Holiday Kinky Vanilla

Sorry for my extended break.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa

Happy Holidays to you and your kin.

I am sorry for my extended absence.

As I write this, I'm in the middle of a conversation
with a lot of extended family...laptop on my lap - facing a wall.
No one knows what I'm doing...
No one knows I'm a sex blogger...
No one knows that I'm kinky...
nor that my amazing husband next to me is kinky.

That's so representative of my life right now.

I have moments of complete vanilla
and moments of our normal kinky Ds lives.

Our sex is much less frequent with
travel and holidays and life.

But much less frequent means not every day, but more than once a week...

And frequent kisses, hugs, smacks, spanks, pinches, tweaks, and fingers in between. 

I hope that all of you have been
safe,
sane,
and
consensually
fucking your way through the holidays.

Hugs my friends,
fiona

Dogs

Folks talk about

A boy and his dog

Well, in our home, it's

A girl and her dog 

And

A man and his bitch

LOL

Happy 

Love Our Lurkers 

Day!!

I know there are a couple of you who read

but don't comment.  

I did - for a while.  

• I didn't want to screw something up and let someone know who I was.
• I didn't want to say something that would be construed as "dumb".
• I didn't think I would have anything to add to the conversation.
• and on and on.

But here's the thing.  As a blogger now, I have to say that I appreciate EVERY comment.  Truly.  I really appreciate people taking a minute to let me know they're there…weather it's just to say hi or to give sage advice or funny snarky comments.  I do appreciate them all.

SO for those who don't know what to say here are some options…

KINKY:

• What's your favorite sex toy and why?
• What's your sexiest jewelry?
• What's your favorite erotic book?
• Where's the more memorable place you've had sex?

VANILLA:

• What's your favorite song right now?
• What's your favorite color?
• What's your favorite cookie?
• Where's your happiest place to travel?

PLEASE Comment and let me know you're lurking!

THANKS

Broken

We're kinda broken. 

Physically

Emotionally 

Sexually 

Broken. 

Sir has been sick

We are struggling with 

Stress

Grief

Stress

Issues with our home

Stress

Issues at work

Stress

Issues with our children

Stress

And looming largest

Grief

And we aren't able to connect sexually

At

All!!

Because he's been ill, 

we haven't kissed

Because of my emotional devastation,

we haven't had any kink

Hell we have hardly had any sex at all

And this isolation is adding to the stress. 

But we can't seem to reset. 

Tonight I asked to be spanked and in the middle - we had a mishap and then I burst into tears. 

It's feeling overwhelming and hopeless. 

I know it's not. 

This too shall pass. 

But damn!

I'm stressed 

And BROKEN!

Later

My world has kind of fallen apart. 

I will be missing for a bit. 

Hugs to you all. 

Confusion

We have been caught up in life.

It's Halloween around here 

and there is a lot of hoopla

We have a LOT going on with our home

Lots of stress

Lots of manual labor

Lots of time

While we are having sex

and lots of talk during

And periodic spanks

and a quick hand around my neck

here and there

We've had relatively little kink

Very little Domination.

Sir was leaving for a business trip

I walked him to his car and said,

"There's just been so much change and transition.

"Yes, there has."

"It's ok, you know.  If you need to be done, we can be."

He looks kind of confused, 

then the light dawns on him.

"Fiona, No.  That is not what I meant."

"I know you've had more switch thoughts recently."

"No, fiona.  No.  I know what I've been wanting

and thinking and dreaming about at night."

But sadly, he was running late for his flight,

so that was the end of that.

No further explanation.

Ohmygoodness I need to be settled.  

Morning Conversation

Sir was half asleep this morning
and I was wrapped around him,
snuggling close
my hand rubbing his cock.

He sleepily moans as I grab his balls
and scrunch them up slightly.

"mmmmmm, that feels good.
I may want some more attention 
sometime soon."



<silence>



"I think I want you to put in the small plug."
(he means…not in me)

"any time."

"You know, I love it when I have that 
in my ass
and your pussy on my mouth."




<silence>




"so….do you want it as in…
you telling me to do it…

or….


…as in a switch?"


"switch"

tip tap SWACK

We walked in the door and
Sir took me straight to our room
He shut and locked the door,
holding onto my neck.

He took me to the bed and
laid me over it.

He pulled up my dress
and as he had commanded no underwear,
my ass was bare.

