Punishment and Discipline and Us

I had never thought about
the difference between
discipline and punishment.

I kind of lump them together
in my mind
so deconstructing them
in my mind
has taken some time.

My current thinking is as follows:

To me punishment
is a consequence
for a bad behavior or choices.
It typically has no pleasure component
and is much more severe or harsh.
It's meant to teach a specific lesson.

Discipline however has been
what it's taken me
more time to understand.

For me, I see Discipline as less harsh,
and as a way to reinforce our M/s or D/s roles.
It could include or end with
some pleasure or fun or continued playtime.

I have also heard others refer to this as
Maintenance.

Because of all of the drama
over the past four months of my life,
we have been really slacking in our rituals
our roles have taken a back seat to...life.

There has been little required of me and
I have lost a lot of my submissive headspace.
It's left me feeling more adrift - less content.
While some of that is my grieving process,
some of it is the lack of M/s-D/s.

Master is now determined to get us back
on the straight and narrow.

I will propose to him that
more regular discipline or maintenance
be part of our lives for the short-term.
That we work hard on recapturing our
rituals and our spanking
I want to recapture my submission.
desperately.

This could be good or it could be bad.
There has been so little spanking
in the past few months
that my skin is so much more sensitive
and I am much less disciplined about
my behavior during spankings

It will take time to recapture
my proper behavior.

I miss the contentment
that has come with knowing my place
and my expected behavior.

I hope we can get back
to where we were
or
find a new and improved place to be.

Time will tell.

Release

I had a really bad day.

Master knew and was trying.
We had lunch together.
We talked and he worked on helping me through.

But by bed time...
I was done.

I was bratting something fierce...
ok - that's not exactly fair,
but Master would certainly say I was being
cheeky

He abruptly and forcefully placed me over the bed.
He spanked me several times

Oh hell...he spanked the tar out of one specific spot
with his hand...hard.

I could tell, I was in desperate need of a release.
I had bottled up so many feelings
and needed a release.

needed catharsis.

He asked if I was done,
I shook my head no.

He told me he was getting the brush.

Now, I'm not sure if anyone really LIKES the brush...
I certainly do NOT!

But, I knew I needed him to continue with my spanking.
I needed more.

I kept myself still and waited over the bed.

He continued with the brush,
over and over in the same spot as he had spanked with his hand.

It hurt.
It stung.
It was difficult, but it was just what I needed.

He spanked and I worked myself up...
and over...
and cried.

I cried

and cried.

and when I finally answered that, "Yes, Master, I have had enough"
He spanked me three more times,
holding me securely on the bed
and then he snuggled up next to me,
and pulled me to him
and snuggled me.

I was a sobbing mess...but
really

I was released from my emotional mess
that I had worked myself into.

I was...better.

After I calmed,
He lay me up in the bed,
and he made me cum...
oh dear God, he made me cum.
Over and over, til I was mindless...
and he put me to sleep...
released and renewed.

Euphoria

"You had the most beautiful look on your face tonight...
one I don't see all the time...
you looked...."

"euphoric" I whispered as I drifted off to sleep in Master's arms.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



what a great way to end the night, huh?

The night
(the part past dinner
past kids activities
past bedtimes
past cleanup)
...the night

began with Master sitting on the side of the bed
and cocking one leg on the bed,
the other sitting on the ground.

He motioned me over
and I eagerly walked to Him.

He told me to take off my shirt...

I did - and my bra - cause...duh!

He told me to take off my pants

I did - and my underwear - cause...duh again :)

I stood naked and He ran a hand over my body.
No pinching, no pulling, nothing harsh.

He got to my wrist and put His hand around it and
pulled me over his knee that was cocked on the bed.

I lay over His knee and He again
ran His hand over my shoulders and back
and then around my ass.

He put His far hand on my neck,
binding me in place just as a rope would.

Then He spanked
with the first swat, I felt electricity flow through me.

I needed a spanking so badly.

It's amazing how electric some spankings can feel.
I melted into each stroke - from the beginning.

I felt no overwhelming sting
no urge to stand or twist away.

My body knew I needed this.
I breathed deep, inhaling each impact.

I was breathing hard and cherishing my spanking.

He spanked around each side,
Sometimes spanking quite hard and sometimes softly
He spanked erratically, giving me several together then rubbing

He stood me up at one point and looked at my nipples,
pointing out how excited I was,

He talked to me about the fact that I needed this spanking,
That He needed to spank me (which made me even more gooey inside)
You know that mental part is so important!

He adjusted me over His knee again,
positioning my breasts over His knee.

This time as He spanked,
His free hand pinched and pulled and rolled my nipples.

I was in such a state by the time He finished...
endorphins flying!

When He finished, He stood me up.
He told me to get the gigantic purple dildo and nipple clamps.

I lay in bed beside Him after retrieving the items and
He played with my nipples then told me to put the clamps on.

As soon as the clamps bit into my skin, it burned!
Almost overwhelmingly.

Master told me that as soon as I was starting to orgasm,
He would take them off...suck on them!

Incentive!

He took the gigantic purple dildo and put it in my hand...

"Show me!"  He said.

I worked the dildo into my His pussy.

He talked to me...hands roving over me.
He talked about what He wanted for His pussy...His cunt.
He used those rough words - something He doesn't typically do.
He laid claim to them...they are His!
The mind fuck was perfect!

After His hands had touched what seemed like every inch of my body,
He took the dildo and fucked me hard and fast

I came hard!
just as I started, the hand not on the dildo,
took off the clamps and He sucked.

The pain and pleasure to me is...
PERFECT!
The pain of the clamps coming off just heightens the orgasm!

He didn't stop there...He kissed me and then
fucked His pussy with the dildo again...
and again...

Then He pulled the limp rag doll that I was
over His body and fucked me with the dildo in.

When I simply could do nothing but
stare, unfocused,
and smile!
He took my mouth and shoved it on His cock
and fucked my mouth til He came!

