Fighting It.

Well.

Hmmmmm.

I'm working my way back.

Funny, how quickly it all died.

I was away with the kids and Sir…
though Sir was working, so it was mostly
me being MommyDomme and
playing and
stressing.

This vacation wasn't restful
in any way, shape, or form.

It was extraordinarily stressful
for me for personal reasons.

The kids had fun, for the most part.

The stress was adult stress…
Sir's work stress…
Old friend stress…
Current friend stress…

Just a holy hell bundle of stress.

We were not alone…ever.
We stayed with others and
had our children in our room.

There was no conscious discussion that
our D/s be minimized or hidden or anything,
it just kind of disappeared in the midst
of life.

It's not like we were gone for long,
but I think the emotion and exhaustion
led to falling asleep with no words
whispered in my ear,
no requirements that I put on his shoes
no random swats of my ass
no looks when I got sassy or rude
no…nothing.
We kissed and said "I love you"
We held hands
We walked and talked and played with the kids,
We did dishes and talked to friends.
We just had no D/s.

I didn't really notice.
I think I was so mired in my own little
pity-stress party that I didn't let it register.

Sooooooo,
then we arrived home
and apparently, Sir noticed.

Who knew?

Well…he did.
He wasn't happy with my behavior,
my sasyness, my rudeness, my missing submission.

Sadly, he wanted it back and oh bloody-hell,
had to spank the living shit out of my ass
before I could let go.

He wanted me to admit my submission to him
and I was being obstinate and sassy…
shocking, I know.

I was just … so not in the mindset.
And, dayam, he was taking no shit from me.

He trapped me below him and
made me submit, and by the time I finally did
I felt the weight of the world slip away.

I don't know why I fight it.
I do this periodically.
I am such a dumbass!

I mean seriously?!

I do feel this physical and mental shift.
I feel lighter, I feel freer, I feel happier,
I feel more like me.

So what the hell is wrong with me that I fight it?

I guess I am still just waiting for him to say,
"Well, that was fun, but let's go back."

He was absolutely perfect last night,
He held me tight,
didn't let me get away with anything,
then gave me EVERYTHING!

He took me to a place of utter bliss.

He's got clear expectations for me for today.

I am to be sans-underwear (bra and panties)
with the dinner of his request made,
house cleaned, laundry done, kids parented,
orgasm had while nipples were clamped and
daisies on my nipples by the time he walks through the door.

Better get a move on, I'm still in process for a couple.

But I also need to remember to stop fighting it!