He put his hand in the small of my back
making me arch slightly
inviting his spanks

He reddened my ass.

He made quick work on warming me up.

Then he told me not to move and 
I could imaging he went to our closet
for the crop.

He came back and my heart began beating faster.

Her rubbed my ass and then…

tip
tap
tip
tap
tap

it wasn't a crop after all.

He hadn't had the cane out in a long time.

He started lightly and 
worked all over my ass.

I got to the point I was breathing
so heavily
and my back was arched and 
I was pegging for more.

He stopped and then told me,
"Now three good ones."

SWACK

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH"

My back curves like a cat
and I stop breathing…
but in a minute 
(or 30 seconds),
the pain turns to a warmth
that spreads throughout my body
like electricity 

and I arch my back again,
raising my ass.

"Oh, good girl.  
I love it when you ask with your body, fiona."

His encouragement just excites me more.

SWACK
SWACK

This time he didn't spread them out.
I was seriously breathless and he immediately goes back.

tip
tap
tip
tap
tap

tip
tap
tip
tap
tap

then

SWACK SWACK SWACK

and he's done.

He's caressing my ass.

He sits down on a chair and 

calls me over.

He commands me to turn around

away from him

and bend over.

He traces the lines on my ass.

"Oh, fiona.  

You have beautiful stripes."

He caresses each stripe

and then commands me to kneel before him

and he takes my hand and puts it on his shorts

demonstrating his rock hard cock.

The knowledge that he loves my stripes…

He loves giving me the stripes…

that it makes him so hard….

makes me want him desperately.

Bottoms Up

Position

Well, I fucked up.

Sir and I went to bed.
I snuggled up beside him,
and began to stroke and caress him.

He got hard in fairly short order
and I asked if I could lock the door.

After locking it, I dove at his cock.

I sucked and licked and kissed and nibbled.

I loved sucking on his cock.  
It's length is perfect…
not so long as to gag me continually
long enough to gag me if he desires
not so thick that it's uncomfortable in my mouth
thick enough to fill my mouth comfortably

I thoroughly enjoyed his cock…

then he pulled me up on top of him.

I know he was tired,
He wanted me to fuck him to sleep…
and I got tired and asked him to roll…

then pitched a fit…because I was sick of being on top.

So…
the night…
didn't end well.

And damn, 
I knew better.

I just was mentioning in my previous post
how lucky I am…we are…that we have such a 
wonderful sexual connection.

Then I pitch a fit…
about position.

And what am I??

How submissive is that?

Well…NOT at all!

We talked about positions.
We talked about sex
we're working on making adjustments 
so we're both satisfied.

Though…I'm a bit concerned…
I'm not feeling as submissive as I typically do.

I know there are seasons…
there are ups and downs.

I don't know if this is a season or a cycle.
makes me nervous and a bit unsettled.
(but I'll keep that to myself for now).

Days

So out of the blue…

Sir says to me,
"It's been days."

and immediately I know
what he means.

It's been DAYS since we've had SEX!!!

and for us that's noteworthy!  

And then I think…
Dayam! I am so lucky!

Not that I haven't had to have sex in days,

but that for us, it's noteworthy that
we haven't had sex in days.

I love that after … so so long …
we're still fucking like rabbits!!

(most of the time)

When He Spanks Me

Sir holds my arm, bent behind my back
my back to his front.

"Bend over."
"Please, I just want a hug."

"I'll give you a wonderful embrace,
just as soon as I have reddened your ass.
Now bend over."

I bent over and Sir rewarded me.

He bent me over,
pulled down my pants
and gave me Six of His Best.

Then pulled my hips back to slam
against his ROCK HARD COCK.

Man, it's insane how much it turns me on,
how much I am GRATIFIED,
by the simple fact that he gets rock hard
when he spanks me.

I was absolutely ravenous
RAVENOUS
by the time he embraced me.

We kissed - his hands reaching and
unclasping my bra…groping my breasts.
he dipped me back and sucked hard
on the nipples he had just pinched.

When it was just more than I could handle,
I dropped to my knees
and was so desperate for his cock,
I took it…sheathed in cloth.

He yanked my hair and unsheathed his beautiful Gift.
I sucked and he fucked.
He fucked my mouth harder than he ever has.

He reveled in making me gag,
I lost myself.

So much, that when he pulled out,
I literally crawled after it…Him.

So then, on my hands and knees,
He grabbed my pony tail and held me…on my hands and knees,
then once again…SPANKED ME.
But this time it was with his BELT.

H
A
R
D

Then pulled me up to my knees,
smoothed the hair that had gotten in my face,
tilted my face up to look at him…
His eyes were molten and sexy as sin.
He caressed my face,
turned my head to the side and rubbed my cheek.
Then
SMACK
just once on the cheek.
He turned my face back, looked in my eyes and waited.

"thank you, Sir."
"Good Girl. "

He turned my face to the other side,
caressing my cheek again,
"Please, Pleeeaaase," I begged.

SMACK.

He turned my face back up to look at him.
He looked in my eyes and then
grabbed his cock…took my head
and finished fucking my mouth.

Oh how I LOVE when he spanks me!!!!

Hair Brush

Sir says to me in the car

In front of others...

"Don't forget to put the hair brush out on my night stand. 

I want to make sure to 

Brush your hair in the morning,

Until it's nice and shiny,

Supple and compliant,

And shows it's beautiful color."

...ya, he totally wasn't talking about my hair and Dayam, but I loathe that brush!

Caveman

Mental note to self…

Do NOT call your Dominant 

a caveman…

He may not appreciate it!

heheheheh

lesson learned!

More

Sir has been so much more brazen.

There has been requirements for
going out without undergarments

There has been more
more grabbing 
more touching
more pinching
more orgasms
more bondage
more spanking
more control

public and private

and

IT

IS

GOOD

Recalibration

So blogland is a funny place…

a fascinating place

a liberating place.

…and blogland friends are

special.

The friends I have made
my virtual friends
have been special.

It's liberating to have friends
where we can share…

We can share anything…
everything.

I feel like I have gotten closer 
in a shorter amount of time
than I typically would.

But that also means 
that when my virtual friends disappear
or go dark,

the loss is so much more profound.

It's rough and so makes such an impact.  

Now, I've been a fairly absentee blogger
as of late.

Life has gotten in the way…

thank God not in the way of sex…
just in the way of reporting it.

So….

I also need to recalibrate…
To remember that this is for me…
that this is fun…

and to not take things too seriously.
Not get too involved
not put too much on it
and to not get too invested

Instructions

So, Sir gives me lists … with some frequency.

Generally they include 
!!!!!
(which means I must masturbate and report)

Well, this week, I followed my instructions.
I spent some time and watched some porn

ya, it's a guilty pleasure

Then when seriously primed…
I had a fabulous cum.

Then I took a shower and 
shaved.

He's commented several times
that he can't wait until my GYN appointment
so that I can shave…
He likes me bare.

I am unwilling to go to the GYN bare…
especially when I struggle with ingrown hairs…
(ya, I know, TMI - funny that I don't mind telling y'all
about floggings and canings and spankings and fuckings,
but ingrown hairs…ugh)

ANYWAY

I shaved, leaving a nice landing strip :)

Sir came home early.
He walked me into the closet 
and turned me around and
Took off my bra, bent me over
and spanked me

His hand reached around me
and touched myHis pussy

He fingered me and made me cum
"Push against my fingers, fiona."
he commanded…and I came again,
but this time I squirted … huge.

As his fingers left His pussy,
my juices literally running down my legs,
He moved his hands to tortured myHis nipples

He laid me on the bed,
handed me the vibrator and
Commanded me to masturbate
naked and exposed on the bed.

He told to dress in a skirt and no panties
No bra

I asked if I could wear my cupless bra
…it gives him access like he wants
and me less saggy breasts, like I want :)

He said Yes!

So after cumming, yet again,
I quickly dawned and flirty skirt,
lovely camisole and heels.

He was thrilled with what he saw 
it made me smile…

Dinner and a movie ahead...

Lists and !!!!!

So…just for a bit, 
to help me and to help him

to make sure we're on the same page

I give Sir my phone at night 
and he makes a "To Do" list 

I love those simple…
Commands.

I love the clarity

I love that flexibility

I love the 

!!!!!


Oh, ya…
he throws in the likes that just say 
"!!!!!"

This means that I am to masturbate
and report when I'm done.

Spanking

Sir has been quite particular with me recently.

Not everyday, but periodically,
he's been giving me commands as to how I dress…

Wear a skirt.
Don't wear panties.
No bra.
Wear a dress.
Be comfortable.

and so on.

Well this week, he had me wear a dress or skirt for several days.

He also told me to ask for permission to wear panties and bras.
He said that frequently I will be allowed, but I need to ask.

So this week there was a day when he was feeling very…

SPANKY

Ohmygawd!

I was commanded to wear a skirt and top with no underwear or bra.

He thoroughly enjoyed the easy access to my ass and pussy and tits.

Not an hour went by that I wasn't fondled, spanked, fucked, masturbated.

At one point, he took his belt off,
made me kiss it,
then tanned my hide…
seriously.

I have bruises today,
unlike I have ever had…
and they have made me smile all day long!

His enjoyment of the spanking has been obvious.

Mine is easily seen as well, when he "checks to see" if I am enjoying it.

I still marvel,
I still don't quite understand…
why does he like to spank me?
what makes him hard…how can he possibly get hard from spanking me?
what is enjoyable to him?

I don't get it.

For me…I love Love LOVE it!
I am grateful and appreciative.

….and love my bruises that sometimes accompany a good through spanking!

Spontaneous Punishment Spanking.

I have never really been spanked as a punishment.

Well…that's not true, but kinda.

I've never been spanked with such great force,
through my objections and tears…
and it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED…
and Him too.

Anyway, I was being a pissy little girl
and after getting all sorts of unhappy,
I went and laid down on my bed and cried…
also not like me, as I'm not a crier.

Before I had cried myself out,
Sir walks into the room,
strides directly to the bed,
unceremoniously lifts my skirt,
(uncovering my pantiless behind).

I object and put my hand that is readily available
over my bare ass to cover it.

He roughly grabs my hand,
squeezes my wrist and holds it in place.
He leans his body over mine
preventing any further impedance to his assault on my ass
and proceeds

to spank the shit out of my ass!

I cried
   He continued to spank hard.

I objected
   He continued to spank quickly.

I carried on
He continued to spank with authority.

I finally stopped and took my spanking.
He continued to spank.

I gave up my struggle,
I gave up my fit,
I gave up my power … willingly.

I settled.

He gathered me in his arms,
pulled me up and around to cradle me.
He soothed me with his words and actions.

Lollipop

So Sir bought me a 

Wild Cherry sucker today

while we were out.

I sucked on it all the way home.

We planned on doing work

as soon as we got home.

Instead, He brought me straight

to our room - 

pulled down one side of my dress

took the sucker from my mouth

rubbed it all over my nipple

(I was wearing a quarter cup bra

at his command)

and then sucked wildly.

Ohmygod it felt so insanely wonderful

He repeated it with the other side…

Then pushed me on the bed,

pulled my legs apart,

Shoved the lollipop in my pussy…

rubbed it up and down and 

fucked my pussy with it.

It both felt great and was seriously erotic.

He then put the pussy juice covered lollipop

back into my mouth and 

commanded me to suck,

while he ate me with great skill and fervor.

Mmmmmmmmmm good.

Cage (Part Deux)

OK…so the cage.

Um…

well….

Ya, I love love LOVED it.

I've been in it a couple … few times.

He stripped me before putting me in.
I lay on a nice blanket in the cage.

He shut the cage and gave me a mantra to say
as he left me.

I was to calm myself.
I was to focus on my mantra.

Oh…laying in a closed cage.
Calming my mind.
Focusing on what he asked me to.

He left me in the dark….
complete pitch black
of the basement.


It was…

...calming

...grounding
...focusing
...rejuvenating

I love, Love, LOVED IT!!

He came back some time later
if I was to guess, probably 20 minutes.

He came back and walked over to the cage,
unzipped his shorts,
pulled out his rock hard cock
and brought it up to a larger space in the top,
and commanded me to suck.

I scrambled like it was water to a dehydrated animal…
YES, animal!

I was so focused on his cock,
and serving him.

I loved sucking through the cage…
slurping,
sucking,
licking.

Then he pulled back and gently touched my face and
told me to lay back down and focus…

"Yes, Master."

STRESS

Damn,

I've been away from blog land…completely.

I am sorry for my absence…
both in reading and writing.

I have missed reading about your lives…
and I've missed sharing and having your comments
(those comments mean a lot - you know?!)

Well…let's see.

I've been a bit of a disaster…

What are those life events that cause stress?

**Death of a family member
**Death of a friend
**Moving
**Loosing jobs
**Changing jobs
**Heath issues with self
**Health issues with children


Yup…got them all.