As I lay next to Him,
with a perfect smile, contented,
I was
EUPHORIC!

Ups and Downs

Well...we've certainly had LOTS of ups and downs.

We're still alive
Still having sex
   (though there's been ups and downs due to grieving)
Still NOT vanilla
   (ya, that ships sailed...we're never going to be vanilla)

Sir is working on finding his footing...
  being a good Master and yet, being soft and sweet when I need that too.

I am erratic - yes I know that's to be expected.

But I just want some normalcy.

Desperately.

Sir is giving me more lists and I am liking that.
Tasks to do daily.

I'm wearing a plug more often...
it's so centering...though when you haven't done it in forever it's also ... challenging.

He is spanking some...though kids being around more and up later is hindering that.

WHAT do you all do when you have kids in the house??

I need a good beating like you can't imagine...
but the noise is a problem!

The sex is...good.  He tied me up and tied me down and played a lot last Friday.
That was wonderful.  Sadly it'll be a few weeks before that can happen again.

Oh well.

Ups and Downs.

I'll share more specifics later.

I will try to be back around blogland more.
Sorry for the absence.

Hugs to you all!


OH YA, the other question I had was...any new wonderful blogs you're totally addicted to or having fun trying out?  I've been away and need some advice on new blogs :)

Pics

Question...

Any suggestions on how to share pics privately with my Master...in a secure way - other than email?

Oh ya, just remembered - anyone have suggested places to purchase a nice set of cuffs and collar?

Gone

I am now an orphan.

I have lost my final living parent. 

I am gifted with amazing memories

And the piece of mind that I was at her side holding her as she died. 

But the loss is enormous. 

When I get back home, 

I will have been away for three weeks. 

With all of the stress, emotion and exhaustion...I am understandably 

Very a-sexual. 

I miss my Master - though he came for support - but had to go back prior to me. 

So I miss my Master. 

I miss my life. 

I miss my Mom. 

I miss my submission. 

A lot is just gone.

It will return, but at the moment,

Gone. 

Elevator Spanking

My Sir came with me to physical therapy this morning.

Because it's a weekend, there's no one around. 

I had a hard, painful therapy session,

But made good progress. 

Sir being there and encouraging me

And giving me looks that told me to push it were really helpful!

We left and got into the elevator. 

He pushed the button and

Immediately pushed me up against the wall. 

He yanked down my pants and underwear. 

My hands flat against the wall,

My breathing falters

And he spanks fast and feverish. 

I got a dozen hard spanks. 

My pain is gone,

My cheeks are red,

A sheepish grin on my face

As he pulls my pants up just

Before the doors open. 

What a great way to end therapy. 

Therapy

Many of us has had this experience...

We always lock our door 

When...you know...

games or whatever ensue

Except

When we don't

Everyone's asleep

No one is going to come it

It's just a quicky

So there I am

Two orgasms in 

and naked and

I climb on up...

Well...

Well, having had surgery,

I climb up,

But he's at the edge of the bed

and my leg that's recovering is

Hanging off the bed

(Cause it doesn't bend that far yet)

And.........

The door opens,

There's a scramble by Sir and me

(Mostly me)

And the door shuts. 

SHIT

SO, since I'm on the disabled list,

Sir scrambles to mitigate the damage. 

At least I wasn't tied up,

Or He wasn't caning me,

Or, or, or

But the thing I told Sir is...

"Not only have we ruined his night because he saw his parents having sex,

But now he thinks we have sex like THAT...

All wonky because of my knee!  Ugh!!!"

He's so going to need therapy!

Pain

Today...my physical therapist said,

"You have to embrace the pain
and accept the pain.
It has to be something you make one with,
because you will be in a lot of pain
to get where you need to be."
she said this and I thought...
hmmmmmmm....mind slipping to kink world

I like pain.  I love spankings and floggings and whips and belts and canes
and nipple torture and .... and ... and ....

MOTHERFUCKER

Then she took my leg and pushed it past where it actually moves and
I literally saw a red film pass through my eyes and almost past out...
and I thought...
WHATTHEFUCK?!?!?!
PAIN IS THE ENEMY!!!!
NO ONE LIKES PAIN!!!!!

Then...after the film passes and I breath again
and the pain recedes, I think some more.

Oh...that amazing difference.

Makes me wonder if studies have been done on the difference between
erotic pain and painful pain.

Because erotic pain starts off painfully
doesn't it??!!

...and then it morphs

into

lovely Velvety, Warm, fabulousness.

and I'm sure it's psychological...
it's where my mind takes me...
where my mind takes my body,
takes that pain.

Because obviously we've probably mostly all had
spankings or slaps or impacts of some nature that were just simply painful
for whatever reason...
because they were punishment and not meant to be erotic,
they were not in the dynamic of an M/s,D/s,Top/bottom,Spanker/spankee dynamic...
but I wonder...how can I tap into that transformative place...
is it possible to transform my pain into erotic pain?

Can I find my Velvety, Warm, fabulousness?

One Month

One month ago today...

I was functional...
deep in the throws of DsMs
because we have really progressed past
Dominance and Submission to a more
Master/Slave relationship.

We were into ritual and rules
I was doing a great job following my rules (so says I)
He was enjoying being my Master (once again...so thinks me :)

One month ago TOMORROW

I had major surgery
I no longer have a body part that I did
I became BIONIC :)

hehehehe

sadly, there went Ms
There went rules
There went ritual
There went anything but ...
moment to moment functioning
getting through the pain
getting through the drugs
getting through the day

so...here I am...one month

I am better.
I am still broken
I am still recovering and will be for a LONG time to come.

I am really focused on physical therapy
I have one more month of pushing HARD.

We are having sex.
We are playing a little.
I have been spanked twice and swatted several more times.
We are starting to have more ritual and rules
and he is pulling me back into my place...
because I'm sooooo not there...
BUT I WANT TO BE!

We are one month in....
and many more to go!

Beginning

SEX!!!!!

I haven't had sex for 

FOREVER!!!

well, 2.5 weeks (same thing really)

Until....

Last night. 

I have become unbearable cheeky

Maybe a bit disrespectful

And too unsubmissive. 

Master has been slowly reintroducing 

M/s into my day to day life

He's pretty done with my behavior

He's been doing a fabulous job

With taking care of his very broken wife. 

He's kindly reminded me that our dynamic

Is still what he wants and will be expecting. 

I'm still recovering from my surgery. 

Physical therapy comes to my home for another week and then I'll be going to PT. 

I still have a very loooong way to go (months and months)

But last night,

Master played with my body and

Kissed

oh God did he kiss

And I was kindly given several orgasms

And was...so turned on. 

I pushed Master to His back

(I assume He thought I would suck on him)

He was shocked when I swung on top of him. 

He was shocked and terrified - 

He's so worried about hurting me. 

I rode him and he held me...

Controlled me. 

I came with him and it was...

Maybe the most wonderful sex that I can remember

It felt so intimate

So connecting

So loving

So controlled. 

So perfect. 

After I cleaned up,

I cought my breath, snuggled up in the crook of his arm. 

Bliss!!

Gone

Was out of the country. 

Sadly, several times we were simply too tired to have sex (WHAT???)

And rarely spanking because of lack of privacy. 

But the trip was good!

One kink moment was...

I was stripped naked and

SPANKED

in front of this window!

Sadly, I'm having major surgery on Monday. 

Please say a prayer. 

I'll be back online later. 

Advice

Ok Blogland. I need some advice. 

Best place to purchase....

Padded, leather, locking cuffs and collar

Spider or O-ring gag

Nipple clamps 

We're looking at purchasing some new items and would appreciate your advice. 

More

Well..there are a lot of new rules at my home.

Each morning Sir is bathed by me.
I loath mornings...so NOT a morning person...
but I do love washing Sir.

I put on his shoes and socks like I always have.

I have to send Master several pics in the morning.

I have specific jobs each day.

I am required to look "beautiful" for Master when he comes home.

I have to get Sir's clothes out for Him before he goes to sleep.

We are having a log of fabulous sex...
and He's mastered the use of the Magic Wand on me.

He is holding me accountable.
Punishments and rewards are being tracked and given...
YIKES.

I have to say, I am working harder...
loving our shift in dynamic.  LOVING IT!

My ass has never been so bruised...
but I'm learning a lot,
thrilled with where we are,
thrilled for the consistency,
thrilled with US.

I am so thankful to Master...

A Bold Choice (Part 2 of Bringing It)

Sir and I had a conversation over the phone...

He explained that I was raised to be an alpha dog...
that I was trained to be like that.

He is so right...I was raised to be
one strong woman.
But not just strong...because I'm still strong...
but I was raised to be right...to be completely self sufficient
to be capable of everything.

And for the most part, I am.

But I'm Not.

I am capable...I am very self sufficient...I am strong...
I am hugely capable.
But I am NOT an alpha dog.

Well...I and I'm not.

I have been for a long long time...
but I am  me...I am most comfortable being submissive.

I am a natural submissive who was raised to be large and in charge.

It's taken me so long to figure that out.
But figure it out I have.... with Master's help.

"You found solace in submission because it is who you are." Master said.
"We are going to the next level."

He explained that a big part of where He is now and
where I am now has to do with when I gave him that piece of paper, as he says.
When I gave him my slave registration papers...
formally and completely giving myself to Him.

I told Him,
"I want to go to a place when I am allowed and expected to be who I am."

He explained that by giving Him that piece of paper,
we went from thinking...Oh on Saturday I like fettish play or I want a spanking.
That it was a bold choice and that I completely give myself up.

He told me that He had asked repeatedly if this is what I've wanted and
every time I've said yes...I want this...I want to be His...I want to be His slave!

He said, "I'm not asking any more.
You're mine.  
I own every bit of you.
It's no longer about you .  
It's about me."

He told me that He has some unhealthy habits to break and that
I REALLY have some unhealthy habits to break
and He's responsible to break those habits.

"I will break you of these habits.  
I will break these habits gently 
because I am a gentile man and 
sometimes I will break them brutally 
because that is the right thing."

"fiona, you are mine.  
I value my stuff.  
I don't want to break my stuff.  
I want you to take care of my stuff.  
I do want to push you but I don't want to break you.  
I expect you to tell me if I'm breaking you.
But I make no mistake...I will be deciding.  Always.
We're going to make this habitual.
This is a bold choice, fiona."

Bringing It (Part 1)

I have been gone for a week now.
Away from my Sir,
Away from my Master.

I have been missing my kids...

I have been dealing with tough stuff
stressed...hugely stressed
Getting very little sleep.

And...

Sir has brought it.

He has taken a huge leap in our relationship.

He's been communicating with me
constantly.

He's keeping me sane.
Keeping me focused.
Guiding me from afar.

We have long conversations...
and they are

wonderful,
scary,
exciting,
challenging
scary
challenging
exciting
wonderful
:)

He reminds me...

I Am His.

I belong to Him.

This isn't about me anymore.

I Am His.

History Facts

This is a fun link to

17 R-Rated History Facts They Don't Teach In School.
on Distractify

Worth a read if you have a moment.

On and Off

So...blogland...

I'm struggling.

it feels so like I have been sexually, submissively, personally

ON and OFF

I have brief periods of feeling ON
so submissive
being sexually available
desirous
"normal for me"
I feel like myself.

Then all of a sudden,

I have brief periods of feeling OFF
don't feel submissive what so ever
am sexually blah
I just don't feel like me.

We all go through these periods,
I know.
But for me, it's unusual.

It's normal with huge amounts of stress
I know, but at some point,
when I'm having frequent huge amounts of stress
it seems like I should adjust and figure it out.

Things will get back to normal,
be kind to yourself and
let your Sir take care of you
and help guide you back
I know, but I am scared...

