Dom or Not

So, I was an absolute disaster today.

I was belligerent, frustrated, combative,
a general pain in the ass…

I fought with Sir, several times throughout the morning.
Late afternoon, I was driving to the drug store and 
talking to Sir on the phone. 

He said, "You know, you and I had something good going for a while,
but ……."

At that, I stopped listening and and and

simply fell apart.

I was crushed. 

I have been fighting him…fighting his Dominance and 
seriously fighting my submission.

But, BUT…I didn't want it to be over
and it sounded like he was done with that.

I know we are rock solid as a married couple and 
we'll find our way through anything but 
I was sure he was done with being my Dom.

When I came home, I cried and cried.
I was so upset!

We talked…we went for a long walk and 
talked.

I told him that I was at loose ends,
that I was fighting my submission
(to which I got a serious, no shit response from him)
but that when he said that, I was crushed.

He…oh God, the things he said melted my heart.

He told me that for years and years we switched…
that he found fulfillment in our switching,
but that he knew it wasn't natural, for lack of a better word, 
for me.

(WOW - I can't believe he knew that).

That he knew I was naturally submissive to him.
And over the years, he's really learned to love
Dominating me. 
That it works for us.  That it won't stop.

He said that he is kind of at a loss when I fight so damn much
against his Dominance, though.

He had a suggestion, that he will work on 
bringing me back in line and loving me where I am.
But if I'm simply not able to submit, that I could have a safe word.

Now we've NEVER had safe words that we have used before
(Ya, ya, I know that's not how you're supposed to do it…
but it works for us because we've been together FOREVER).

But we would have a safe word that meant that I was simply
NOT able to submit and he would stop, or try to stop,
for that day.  BUT NOT LONGER.  
He would love me and be kind and caring for the rest of the day,
but he would not dominate me at all.  So I need to be careful and clear.

He asked me to pick a word and I asked if he would.
We laughed over several possibilities and …

ready for it …

he settled on "corndog".  

I don't even eat those…neither does he.

We laughed and agreed and I have to tell you,
I feel more in love with this amazing wonderful
husband, friend, Dom tonight,
than I have in the many many many years we've been together.