The one thing I don't have is marital issues…thank GOD!!

My wonderful, supportive, loving, masterful
Sir, Husband, Babydaddy
is still wonderful, supportive, loving and masterful.

So…all is starting to right itself and
I am slowly pulling myself up by
my big-gir-panties and
quitting my pity party for one.

SLOOOOOOWLY

So, I will start by writing here…and hope that things will improve.

I will write about my sex life…
as this is my sex blog…and I write about my life.

And I will begin reading…though I feel like I've missed soooo much and
I feel like a crappy friend for just disappearing from y'all's blogs as well.

More to come…
and by the way, I'll have to take the cage down…but it was HOT!

Cage

As I was commanded this morning 

With a whisper in my ear 

at 6:20...

I set up the dog cage 

in the basement. 

(It's NOT for our dog...

But for His bitch)

Yikes!!!  

He's never done this before

I'm seriously anxious

(And a bit turned on)

(It's all set up and cleaned...really cleaned!

Blush

"You came hard last nigh."

pause

"Go ahead, give it to me."

I blush…not something that ANYONE else can make me do,

which is, I'm sure why he loves to say things like that to me.

I turn my head, in utter embarrassment

and smile a very shy smile

(also not something that anyone else can get me to do)

"That's so embarrassing, 

why do you say things like that?"

I asked, but why it embarrasses me, I have no idea,

BUT IT DOES.

"fiona.  There is no one else in the car with us,

why would you be embarrassed?"

I smile like a fool.

"I do love that blush and 

fiona, I LOVE that smile!"

"How in the hell, after over 20 years together,

did you know to try something different?  

How did you ever realize that you could find my

g-spot like that?  How did you know to try?  

How did you know you could make me cum 

so much better after so long?"

I string this ridiculous series of questions…but I really don't know 

and really want to know.

How did he know it could be better?  

He changed his fingering technique

like a year or so ago…and… HolyHell…

Nope, HOLYFUCK!  

Can the boy make me have 

multiple, squirting, star-producing orgasms!

and it totally make me blush when he calls me on it later!

Good Night

*SMACK*

I rolled over into Sir.

I wasn't in the mood.

I was tired and …
well, just tired.

I was taking evasive maneuvers.

Sir reached right around and

*SMACK*

followed quickly by his other hand,
the one attached to the arm that was now
coming around my neck, pulling me close,
pulling the hair away from my face and ear.

The hand smacking my ass also came quickly around
and found purchase on my nipples…

"No"
*Pinch*

"No" maybe a little more whinny.

*Pinch*  *Twist*  *Tug*

"Yes.  Yes, fiona, I Will pinch your tits and 
smack your ass.  

I will pinch your tits and smack your ass, 
because you belong to me.

I can do what I want"

pause

"Say it, fiona."

on a gasp, I reply
"Yes, Sir."

"Say it ALL, fiona"

without hesitation, I knew what he wanted. 
I melted into him and said,

"Yes, Sir, this is Your body to do with as you please.
Thank you, Sir for playing with me."

"Oh, fiona, you ARE a good girl."

Thus began my Good Night…

An End To Friday

Sorry for the delay…I typed my notes but couldn't finalize a post until today.

Well, after one hell of a full day,
Master indeed turned off the lights
and announced that we were going to bed
at 9:20.  

NINE-TWENTY-PM!  

Can't remember the last time THAT happened!

He brought me upstairs and …

sadly at this point, I can't remember all that happened.
my mind is pretty mushy!

He told me to get naked
"And no talking, fiona." he added.
I talked, almost immediately
-- but I thought it was legit - I had a question --
Nope, he bent me over and spanked me as a correction.

Then he told me to stay right where I was,
next to the bed,
hand above my head.
He brought out clamps and
after twisting and pinching, he clamped my nipples.

Then, as I was gasping through the burn, 
he left and retrieved the toy box
He set it on the bed and then laid across the bed.
He told me to show him each item in the box.

I proceeded to unlock the box and
pulled each item out and then was told,
leave it on the bed or put in a pile to put back.

We had an intimidating pile at the end
and
…it made me smile :)

Unceremoniously, He pulled the nipple clamps off,
and as my mouth opened to gasp for air 
as the blood rushed back into my 
nipples, he shoved the dick gag in my mouth
and strapped it around my head.

He then put an eye mask on me
and my world was plunged into darkness.

the first wrapping - prior to cinching them
and binding my hands.  

