Well…
we're faced with a lot of change
in the next several months.
I will hold on with both hands and try.
I've cried a lot over the past couple of days.
Sir has been kind,
but I've told him I'm done.
Not marriage wise…
just submission wise.
Funny, I'm always, ALWAYS worried
that he will call it quits (not marriage, but Dom)
And here I am saying I'm done.
I don't expect him to just let me stop,
but I am mentally
He reins me in and I fight…
like REALLY fight.
I absolutely refuse and fight back.
He spanks, I spank back,
He grabs and I pinch,
He commands and I refuse,
He pulls and I push.
I just cannot find my submission
or any sort of calm or
any release
at the moment.
I know it will change, but it's going to be
difficult over the next several months.
So…I will not whine and cry here all the time,
but I thought I would let y'all know what was going on.
We'll be fine and get through,
I'll find a better attitude,
but I haven't found it yet.
HUGS! This must be so tough for you. Best wishes in working things out and getting some peace and calm for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks ancilla. I appreciate it. I know you have gone through your share of change and you know it can be rough. I may not be handling it as well as I could.
Deletehugs,
fiona
Big Hugs and lots of luck dealing with the changes. I understand some of what you are experiencing, it is a very difficult place to be.
ReplyDeleteThank you faerie. I kind of feel bad complaining…I know you've had as much or more upheaval in your life as I. I appreciate your support.
Deletehugs,
fiona
Dear Fiona, I'm so sorry that you are going through a hard time :(
ReplyDeletehope it will get better soon. Just take one day at the time.
If you'll need to speak with an objectiv , non partiat peron or just someone to listen to you I'll be here:: lookingin@live.com
BIG HUG!
Thanks sub kitty. I appreciate it. Blogland support is a wonderful thing!!
Deletehugs,
fiona
Sending you huge hugs and happy thoughts in these hard times. Sir Q sounds like an incredible support system for both vanilla and D/s life. You've got this, it'll just take some time for everything to fall into place. ::warm and fuzzies:: Katie
ReplyDeleteThanks kitten. Sir is an amazing guy and I am so ridiculously fortunate. I'm not incredibly patient, so waiting for things to fall into place is not natural or easy for me.
Deletehugs,
fiona
Maybe keep the D relationship and let him help you through all the forthcoming changes. It might help both of you. No matter what you decide, I hope that all of it works and that you know that I "got you back" and I am sending you lots of good thought.
ReplyDeleteI know I need to rely on him - but when there is too much, sometimes I fight it. I appreciate your thoughts.
Deletehugs,
fiona
Hi Fiona,
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is time to move from the 3 C's to the 3 R's...re-assess, rejuvenate and most importantly, relax.
Whatever happens...be happy!
three C's??
DeleteThank you for the comment Downunder Don. I will work on relaxing…I'm sadly not always able to let go…especially when it comes to my children (our children)…I'm a mama-bear and it's stressful to the extreme. I will work on being happy!!!
hugs,
fiona
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. It sounds like you feel that you don't want D/s right now, but do over the long term? I don't know what challenges you face, but I hope you are able to stay relatively sane with or without submission :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks River. I appreciate your support. I hope I keep submission…and sanity!
Deletehugs,
fiona