Thursday, March 27, 2014

Fighting It.



I'm working my way back.

Funny, how quickly it all died.

I was away with the kids and Sir…
though Sir was working, so it was mostly
me being MommyDomme and
playing and

This vacation wasn't restful
in any way, shape, or form.

It was extraordinarily stressful
for me for personal reasons.

The kids had fun, for the most part.

The stress was adult stress…
Sir's work stress…
Old friend stress…
Current friend stress…

Just a holy hell bundle of stress.

We were not alone…ever.
We stayed with others and
had our children in our room.

There was no conscious discussion that
our D/s be minimized or hidden or anything,
it just kind of disappeared in the midst
of life.

It's not like we were gone for long,
but I think the emotion and exhaustion
led to falling asleep with no words
whispered in my ear,
no requirements that I put on his shoes
no random swats of my ass
no looks when I got sassy or rude
We kissed and said "I love you"
We held hands
We walked and talked and played with the kids,
We did dishes and talked to friends.
We just had no D/s.

I didn't really notice.
I think I was so mired in my own little
pity-stress party that I didn't let it register.

then we arrived home
and apparently, Sir noticed.

Who knew?

Well…he did.
He wasn't happy with my behavior,
my sasyness, my rudeness, my missing submission.

Sadly, he wanted it back and oh bloody-hell,
had to spank the living shit out of my ass
before I could let go.

He wanted me to admit my submission to him
and I was being obstinate and sassy…
shocking, I know.

I was just … so not in the mindset.
And, dayam, he was taking no shit from me.

He trapped me below him and
made me submit, and by the time I finally did
I felt the weight of the world slip away.

I don't know why I fight it.
I do this periodically.
I am such a dumbass!

I mean seriously?!

I do feel this physical and mental shift.
I feel lighter, I feel freer, I feel happier,
I feel more like me.

So what the hell is wrong with me that I fight it?

I guess I am still just waiting for him to say,
"Well, that was fun, but let's go back."

He was absolutely perfect last night,
He held me tight,
didn't let me get away with anything,
then gave me EVERYTHING!

He took me to a place of utter bliss.

He's got clear expectations for me for today.

I am to be sans-underwear (bra and panties)
with the dinner of his request made,
house cleaned, laundry done, kids parented,
orgasm had while nipples were clamped and
daisies on my nipples by the time he walks through the door.

Better get a move on, I'm still in process for a couple.

But I also need to remember to stop fighting it!


  1. Its so easy to get in to that place of bitchiness when im not being handeled.... and im not being handeled to often, dew to stress, work and study Him and i bouth have.
    I can be really really rude to Him.... and then im sorry for my actions. But its to late. Word have left my mind and now they are out there pointed at Him like knifes.

    Im so happy Sir Q knows how to bring you back !

    P.S Its soooooo good to have you back ! Yours is the only genuinely good blog we have ever read.

    Sorry for rambling....


    1. You are NOT rambling and I love your comments. It is oh too easy to get into that place. I can take over so easily and slip into Domme mode. I am so glad that you enjoy my blog.


    2. You help me so mucg without even knowing it.
      is it okay if i email you sometime?

    3. Anytime Subkitty. BTW, I don't know if you saw my reply to your comment earlier. What should I call you? Subkitty, Hislovely, hs, sk?


    4. Oh! Im sorry i didn't see it.... sigh...
      Subkitty is fine :-)

      Thank you so much !

  2. Sorry about all the stress and not being able to be yourselves. Very glad that you were able to get back to the right place, even if it meant your bottom getting beat

    1. Ya, stress just about kills me sometimes. I need to work on managing mine better. I am grateful he helped me get back. I really needed that reset.


  3. I notice my slipping more when he doesn't catch me in the moment. I push for more, almost as if to prove that it doesn't matter to him. So very bitchy/bratty/unsubby of me. More consistently now we have check in times and he reminds me that he DOES notice and he does care. It makes such a difference to know it matters to him. Submission feels alive when he needs/wants it.

    1. I notice the same. The thing I want to work on is just being secure in my position and not being a brat or pushing to get a response. To just embrace my submission. It's always a growing experience.


  4. Vacations with children are rarely much fun for adults, in my experience and the added stress you had....bummer all around! Glad things are back to normal. I totally get the "why can't I just accept what he's giving me and let go" deal. It makes no sense to me either, but it still happens sometimes :-)

  5. Fiona,

    Wow. It did not take Sir very long to take charge once you got home. Good for him and you.



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