Thursday, October 11, 2012

Smart Women, Romance Novels & D/s

So I was out looking for a graphic for my first post and I stumbled onto this article about middle aged women who want to read about sex.  So Ok - I fit that mold...I am both middle aged and - among other things, I like to read about sex.  Um, have sex... YEA - affirmation!!

Interestingly, when I went back to find the link for this post, I came across another article  titled "Why Smart Women  Read Romance Novels." When I went on to read the article, it said it was because the  "'bodice-rippers', heroes captured heroines against their will. "...types of romance novels finally went out of fashion and with the anomalous exception of 50 Shades, the new and improved modern day romance novels featured strong, smart, savvy women so now smart women wanted to read them.

So here is my issue.  I am smart.  I have always been described as strong - strong physically & mentally  oh and let's not forget OMG strong willed -sooo, ya I'm strong.  I would characterize myself as savvy about many things.  But I also like to read those  apparently OLD FASHIONED romance  novels/blogs/e-stories where   a smart, strong, savvy woman consensually and sanely exchanges her power with her dominants and gets her clothes ripped off, gets spanked, gets tied up, and  ... gets  her brains fucked out.  Now society seems to have said both historically and currently, that women who are submissive are less than.  Less than, poor us.  We are minimized, are objectified, are demeaned.  It is an atrocity committed against us...and it is considered morally wrong.  It is a pitied thing for women and a shameful thing for men.  Hmm, I neither want nor need pity.   

Now I know that there are unhealthy relationships, but as far as healthy D/s relationships go, we are safe, sane, consensual, calm, glowing and happy as ... mating bunnies  =)  

It's kind of a bummer that is have a society which says wanting pain, dominance, submission, spankings, floggings ... is wrong (my only real spankings having been given to me by my Sir).  I have also seen recent comments and posts (see June's post based off of comments on a previous post) about all women who want any of the above as having been broken or emotionally damaged in some way.  I work hard on not feeling shame or guilt (as for that past societal pressure) for wanting or even asking for a spanking.  I know there are many of us submissive out here who love spankings, who like pain, who crave dominance and we are strongsmart, savvy,  competent and dare I say productive members of WTF?


  1. Interesting post. I think whats happened is that in todays society women have more expectations put upon them, we have fought (and rightly so) for equality with men, we can hold down the full time job as well as raise a family, we have control over our lives, we are strong, independent women.

    So now to be seen as wanting anything less is just not acceptable, the irony being that as you said it generally does take a strong, self confident women to submit and being submissive does not equate to being weak, i have a full time job, have 2 children and am in a tpe relationship...weak? i think not.

    The bottom line is simply that i dont think society today can comprehend the idea of a woman actually choosing to submit, there is a lack of understanding of what being submissive means, all too often its equated with being 'less than' when i argue it makes me 'more'.

    1. Nicely put tori. Yes, I think the vanilla world would be amazed to find out which ones of us enjoy submission - both men and women. My guess is that many are people with great strength, great intellect and in some cases, great power. I wonder when society will catch up with it's understanding.

  2. Agree wholeheartedly, mlb, and I believe my wife, Joy, would agree even more strongly than I do. And I question whether the premise of the article you reference is real, or whether it's simply political correctness. My own opinion (based on an admittedly small sample) is that given two different romance novels, one a "bodice-ripper" and the other a "new-and-improved, modern" romance novel, most women would prefer the bodice-ripper. It would be interesting if someone actually did a study to compare that. There's a doctoral thesis topic for any budding Psychology PHD out there!

    1. I agree - though true data may be hard to come by because of this ridiculous politically correct stigma. Oh well...I'm sticking with the bodice-rippers, panty-rippers, hmmmmm.

  3. Hi, SirQsmlb!

    i love that you've started to blog and that i found it now!! How exciting! Welcome to the blogospere!
    Imagine that i've sent balloons and champagne!!

    Interesting post - lots to think about. For sure, i agree that being submissive doesn't make us less in any way. Plus, keep in mind that dominance and submission in BDSM are not gender based. If you forget that, even for a minute, go read Ms. Constance Explains, right? Slave Drew is very masculine, and very much her slave. So that's a whole other layer of complexity.




    1. aisha,
      I completely agree - I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I believed that men could not be masculine, submissive and not-less in some way. I simply was going off of the article...
      My Sir (who is NEITHER less than nor feminine) and I spent more then 15 years as switches, so I COMPLETELY AGREE. I do follow and comment periodically on Ms. Constance Explains and lover her blog - as I follow, love and comment on yours as well.


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