I've never had such frequent periods
of being OFF.
I'm also so fucking sick of it!

I am DONE being off.
I'm sick of being stressed.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm ready for normalcy.
I'm ready to be back to MMEEEEE!
I want yearn to be back to my fulltime submissive feelings.
I miss them, really miss them.
I'm ready to be stuck back ON!

(ok...pity party for one is over...now pulling up my big-girl-panties)

Random Facts

So I have been off the grid for a bit.  I got my number from ancilla a while ago and haven't had the opportunity to write.  Sorry for my delay.

If you comment on this writing I will give you a number between 1 and 20 and you can share that many random facts about you if you wish.  There is no obligation if you don't wish to write about yourself!


ancilla at  A slave to Master has given me the number 17, so here are 17 somewhat rambling random facts about me:

hmmmmm....where to start?  First, I'll separate them into kinky and vanilla.

Vanilla:
1. I'm a very flexible person...not physically but in life.  I am a total fly by the seat of my pants and figure it out as I go kinda girl.  

2.  Contrary to what #1 says, I'm a fantastic planner when I want or need to be in part because I'm exceedingly methodical.

3.  I'm an extrovert who is becoming an introvert.  

4.  I have a keen mechanical/spacial mind.  While I didn't major in mechanical engineering, I certainly could have.  I fix things and build things all the time.  

5.  To that end, I am the person to generally wire things or build things in my house...not because my Sir can't, but because he's kind enough to let me because I nine times out of ten, I absolutely love doing it.

6.  I'm a fabulous problem solver and can think on my feet and think outside of the box.

7.  While many people think I'm really smart, I don't see myself as being very smart.

8.  While Sir says I'm beautiful, I do have a terrible self image.  I rarely think I look pretty....it's something He's helping me with.

9.  I love to travel and would love to go ANYWHERE with my Sir!!

Kinky:
10.  My favorite thing to be spanked with is either His Hand or a flogger.

11.  When I started out being a full time submissive (and not a switch), I didn't think I would ever love the service aspect of submission...I was wrong!

12.  I day-dream about being used...about Sir letting other's use me.  About Him allowing others to come and put me on my knees for a blow job, etc.

13.  He frequently fantasizes about letting others use me!

14.  He really wants to get a choker for me to wear as a collar every day.

15.  I really hate chokers, but I frequently wear a silver collar (the kind that sits fairly close but that opens in the back.  I wish he would like something like that instead (but he doesn't).  hmmmm.

16.  He LOVES me to wear cupless bras or no bra.  I'm slowly getting more comfortable with that.  

17.  I am still SHOCKED anyone actually cares about what I write...I am not a writer, not eloquent, write about nothing important - but worse than that....write about our love life.  But I am so very grateful for EVERY comment I have EVER gotten on this blog.  They have been so kind and supportive and interesting and let me know you are there.  It makes this whole blogland experience feel like a conversation instead of just words on the screen. 

Learning

... ALWAYS LEARNING!

So a little while ago, I had the most fabulous opportunity
to be reminded that I am always learning...
sometimes it's what NOT to do.

So, I've been at this relationship stuff for a while...
I've been at this submissive stuff for a while...
I've been at being a kind human being for a while...

AND YET

Sometimes, I'm a total dumb-ass!

So things NOT TO DO may be highlighted with...

when feeling emotionally OFF,
after arguing with your significant other,
(let alone your Dom)
DO NOT haul off and hit His arm when you're frustrated beyond belief.

AND

When said Dom gets three thousand steps past PISSED off
DO NOT ask Him what's so bad about hitting His arm when
He hits you all the time.

UM....OOPS!!!

Ya, that didn't go well.

Funny...it took me a while to get what was wrong with what I said...
but I felt pretty bad about it!
We talked about it,
He kindly forgave me,
spanked me, then forgave me.

Deep...

Master was letting me suck on Him yesterday.

I was so eager and so thrilled.

I started out slowly and gently.
I sucked and licked and kissed
and blew and licked and sucked some more.

I went down deep and Sir's hand
immediately went into my hair
and pushed me further.

I worked on taking Him,
on swallowing
I pulled up and resisted

He let me up and then after a second or two,
pushed me back down.

Once again, I was having trouble keeping him deep down my throat.

After a couple of seconds struggling,
he fisted my hair and yanked me up to look at him,

"Don't fight me, fiona.  Take it and don't fight me."

"yes, Sir.  Could I please try again, Sir.
I am sorry i was resisting.  Please, Master, let me take you deep again.
I'll do it with NO resistance.  I desperately want to!"

I relaxed and took him.
He fucked my throat.

I gagged a few times,
but I was working hard on letting him
use my mouth and taking him down my throat.

I loved being used.
REALLY LOVED IT!

and then,
I gagged, and began to throw up...

EEEEEEKKKKKKKK.
(never had that happen before!)

I yanked up quickly,
closed my mouth,
and RAN to the bathroom.

I came back with such a sheepish look.

I snuggled into his chest and he squeezed me tight.

"I'm sorry, Master" I whispered.

"I'm proud of you little girl.  
You did much better."

Sex Toy Store

Master took me to a local
Adult Novelty store...
(read sex toy store)

Sir wanted to find a bigger dildo.

At one point the sales lady asked if we needed anything.

I said we were just looking, thank you.

She offered to help - answer questions or explain anything.

So...it's probably important to note that Sir and I look...
straight laced.
I had on a sleeveless polo shirt and cropped jeans with healed flip flops.
Sir had on a polo shirt and khaki shorts.
Very conservative looking.

If only they knew ;)

So two funny things happened...

FIRST:

We looked around for a while
and then got to the dildos...

Our giant purple dildo is enormous.
and we want BIGGER?
WTF

but here we go.

What we discover is...
unless we want a two foot long dildo (literally)
there ISN'T a bigger one
at this store.
They have a HUGE selection...
an entire room,
and none are bigger.

