Monday, June 17, 2013

Limits and Balance


abby from finally finding "me" wrote a post about "Why Push Limits?"

The end of abby's post was a series of questions:
    So, I would like to know, what do you all think....do you view pushing limits as a good thing...does it happen in your relationship?....

So that made me think...

In my reply I said that Sir and I have pushed each other from the moment we met decades ago. 

As Switches:
   For over two of those decades Sir and I were effectively switches, though never labeled or formalized it, we just were.   We both pushed each other sexually. I was extraordinarily inexperienced but exceedingly adventurous.  Sir was more experienced, but I was a quick study =)  We pushed each other to soaring heights.  We loved sex, we loved bondage, we loved force and crops and floggers and spankings and anal play and hand cuffs and ... and ... and fantasy.  But we started small and pushed each others limits to get there.

As Husband and Wife:
   We push each other to be better, to think more, to be happy, to love each other, to find contentment.  We push our limits and hold each other as we face the demons of our pasts.  We push each other to be good parents.  We push each other to remain connected as a married couple through the exhaustion and exhilaration of child rearing because one day soon, they will grown and we will live with each other alone again.

As D-Sir and s-me:
   So y'all know Sir and I solidified more consistent roles a while ago (1 year 9 months ago - but whose counting?) As such, Sir most assuredly keeps pushing me sexually. I find it hard to believe that I have limits that yet can be pushed.  Like I said, I'm seriously adventurous most of the time.  Interestingly, as I thought about it, even as a sub, I believe I push him as well.  I push him to embrace his sadism, as he was never extraordinarily sadistic and certainly it was periodic and not a long term feeling for him.  I push him to explore his dominance.  I push him to voice his fantasies and accept them.  I push us as well.   I push our D/s relationship and he pushes back.  I think that's how we maintain - or try to maintain our balance.  

We grow, our limits expanded
Our tree trunks and branches grown together
But growing in exquisite balance.

12 comments:

  1. fiona,

    Beautifully said. You are a wonderful couple in more ways than just the kink aspect of sex.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thanks joey. That is very kind of you. We certainly are fortunate to adore each other!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. I enjoy the limits pushing aspect of my relationship. It does take me to new enjoyable places many times, and even when it not so enjoyable, it takes me mentally to where I want to be. I have not so much pushed him, as allowed him to expand his horizons by always saying yes, so he experiments.

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    1. Oh pushing limits is such a physically and/or mentally exhilarating place to be, isn't it? It is wonderful. I get what you say about not pushing but allowing him to expand by saying yes...but in a way...that's kind of tugging at his limits and allowing the expansion to occur...as a sub. At least, that's how I kind of view it.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  3. Hi Fiona
    Regardless of the nature of the TTWD, the middle statement is true for most marriages or life partners. In the bedroom I think I've pushed more than P, simply because I'm adventurous and he is reluctant. By encouraging him to join me, he's then gone on to push me harder too. It's a circle of trust and balance.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Very well said DF...definitely how I see it. And yes, I agree that your encouraging him helps him be able to push more. It's a great cycle. Kinda like the Water cycle...it's just the TTWD cycle (heheheh)

      hugs,
      fiona

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  4. Sounds like a blissfully happy and healthy set up you both have (I live a similar existence...). Glad to have found your blog through "Loving Submission".

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    1. HI Brigit *waves*

      I'm so glad you commented. Don't you just love sofia? She's brilliant! I'm glad you found my blog and that you have a similar setup...I do feel like I won the significant-other-lottery most of the time!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  5. I went over and read the link and commented.

    Its a tricky one pushing limits, personally i like being pushed and together we explore where this take us..perhaps more so for me than him.

    Sometimes i wander how far i will go but thats a domain i leave to him to dictate.

    i think i might have to go ponder this in my own little corner..otherwise this comment could end up an essay lol

    x

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    1. Thanks for commenting tori. I love your comments!! I often wonder how far as well. But we'll see when we get there - right? I look forward to your ponderings!!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  6. What I see from your post here is how well balanced and great couple you and your husband/Sir/Dom are.
    Only when things are "smooth" the boundaries can be pushed.
    I have seen couples who pushed their boundaries to solve a problem, or simply to bury some incompatibility - and that is a road to disaster.

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    1. Most definitely. We are well established and extraordinarily compatible. Thank you for your comment, well said and I agree completely.

      hugs,
      fiona

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Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona