Monday, March 31, 2014

Change

Change is a bitch.

Well…
we're faced with a lot of change
in the next several months.

I will hold on with both hands and try.

I've cried a lot over the past couple of days.
Sir has been kind,
but I've told him I'm done.
Not marriage wise…
just submission wise.

Funny, I'm always, ALWAYS worried
that he will call it quits (not marriage, but Dom)
And here I am saying I'm done.

I don't expect him to just let me stop,
but I am mentally fucked in a bad place, at the moment.

He reins me in and I fight…
like REALLY fight.
I absolutely refuse and fight back.
He spanks, I spank back,
He grabs and I pinch,
He commands and I refuse,
He pulls and I push.
I just cannot find my submission
or any sort of calm or
any release
at the moment.

I know it will change, but it's going to be
difficult over the next several months.
So…I will not whine and cry here all the time,
but I thought I would let y'all know what was going on.
We'll be fine and get through,
I'll find a better attitude,
but I haven't found it yet.

14 comments:

  1. HUGS! This must be so tough for you. Best wishes in working things out and getting some peace and calm for yourself.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks ancilla. I appreciate it. I know you have gone through your share of change and you know it can be rough. I may not be handling it as well as I could.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  2. Big Hugs and lots of luck dealing with the changes. I understand some of what you are experiencing, it is a very difficult place to be.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you faerie. I kind of feel bad complaining…I know you've had as much or more upheaval in your life as I. I appreciate your support.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  3. Dear Fiona, I'm so sorry that you are going through a hard time :(
    hope it will get better soon. Just take one day at the time.
    If you'll need to speak with an objectiv , non partiat peron or just someone to listen to you I'll be here:: lookingin@live.com


    BIG HUG!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks sub kitty. I appreciate it. Blogland support is a wonderful thing!!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  4. Sending you huge hugs and happy thoughts in these hard times. Sir Q sounds like an incredible support system for both vanilla and D/s life. You've got this, it'll just take some time for everything to fall into place. ::warm and fuzzies:: Katie

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    Replies
    1. Thanks kitten. Sir is an amazing guy and I am so ridiculously fortunate. I'm not incredibly patient, so waiting for things to fall into place is not natural or easy for me.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  5. Maybe keep the D relationship and let him help you through all the forthcoming changes. It might help both of you. No matter what you decide, I hope that all of it works and that you know that I "got you back" and I am sending you lots of good thought.

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    1. I know I need to rely on him - but when there is too much, sometimes I fight it. I appreciate your thoughts.

      hugs,
      fiona

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  6. Hi Fiona,
    Maybe it is time to move from the 3 C's to the 3 R's...re-assess, rejuvenate and most importantly, relax.
    Whatever happens...be happy!

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    Replies
    1. three C's??

      Thank you for the comment Downunder Don. I will work on relaxing…I'm sadly not always able to let go…especially when it comes to my children (our children)…I'm a mama-bear and it's stressful to the extreme. I will work on being happy!!!

      hugs,
      fiona

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  7. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. It sounds like you feel that you don't want D/s right now, but do over the long term? I don't know what challenges you face, but I hope you are able to stay relatively sane with or without submission :-)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks River. I appreciate your support. I hope I keep submission…and sanity!

      hugs,
      fiona

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Thank you very much for sharing your comments. This blogland world has become so much more meaningful because of the conversations that y'all have with me through comments...REALLY!

I appreciate them all and will endeavor to answer EVERY comment if at all possible!

THANK YOU
-fiona