He then quickly wound my breasts with rope…

I haven't had my breasts bound before…
and have wanted it … 
forever!

OMG, He bound my breasts!!

He then re-clamped my nipples 
and attached me…my nipples...to closet.

I sway back accidentally….ouch!

He pressed up against me from behind 
and kissed behind my ear.

He then stepped back and…
crops my ass….

Oh…the predicament.
I can't move or it pulls my nipples,
and yet, he's all but forcing movement 
by cropping my ass…and NOT softly!

Commands me to widen my stance
and as I kind of scoff…
of course not talking because of the gag…
because - I have no space for motion…

He begins to crop my thighs.

I start to gingerly widen my stance,

until they are wide enough apart

once again…the predicament…

motion required and motion causing nipple pulling.

Then he crops my pussy…

Oh…the overwhelming feelings!

throbbing nipples, bound, gagged, blindfolded, burning ass and stinging thighs and now…my pussy being cropped!

He sais he wants to get the gigantic purple dildo 

and put it in…

"O, ii oooh uuay"

"O, ii oooh uuay"

"Oh you think it's too dry for you to take it?"

"AAH II OOOH UUAY"

"We'll see. You will take it and then you can tell me if it was too dry."

Oh holy fuck…I CAN'T

AND I'm standing up…even harder to get the right angle.

He leave and I hear the condom tearing that will sheath the dildo.

FUCK!

Then I feel the dildo between my legs and I

consciously try to relax.

It's the only thing I can do. 

I'm bound…gagged…blindfolded…

It's really up to him, and in the end,

that's what I really love…

Him taking what He wants even if I don't!

He starts with the dildo and rubs it along my slit.

He starts pushing it in with tiny thrusts…

and I breath and relax and ….

It's going in!  

It's going in and not too painful!

Wow…I'm totally shocked and proud and …

mmmmmmm, that feelmmmmmmmm ahhhhhh

He unclamps my nipples and tells me to move.

He navigates me by the dildo between my legs…like a handle.

I feel so … objectified… and hot and horny and cherished.

(ya, I know, weird, but there you have it)

He KNEW what I needed and was kind enough to give it to me!

He puts me on the bed on my back and lays beside me.

He spreads my legs wide apart and puts my hands above my head

He starts suckling my nipples - which are so sensitive!

I just about come off the bed and his hand is between my legs

and he starts fucking me with the gigantic dildo.

There was a LOT that happened…

he satisfied His goal…he fucked my pussy 

until it was so tired it couldn't cum again…

AND THAT'S A LOT OF CUMMING!

(and I recall him coming like a fucking freight train as well.)

Oh was this a fabulous end to Friday, or what?

Happy Friday, fiona

Well…It was Friday.

Boy was it Friday.

From start to finish…
you guessed it…
FRIDAY!!

The morning started off with
me laying on my stomach
drooling and seriously sound asleep.

I felt the covers being pulled and then
*THWAP*

OHHOLYMOTHEROFFUCKWHATINTHEHELLWAS…
oooooohhhhhhh
mmmmmmm

*THWAP*
aahhhhhhh

Sir puts his hand on the back of my neck and then,
*THWAP*

I feel him gather my hair and pull me.

"On your knees, you may kiss my cock."
I fall to my knees 
(as gracelessly as someone who just woke up)
and fumble for his cock
(which is straining against his boxers)

I suck for only a minute or two and he pulls me off.
"Good morning, fiona."
I smile a very shy, embarrassed, satisfied smile.

"No listen, little girl.  I want to give you three good ones.
Are you ready?"
"Yes, Sir."

"Well, ask me for it, fiona."
"Please, Sir, will you spank me."
"How hard, fiona?"
"As hard as it pleases you, Sir."

*THWAP*
OHHOLYFUCKITYFUCKFUCK
*THWAP*
OHHOLYFUCKITYFUCKFUCK
I start to stand up and 
he pushes me roughly back into position

"How hard to you want this last one, fiona?"
"As hard as you can, Sir."
"Oh, good girl, that makes me so happy!"

*THWAP*

He walks away, telling me what a good girl I am
and takes his shower.
I am back to laying on my stomach,
almost back to sleep.

He gathers my hair, once again,
and turns my head to face him.
"You like rimming me, don't you?"
"Yes, Sir!"

"Ok, do a good job little bitch."

He gets up on the bed and 
I go at him like a starved animal.

