerves calm
My anxiety replaced with contentment.

When he stops this time, I offer, eagerly,
"Yes, Sir, I enjoyed last night.  Thank you, Sir"

A really good spanking sure can break the ice!

From Soft to Hard to Soft

"Would you like to have my lips around your cock before we work on scheduling or after?"

"After, I won't be able to think after, so let's get this done."

...so after we worked on our schedules, he started working on...
something.

I don't know what, but he was off and working on something.

"So, I waited patiently, may I suck on your cock, Sir?"
"You're right, you have waited patiently," he said as he put his computer aside
and leaned back in his chair.

As I knelt down, I looked at him.
"Do you know how many husbands would love to have their wife --"

**SMACK**
His hand caressed the cheek he just smacked.

My comment was all but forgotten and my eyes closed.
My breath caught, my stomach tightened and my pussy got wet.

"Do you want to continue that comment?" he asks gently
as he continues to caress my cheek, threat implied.

I shook my head and started unbuckling his belt in earnest.
I opened his pants and immediately put my mouth on his cock.

As he had just been working, he wasn't hard.
I sucked his soft cock into my mouth.
The head is so soft and suckable.
It's extraordinarily comforting, suckling at a semi-hard cock...
and I say suckling, because that's what it feels like.

It's amazing to have it harden in my mouth,
inch by thickening, firming, erotic inch.

I begin to look up at him and his hand grips the back of my head.
His fingers pulling my hair together to form a ponytail handle.
The minute his fingers tighten, my pussy has another surge of electricity,
wetness creeping down, energy spiking, need bubbling inside.

I moan, audibly and begin to move more quickly.
He's fully erect in my mouth now and he feels so ...
exquisitely perfect in my mouth,
with my tongue sliding up and down the vein
and circling around the head,
and moaning as he increases the pace.

He's fucking my mouth.
My head is trapped, I'm not allowed to move.

I need his cock.  I desperately want his cock.
"I don't want a drop on my pants, understand me?"

I moan.
That control, that dominance.  He's got me.
The pace we're going at is insanely fast.
He starts to come and his hand holds me sill on his cock.

I suck and suck, holding the spurts of cum in my mouth,
suckling each and every drop.

My head doesn't move.
I can feel his cock softening again.
I hold his cum and cock in my warm sucking mouth and
simply breath and come down off of my high.

I had no physical intimate touching and yet,
I am satisfied by this act.

I suckle and breath and feel his cock and am present to him.

When he's decided it's been long enough,
he pulls me off of him and I open my mouth
and show him his cum.

"Oh, fiona, you are such a good girl!"
I smile...that smile.
That satisfied, submissive, ecstatic smile.

We're both very content.

Ask For It

So Sir has this nasty, abhorrent, sadistic, 

habit of saying....

"Ask for it, fiona."

But, why?  

Why make me ask?

I hate loathe to ask.

He knows what I want,

why does he make me ask for it?

It's embarrassing.

It's difficult.

It's humiliating.

It makes me too vulnerable.

I want YOU to just take, anyway.

It's...oh hell...just do...don't make me ask!

He explained to me the other day why.

I was dumb founded.

I think I didn't give him enough credit

sometimes too frequently.  

He knows what he's doing.

HOLY SHIT!

He KNOWS what he's doing!

He explained that I am so strong willed

and I fight, internally so much,

that he makes me ask for it,

or bring him the implement,

or bend over on my own,

as an outward sign of my submission

and that when I do this,

it helps ME break down my own internal walls

and puts me in a better mind set

and makes me more pliable and submissive.

HOLY SHIT,

Who knew?  

Well he did, obviously...

It's kind of sad that it was a revelation to me,

but one that I'm thrilled to have had!

Thank you, Sir.

LOL Love Our Lurkers Day

Wow!  The eighth annual
LOVE
OUR
LURKERS
Day!!!
Thank you Bonnie for organizing!!


I lurked for a very long time, reading about peoples fantasies, experiences, reviews, stories.

But to comment.  Oh, the stress!  I had to set up an account to comment on any non-anonymous blogs...what if I said the wrong thing...what if the blogger didn't appreciate my comment...what if what if what if.

So, you know what I found out?  I commented and the blogger responded!  It was like I was part of the conversation.

As a blogger now, I have to say, that commenters are a gift.  I really appreciate everyone who has commented.  I have made a commitment to respond to EVERYONE who comments.  If I have missed someone, it is an accident and will fix it if you let me know.  I truly appreciate you taking the time and making it a conversation.

So....as it's LOL day...here's your chance.  Take the plunge.  Make a comment!

Don't know what to say?  Here are some suggestions...
1.  What's your favorite BDSM/erotic book?
2.  What's your favorite sex toy?
3.  Why do you like to read here?
4.  Just simply say - "Hi - I'm here!"


I am grateful that you come and read about my slice of life.  

Hugs,fiona

Life, Belt, Life

So, he took me into the basement.

It is a beautiful finished basement,
but currently pretty unfurnished.

It was evening and we were swapping holiday decorations.
Life.  Busy, busy.
After we put away the things we needed to,
he pulled me up tight against him and kissed me.

There had been no sexual innuendo,
no teasing or taunting,
no lead in.

He kissed me and put his hands in my hair and
pulled my head to the angle HE wanted.

He put his other hand on may ass and
squeezed and pinched and
began to smack.

There is a table and chairs in the basement
and he spun me around and pushed me down on it.

"Ask me for it, fiona." was his command.
"Please, Sir." I quickly retorted.

"Please, what?"
Damn...
"Please, spank me."

"Please spank me what?"
"Please spank me, Sir."

"That's better, fiona.  We need to work on that, fi."
"Yes, Sir."

I heard it.
I HEARD IT!!!

His belt was coming off.
Holy shit, there is NOTHING sexier than the sound of

a thick
leather
belt

being pulled through its loops

being doubled over

getting ready for a strapping.

Oh, my stomach was so full of
hyperactive butterflies
I could hardly breath.

I stretched my self across the table and held the other side.

My ass was there and ready,
as was my mind!

He struck and it stung and
the heat was released...as were the endorphins.

He struck across one side - then the other.
He was hitting over my pants so he was not going easy.

It hurt, but I wanted it.
I could feel my ass raising up,
asking for more.

I could hear my moans, but not protests.

I could feel my nipples hardening.

Oh, I needed this.

He spanked, hard with his belt for a while.

Then he stopped and he was done.
He was putting his belt back on and

spontaneously, I turned around,
fell to my knees and
kissed his cock,
through his pants.

I buried my head and he reached his hand down
and petted my hair and stroked my cheek.
"Thank you thank you thank you thank you."

Then he reached down and pulled me up.
He kissed my forehead and we were off to continue on with our evening.
Life continuing on.

Sir's Answers with Color Commentary

I stole this from Tori at Pain's Pleasure (though mildly adapted to fit our TTWD dynamic)

An interview with my Sir (I typed the answers verbatim as he answered them)
...with MY color commentary.

Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked your spanking or Dominate interest? 
Sir Q:  Some of these might be unfulfilling answers...no not particularly.
me:  seriously, I think he's always been kinky.

What are you often called by your girl?
Sir Q:  Sir.
me:  Master will also pop up, or infrequently Daddy.

We're building a big spanko fire, which implement would your bottom/sub/slave toss in?
Sir Q:  the Crop.
me:  Oh, HELL NO!  The cane, the fucking hairbrush....I could come up with other options, but not the crop!  I'd dive in for that one!

We all know how many punishments there are to choose from, but what about rewards? Do you have a favourite reward that is used? If not what's something you would like to use as a reward?
Sir Q:  masturbating you with a dildo.
me:  That may be for him and for me...honestly, he has a thing for that gigantic purple one.

Whats that one phrase, that when its used, she knows she is in trouble?
Sir Q:  You've been a very bad girl.
me:  I would have said "Excuse me"...with that voice and his eyebrow raised.  YIKES.

What's something you would like to cross off your Spanking bucket list? 
Sir Q:  hmmm, now that's a good one.  Watching another girl spank you.
me:  Please!  Pretty Please!!

Someone comes to you and says there just starting D/s. Whats the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
Sir Q:  To pay attention to your sub and what they enjoy.
me: Wow, that's a good one.  I'm surprised.  I would add communicate, communicate, communicate to that one.

We talked about spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it, what about a BDSM style bucket list, what would you like to cross off?
Sir Q:  Tying you up all night.
me: mmmmmm!  I would add rope and dungeon or camp play or a cross or .... hmmm, I may need a bigger bucket =)

Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying it and finding it effective?
Sir Q:  Twisting your nipples really hard.
me: when he says really hard, what he meant was ...twisting her nipples almost off her body!  UGH.  

If your girl could take a break from a rule for one week, what rule would it be?
Sir Q:  OK, ya - that's a good one.  I don't know
me: NOT biting his lip.  That is my favorite thing and what I get in trouble for on a regular basis!  It's just so damn delectable.

If you messed up and you offered to let you bottom/sub/slave spank you, would she? why/why not?
Sir Q:  Yes, because every once and a while we switch.
me: He answered that one quickly.  Of course...we did it forever. No prob!

If you could only use one implement here on out, what would it be?
Sir Q:  Hairbrush
me: Now he's just being sadistic.  UGH.  That would be added to the fucking bonfire first!



I added my color commentary mostly because it's kinda funny - and he doesn't read here =)

Oops...

How exactly has it been...
oh wait, I have to go look.

Holy cow, It's been NINE days since I last posted.

Sorry.

Life got busy.

Nothing tragic.
Still morning.

Finding some of my mojo.
Still, not back...but working on it.

Sadly, some things just don't...feel.
They don't feel like they used to.
I hope to get back to the place where
I can have a clitoral orgasm...but
to have an orgasm with him fingering me is illusive.
It just doesn't feel the same anymore.

Hell, for that matter, my nipples have just started feeling again.
I swear - it was the weirdest thing...
they just stopped feeling at all.
And I ADORE nipple play...
one of my most favoritest things (yes I know that's not correct grammar).

But...slowly...
slowly...

I'm making progress.
We're making progress.

It's often two steps forward...
one or three back.

I am seriously hopeful that as November is upon us...
life may settle.
I may get a grip on this grieving thing.
I may get a grip on my home life.
I may find my groove in life and
therein find my mojo =)