YOWSA!!!!  That's insane!

I looked up at Master and said,
"Well, I guess this just shows how big the one we have is!"

I thought that would impress him,
but instead he looked at me and said,
"I'll just find it online."



SECOND

While we were looking,
Sir found a bondage kit for over the door.

We were looking at a display and the
sales lady came over and grabbed a box.
She handed it to Sir and said,
"This is a great starter kit. It has what's in your box there,
but a lot of other great things in it."

I kind of giggled and
Sir looked at it.  He then showed me the box.

It had handcuffs, a crop, blindfold and a gag
that I could see.  It may have had more.

Sir looked at her,
put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed and said,
"We've actually got everything else in the kit..
we're not exactly starter kit type people."

I smiled and then looked down,
trying hard not to blush too much
and laugh too loudly.

Ya...it's funny after walking around and looking,
to realize how much we are NOT exactly starter kit type of people!

Harder (Part 2)

After coming down from those
two mind shattering cums,

Sir got up,
and with my nipples no longer clamped,
he rolled me over and stood next to me.

He pulled my ass up and said,
He wanted to spank my ass...
but it wasn't going to be gentile.

This time,
He spanked with His hand.

He concentrated on one area,
spanked so fucking hard
until I was just about in tears,

When I was flattening myself on the bed.
Then,
Just before I couldn't take it any more,
He would shift to another spot.

He didn't stop, but he did change...
and I tried - as quickly as I could
to go back on my knees,
with my chest on the bed,
presenting my ass,
for him to spank.

This continued for a long time.

Then He stopped and said,
"I'm going to get the crop,
because I want to spank you harder...
and YOU NEED IT!"

He didn't ask, he proclaimed...
and it scared the shit out of me,
because it was hurting.

But oddly, at the same time,
I really wanted it.

I wondered if he's spank me into subspace.

But so frequently, he doesn't allow me to simply float,
he keeps me tethered to the here and now,
reacting to everything He's doing.

I lay there,
with my knees up,
My ass in the air,
my chest -
sore nipples,
rubbing against the bed
my mouth biting the pillow
and my hands holding onto the bedframe.

He began again...
this time with the crop.

He only spanked a few times,
then told me to get the purple dildo and
hurry back.

I was shocked by this change of pace.

I got up, and quickly went to our toy box.

"I'm not a patient man, fiona.  
You have five seconds or there 
will 
be 
consequences."

I ran!  I frantically pulled the dildo
and the bag of condoms to cover it,
and RAN back!

I made it and lay on the bed almost beside myself.

I neither wanted consequences,
nor
to disappoint.

I put the condom on the dildo and presented it to Master.

He took it and told me to "assume the position."

I know this to mean,
butterfly legs...feet together,
arms above my head and hold onto the bed.

He unceremoniously shoved the purple dildo in.

He was a little sore,
but after cumming so hard
and being so wet,
it did surprisingly, slide in quite easily.

He fucked me with the purple dildo,
then reached over with his other hand,
grabbed the magic wand,
and put it in my hand.

I had wondered,
if I could cum with the magic wand and the gigantic purple dildo.
Frequently, I can't cum with a vibe,
if I have a dildo inside...especially an enormous one.

"Use it, fiona.  Make yourself cum again.
Show me." he commanded.

I opened up my lips and put it directly on my clit...

It took a few minutes, but then I came SCREAMING!

He fucked me...hard...
and I came!

when I turned off the magic wand,
and lay there limp and panting,

He rolled me over and stood up.
He pulled my hips up and pushed my
had into the pillow.
He shoved the dildo to the base...
so it was lodged deep in my pussy.

He grabbed the crop and began to
crop my ass -
H
A
R
D!!!

This time,
instead of shrinking away from the blows,
I was lifting up into them.
I was non-verbally asking for more.

I wanted it.  I needed it.

He then told me to open my legs.

He took the crop and aimed so that the
arm of the crop was across my ass,
but the end of the crop was hitting the dildo.

OHHHHHHHHMYYYYYYYGAWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDD

He his hard and with the pain was also pleasure.

I was screaming and moaning and
cumming again!

FROM BEING CROPPED!!!

Oh, I was such a puddle of well used girl!

He fucked me hard 
and spanked me harder!

Hard (Part 1)

I don't even think I can remember all of our playtime yesterday...

and sadly, I didn't jot down tidbits to help me remember.

What I can say, is that it started out with Master saying,
"I can... 
A. Play with you and use you well 
or
B.  Play with you HARD.

Which do you think you need?"

I immediately whispered back,
"b"

To which he replied,
"You need it, fiona.  You know it and I know it.
This isn't going to be like our typical sessions,
this is going to be really hard and 
it will push you.  
You're 
Going 
To
Take
It,
Because you need it."

"yes, Sir, I do need it hard"
I replied, knowing he likes it when I am explicit.

"I know."


"Tell me, fiona.  do we need a safeword?"

I immediately replied,
"no, Master.  I trust you."

and I do.   We've never really used a safeword,
and He DOES KNOW MY BODY...
frequently better than I do.

I know this goes against so many
BDSM recommendations,
but you have to remember,
we've been together for almost a quarter century - EEK!

So then the spanking commenced, without any further ado.

He bent me over, in the kitchen,
where we were talking,
got the big metal spatula
and spanked me.

HARD.

Very little about yesterday was easy.

He spanked me HARD from the git-go.

When I was starting to bow my back,
because it was becoming intolerable,
He shifted so he stood beside me,
wrapped his arm around my waist
putting his hand on my belly,

He pushed my back down
so it was no longer arching up,
then reached his hand down further,
so it cupped my pussy,
and he pushed out my pussy,
to arch my back down-
pushing my ass out
and he continued to spank.

When he was done,
I was resigned to taking it.
and I was grateful.

"please, Master, could I have three more good ones?"
I asked Him.

He was so so thrilled!
He spanked me so hard!

