You know how there are those posts every once that just speak to you.
Well, I read this one and it was like a lot of things clicked into place.
I feel kind of like a new (or maybe just a bit back to the old) me!
So, I've written several times in the recent past that
I've been struggling with my submission, but I think
I've actually been struggling with my obedience and
that has been putting a strain on my submission.
The way DV explains the difference between
submission and obedience makes a lot of sense to me…
a brief snippet of his post…
"submission is what is inside and what you feel, whereas obedience is the actual action that take place. Obedience is part of submission, but submission isn't necessarily part of obedience. You have to feel it in your heart and then your actions to represent what you feel, for the two to be part of the same thing. Anyone can drop down on their knees, but it's what you feel inside and the intent behind it that holds the true meaning."
My comment to DV was:
"Thank you so much for your very timly post. I've been struggling with my submission for a while now. But what I actually think, after reading this, is that I've been fighting my obedience. I think I periodically do this because it was so ingrained in me in childhood that submission was weekness and inherently bad. But it feeds me and nurtures me. Thank you so very much for your post."
submitting to anyone…ever…
was a sign of weakness and
always a fault or a sadness.
Oh, poor so-and-so, she's just let's herself get run over.
Now the fact that I submit to my husband…
that would be a crime beyond punishment.
For a woman to submit to anyone, let alone a man…
clearly means she has no self-worth and
is week and faulty and broken.
But here I am…
I am submissive.
I love being submissive.
I am calmer,
I love submitting to my husband.
I want to submit to my husband.
So after reading DV's post, I kind of realized
that I have been fighting…not my submission,
but my obedience.
I've been very intentionally
fighting being obedient,
and that has put a strain on me.
I have been out of sorts, because
I'm fighting something that then
puts a strain on my submission which
then puts a strain on … me.
It's silly, but I fall into those old tapes
from childhood and forget that
it's ok for me to be me, and that I
need to embrace who and what I am.