I suck and lick and swirl my tongue.
I feel my saliva going all over my face.

rimming him is embarrassing to talk about,
but it's so extraordinarily submissive feeling.

He was so nice and clean having 
just gotten out of the shower before he came to 
crop my ass, Good Morning.

I rimmed him with such enthusiasm.  
When he had enough, 
He flipped places with me,
Put me on my knees and 
fucked me from behind.

He rarely uses that position, 
but it felt so amazing.

He fucked hard and slapped his balls into my pussy.
He pulled out and came.

"Happy Friday, fiona"
he said with a wink…
leaving me again, feeling shy, and embarrassed
and Seriously submissive feeling!

My Song To Master

A Be Boof Bay Boo Boo

A Be Boof Bay Boo Boo

A Be Boof Bay Boo BafBu

A Be Boof Bay Boo Boo


OK…now put three fingers in YOUR mouth 
and sing happy birthday …

Yup, this is how I serenaded 
Master at midnight 
with his cock in my mouth!

Communication

Communication…the best thing that Sir and I have going for us…

other than true love ;-)

I have been struggling with finding my submissive groove.  I know it.  When in the moment, I'm all there, but it's fleeting.  Like this illusive quality that I love when I'm holding it but which quickly disappears when I step away for a minute.  Silly, shouldn't be like that.  I've got more to manage and stress over and manipulate in our day-to-day lives right now.  I am mommy-domme and organizer of our household and it's taking all of my mental capacity to get it done.  This means that I'm un-submissive and all over the place and can't seem to get my mind around to where I it should be…no, where I want it to be.  

Yesterday, Sir asked me, while we were in bed, what was wrong.  I started to talk to him, but clammed up.  I just couldn't get the words out.  In the morning, I sent this email to him on his private account.  I had to call him and tell him it was there as he doesn't check it unless I tell him I'm sending him something.  Every once and a while I can just articulate where I am so much better in writing…not all the time, but sometimes.

Here are the two emails that we sent yesterday:

fiona  (one day ago)

So, I am warring with myself.

ON ONE HAND:

I feel like I am being rejected when I have asked for you to tie me up…in many different ways and you've said that you will and then it doesn't happen.  AND when I have asked you to please "tighten the screws" - to plug me more frequently (I know that anal isn't your thing, but even telling me to put in the plug would be helpful) - to help me a bit more.  I am resisting.  I can tell.  It's even more frustrating that I can tell that I'm doing it.  I'm stressed and sad and stressed -have I mentioned stressed?  That will help.  Submitting will help.  I know it does.  I know I WANT IT.  I hope you want it.  But I've asked several times and then when none of it happens I feel rejected or … idk.  I wish you would push…I wish you would not accept it when I clam up and aren't forthcoming with you.  I wish you would have consequences when I misbehave…make a point.  

ON THE OTHER HAND:

I feel like I have no business asking any more of you when you're stressed and insanely busy and doing a ton…both at home and at work.  I feel like I have no business complaining when I have had the best sex of my life over the last five years - last few in particular.  I feel like I am being selfish and self-centered and unsubmissive - pushing for my needs and wants and not being grateful enough for all that I am getting.  

I also think I walk the line of wanting you to be a hard-ass-Master and a considerate-Dom.  I want you to push me sometimes but be compassionate others…and I'm sure that's a minefield that I've set up in my head

ANYWAY:

That's where I am.  I will work on getting myself straight. I know myself well enough to know if you simply tell me to plug myself today or jump in, I'll feel like you're just doing it because I pitched a fit.  That's not what I want.  I have to make myself content and deal.  Sometimes writing helps me do it.  I'll work on me…and know that I am grateful for you!

Love you,

fiona

Sir Q	11:35 PM (23 hours ago)
Wow. That helps me a lot. I love hearing your thoughts and this is clearly a great way for you to express them. I now understand last night. I do struggle finding the push-but-compassion line but that is obviously not the issue here. I just get so overloaded and distracted. I cannot explain why but yesterday was not my sharpest day intellectually. It was a great day but not my best brain-game day.

I do want to Dom. I do like bondage. I do want to plug u. YOU will make sure shit is together so we can have some alone time on Friday night. I want to go to bed @ 9:30. We will have some me dom time. Put it in pen in your calendar. You will tell me sheepishly how much you are looking forward to it on Friday.

Good girl
Pretty girl
Sent from my iPod