Then we moved to the bedroom
where he clamped my nipples with the
hook clamps
and tied a shoe lace between the hooks
and put the shoe lace in my mouth.

He then twisted me around so
I was facing our full length mirror.

He giggled my tits,
twisted my hair in  his hands
and moved my head up and down,
so that my nipples were pulled up and down,

and told me how beautiful i was and
how much he loved my body.

Oh, can I just tell you how much I adore this man?!

He then took me - naked and clamped, with a red bum,
to the living room and sat me on the floor
at His feet and took the shoelace out of my mouth,
after twisting my head back to look at him,
pulling quite severely on my nipples.
He then gave me a scone and coffee
and told me to eat?!?!

Oh, holyhell, I was so not thinking about food.

He watched the morning news
and kept reminding me to eat.

After I asked if I could save the rest for later,
he told me to get up and
He took me into the bedroom.

He laid me on the bed,
and said that he really wanted to spank me some more.

He first, laid next to me,
plugged in the magic wand
turned it on, and put it on my pussy.

He told me to take it,
and make myself cum.

He watched me - so intently,
as I moaned and arched through my first cum of the day.

Then after I turned it off,
He turned it back on and said,
"Tell me when your close."

He watched me...
and as I got close,
He took on the clamps and
sucked on my nipples.

As pain shot through my nipples,
I was cumming....
screaming!

Oh it was truly exquisite.

Red

I took one kiddo to a friends house and the friend's dad asked if I'd been in the sun. I said that I hadn't. He said he was surprised because my face was red. 

An hour later, Sir and I are at a store and he tells me that my face looks red. I told him what our friends said. We were both a bit confused. We check out and go to the car. I look in the mirror and sure enough, my cheeks are red. 

Then it dawns on both of us...

He slapped my face several times today during our play. 

I burst into hysterical laughter. 

Neck

Master has taken to pulling me to him
and holding me by the neck
when he kisses me...

Or simply putting his hand on my neck
and squeezing

during sex,
when I'm being a pain in the ass
when I'm struggling

for lots of reasons.

It's something he never really did before,
but in the past six months,
he's made a regular habit of it.

and I love it.

I feel like the beta animal
when the alpha is exerting His Dominance

It can be used for breath control
or simply as a momentary touch or grip.

It is calming to me,
It is centering to me,
It is exhilarating to me
(yes, I often wonder how it can be calming AND exhilarating...but there you have it)
During sex it heightens my experience
It reinforces my feelings of submission.
It can be erotic as hell.

It is a wonderful gesture that is very meaningful to me.

Attachments and the Loss of ControEEK

OK...so YES, there are attachments for the Magic Wand.
These are the ones I got,
but there are so so many more.

First off let me just say that I didn't get to the blue one.

I did however try both of the white ones with very differing successes.

First, I tried the white one at the bottom
and it was mmmmmgood!

The nub in the middle goes in your pussy
and then it cups your folds and
buzzes like crazy....

and OHHOLYHELL it feels good!

So...after having an amazing orgasm
with it...

I was off to try the white one on the top
so sadly, it's not really suited to my body shape.
The center goes in your pussy,
the larger of the other nubs goes in your ass,
but sadly once I do that, the other won't reach my clit.

It was relaxing but not stimulating.

But after using it and feeling so good...
and being so primed, needy and wanting
(yes...I am such a cum slut)

So...I thought, before trying the blue ones,
I would cum again with just the magic wand...

SO I took off the white attachment
and opened up my folds
and put the vibrator directly on my clit
and turned it on
and
AND

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I came almost instantaneously
and stronger than I EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK

I stood almost immediately
as I realize I started to pee!

I have NEVER cum so hard that I peed!

OHMYGAWD!!!!

I ran...as fast as I possibly could,
with my pussy clenching almost painfully
and definitely exquisitely
to the bathroom...

then to the shower!

Then to the phone to call Sir
and tell Him what happened!

I was so embarrassed and
he was so thrilled!

He said that it was awesome
that I came so hard that I lost
control of my bladder!

He said it was the best birthday present EVER!

Magic

So...I got a fabulous brown box in the mail today.

I wasn't surprised...neither was Sir.

We weren't surprised because I had ordered it
(as a belated birthday present for me)

When it came, Sir raised his eyebrow and
commanded me to go to His room,
immediately,
and open it.

I did...and was just about giddy.

Sir came in behind me and locked the door.

"Well." he said.

I looked up with a sheepish look and smiled.

"Take it out...show it to me."

I removed the item from the box...and it looked...

very UNsexy!

"Take your pants off and use it."

I had a moment of panic...while I began to take off my pants

"Sir, What if I can't make it work right...
what if it doesn't work for me??"  I questioned.

I was so worried that it would be disappointing -
not for me but for Him.

"Assume the position." He commanded with that look in his eyes.

I immediately lay on my back,
butterflied my legs with the bottoms of my feet touching
and raised my hands over my head.

He took the toy and plugged it in.
He placed it on the outside of my labia
and the buzzing - the vibrating - was

INTENSE!

He didn't have it exactly in the right position...
He frequently plays with my clit above the spot
where the maximum intensity can be felt.

I squirmed...

and moaned

and my back arched off the bed.

He took my right hand and pulled if off of the headboard
and placed it on the handle at my pussy.

He put his fingers inside of me and said,
"Show me."

He stood over me at the side of the bed and
I used the magic wand on my clit.

I placed it ... right on the spot.

AND HOLYMOTHEROFGOD!!!!!!

I came like a freight train
in about ONE MINUTE!

I turned it off and I...well We
felt my pussy contacting around his fingers.

He looked down and smiled.

"Good Girl.  I always wondered what it was about this thing.
You always see it in porn and now I understand.
They found the magic vibrating frequency.  
Now do it again so I can feel you...
Tomorrow, I want you to play with the attachments
and when we go to bed, I'll expect a full report!"

He wiggled his fingers inside of me,
so that I couldn't forget that they were there....
and to signal, get on with it, girl.

I closed my eyes and turned it back on.

IT CERTAINLY IS A MAGIC WAND!

Double Standard

As I was getting ready for bed,

Sir said something and

I said..."you would never allow me to say such a thing!"

Now unfortunately, I followed that up with being a tiny bit cheeky. 

He quickly put me on the floor

And said, in that Master's voice,

With that Master's glare,

"What lead you to believe that 

There isn't a double standard here?"

Well that cleared it up nicely!

One Good One

SNAP

He stands next to me
and snaps the folded over belt together.

"Bend over my bed.
I know you want this,
your breathing is faster
and right now your pussy is getting so wet."

I take stock...
I can tell that,
my eyes have dilated
my breathing has quickened
I want this.

SNAP

"Don't make me ask this again,
or I will hit your legs instead of your ass."

Oh, I have that internal war...
I want this so much...
BUT
I am being stupidly rebellious.

I slowly stand up and turn around and look at Him

"Since we have company, 
I can only do one...
so I've got to really make it count."

I bend over the bed and
take one breath and

TWACK

OHHOLYSHIT!

FUCKCRAPDAMN!

Ohhellthathurt

Oohhoooohhhhhthatwasoh

my back arches and my pussy is now drenched

Why Only ONE???  Why company??

PLEASE MORE!

Easter Kitchen Spanking

I was standing in the kitchen
cooking for Easter dinner.

Sir rubs my back and then
reaches down and

Swat,

Swat,

Swat.


He spanked my ass
while I was hugging him.

It was just his hand,
I wasn't bent over,
it wasn't extremely hard,
but it wasn't patting either.

Could have looked innocuous

Could have not.

Master whispers in my ear,
"Your mom just saw me spank you."

...

and my mind races.

Fucking Laughter

So Sir and I were in bed last night.

He put me in position -

which means me with my legs butterflied open
and my hands above my head holding onto the bed

and he made me cum like a wild child.

He has a way of making me the
MOST wanton, insatiable, horny slut!

I was given permission and I all but
attacked his cock

I sucked voraciously.

Sir pulled me up and set me on his Cock.

"You do love to have cock in your mouth, don't you fiona?"

"Yes, Sir!" I said as I rode him hard.

He reaches up and fondles my tits

"Tell me whose cock you want to suck."

"Yours, Sir"

"Who else, fiona?"

"Anyone, that you tell me to Sir."

He's pinching more and I'm fucking faster.

"Tell me, fiona...what would you do if I told you to suck off other men?"

"I'd suck them and beg them to fuck my face.  When they got close, I'd take their cum..."

He's close...beginning to cum.
He loves the idea of me sucking off someone else.
(me too)

His pinching of my nipples intensifies.

"Sir, I'd swallow, or"

He starts to cum and he's pinching my nipples wicked hard

"hold it in my mouth until you gave me directions"

He pinches painfully hard and I squeak out

"or have them cum on ...

the

nipples

you 

just

tore 

off!!!"

the last word was squeaked out as the pain got so intense!

He releases my nipples as bursts into laughter...
as do I.

So we lay there...still connected intimately...laughing hysterically!

It was fulfilling in so many ways!

Lady Ps Question

1. Well...March is over but Lady P asked on last question.  Feel free to ask questions whenever you want.  

LadyPasked and I'll answer:

1. What is the story behind your blog-name fiona?  Why did you choose that name as your alter ego?

Well...so blog name...are you referring to 
fiona, 
SirQandme, 
SirQsmlb...?

fiona...as my alter ego...
Quite simply, I love the name, it's one of my favorite names :)

SirQ and me....well, that's who we are.  He IS SirQ and I'm me :)

in terms of Sir Q's mlb...the mlb part can be explained in this post
all about the name...but it's something Sir has called me for ... forever.  "my little bitch"  

Hope that answered your question.

Real Neat Blog Award

Thank you to tori for the nomination.

The rules...UGH, I'm not a born rule follower!  Blogland is always so challenging to me :)

1)  Put the award logo in your post
2)  Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you
3)  Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs
4)  Let them know you nominated them

tori's questions

1)  You win £5,000 what do you spend it on, nothing boring like bills etc...for yourself, both, home etc?
So today that would equal $7380.70 or 6817,09 Euro...hmmmmm well if I can't pay bills...then...tuition for my kids school, buy screens for my windows or a screen door or help pay for summer travel plans or buy gifts for my husband and kids.  I'm kinda a practical girl like that.  I don't like to spend much on me, but I do LOVE to spend money on my Sir and kids and we have a long list of things we need for our house. Sadly, I'd probably spend it on nothing fun.

2)  Your significant other, gives you the option of doing something kink wise, for one night, your choice, whatever you like, free reign..what you going to do?
free reign....wow.  That WOULD be exciting.  I would love to go to a club (kink) or have another join us for a night, or have him use the spreader bar and really restrain me and use me and SPANK me and FLOG me and fuck me and and and .... yikes, I'm all hot and bothered now.  UGH.

3)  Breakfast in bed, chilling together or a night out at your favourite restaurant?
This is SO easy!  Chilling together.  We don't get enough time to just chill.  We're always multi tasking...chilling means working and chilling or cleaning and chilling or folding clothes and chilling.  Just to have time to relax together!  YEA!  Breakfast in bed, no way - don't like breakfast too much.  Favorite restaurant, yes - but can't beat time with Master to hang (literally and figuratively)!

4)  Whats the last music album you bought/downloaded?
We listen to a LOT of music as a family...in the car, in the house, on iPods, all the time!

Well, let me take a look at my phone, just a minute.  

Ok, well last few songs were: an old one - Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega,  Bright by echosmith, Centuries by Fall Out Boy, Animals by Maroon 5, Lips are Movin by Meghan Trainor.

5)  What advice would you give your 18 year old self looking back, knowing what you do know now, about anything...you choose?
Hmmm...well 18 was a pivotal year!  
1.  Don't change majors!  Stick it out.  
2.  Study and don't skip classes, dumb-ass!
3.  Keep drinking and keep having fun!  So worth it.  Let go a little more!
4.  Jump your Sir (ya, would have NEVER said Sir, I would have thrown up a little a LOT at 18 if I had told me that he would be my Master and I would be submissive to him.)  Yes, I was 18 when I started dating him.  
5.  Learn grace.  Don't argue with others even if you are right.  Learn to be graceful.
6.  You are beautiful.  Embrace that!  
7.  Some of your best friends right now will be gone in the next 10-15 years.   Enjoy every minute with them and always tell people how you feel about them!

What can I say...it was definitely a HUGE year!


6)  New shoes or a new dress? why that choice?....no you cant have both lol
New shoes.  I'm not really happy with my size or weight right now, so clothes are a necessary evil and not something fun at the moment.  But shoes are a blast!

7)  Do you have any rules/expectations you wish you didn't have or are there rules/expectations you don't have but would like?
I wish I could bite his lip all the time.  I love to do it.  He hates it and spanks me or slaps me HARD every time I do it.  So it's almost never any more!  I wish i had more rules from him...but who am i kidding.  We're treading water keeping our heads bobbing in the ocean of daily life right now.  No more anything.

ok, the difficult part...nominees
trying to gleam who was nominated already...I'll try to pick some I haven't see nominated yet.  Sorry if I double up.

1)  ancilla at A slave to Master

2)  abby at finally finding "me"

3)  Conina at Exploring Surrender

4)  nilla at VanillaMom

5)  sofia at Loving Submission

6)  subkitty at His omega

7)  julie at MPB

8)  ronnie at ronniesoul


OK - sorry, I got a bit carried away!


And the 7 questions

1)  What scares you most about TTWD, and conversely what are you most gratified about your journey through TTWD?

2)  What is your favorite tradition surrounding your birthday (or if you don't have one - around a holiday that you like)?

3)  If you're home alone, is there music playing, a television on, or quite in your home?

4)  What's your favorite book, movie and song?

5)  If you were 18, found your blog and read it, what would your reaction be?

6)  What qualities, do you think, is your significant other is most attracted to in you?

7)  What is your favorite toy to make you cum?  What's a fantasy of yours using that toy?


Well...there you go.  Have fun!

Behavior Modification

I asked Sir to do something for...
US
He basically said that he'd get someone else to do it
I told him that I would take care of it,
but that he was shirking his responsibility.

He was in the kitchen with me
and walked over to the utensil drawer,
without a word, he opened it,

"But I was saying it respectfully
I wasn't being cheeky!"
I quickly spit out as he took out the
large metal spatula.

"I mean, you could do it, 
I did all of the other parts,
I didn't mean it to be disrespectful!
I quickly spit out as I ran around
the island away from him.

Our house, like many makes a big circle.
He turns, looks sternly at me and calmly says,
"Come here."
not menacingly, just more playfully.

I ran from the island to the living room
and he gives chase.

I run full speed, through the living room,
through the music room,
into the kitchen.

And he's hot on my trail.

I'm laughing
it's what I do when I'm nervous!

and he's laughing.

and he's chasing
and I'm running

he's laughing and I'm laughing

and we go round and round.

He tries to be tricky and double back,
but he makes too much noise and we simply
reverse directions.

I finally make an executive decision
and dash off to our room
I slam the door and lock it
RIGHT
before Sir makes it to the door.
He tries it and I'm holding the lock
so he walks away.

Before he's made it five steps,
I QUICKLY
unlock the door,
fling it open
and go lay over the bed.

He walks back in
and immediately says,
"Oh, good girl!"

He proceeds to spank my ass
with the gigantic metal spatula.

He spanks softly,
ten, fifteen or so.
Then he starts building up in intensity.

Harder and harder.

It's feeling so good.

Then he says,
"Say, shirking responsibility."
"shirking responsibility"

SMACK
superfuckinghard!

then he goes back to tap, Tap, TAPing

I'm starting to breath hard
"Say, shirking responsibility."
"shirking responsibility"

SMACK
YOUCHHHHHHH!


then he goes back to tap, Tap, TAPing

This time he keeps going for a bit longer then 

again says

"Say, shirking responsibility."
"No, Sir.  It's not appropriate to infer that 
you were doing that.  I'm sorry Sir.

Hmmmm...there's something to his
behavior modification.

It was fun, funny AND effective!

The Cane and the Teddy Bear

After dinner I went into our room
and began to fold clean clothes
(oh yes...so mundane)

Sir came up behind me and
put his arms around.
He fondled my breasts,
took off my bra,
and pinched and pulled my nipples
until I was starting to moan.

He whispered in my ear
that he was very happy with what I had made for dinner
and that I had not been too inappropriate
when he was late for dinner
and that I was doing such a better job of listening
and obeying.

He told me that as a reward,
he would cane me,
so I was to drop my pants and lay over the side of the bed.

I quickly did, and he retrieved the cane.

He tapped so nicely and I was really enjoying
until he TAPPED.
YOUCH!

then he immediately went back to light
taps
As I started to moan,
TAP
YOUCH!

Then as the pattern continues and I'm starting to
really let go,
he tells me to start asking for it.

So when the pain morphs into warm, yummy feelings
I have to ask.
If I don't ask quickly enough the TAP is excruciating...
ok - not excruciating but really severe.

---------

Later, I was talking to Sir and said,
"Sometimes, would you just let me float away,
and not pull my back?"

He asked what I meant and I explained
that as he makes me ask for things
or communicate, that he pulls me back
from floating away on my endorphins high into
lovely floaty sub-space.

and he laughs...
NOT an evil laugh...
a total teddy bear laugh,
grins at me,
and says,
"Well, I guess, that's just part of the sadist in me."

So freaking incongruous...
talking about the sadist in him
all the while smiling like a
cuddly, darling, teddy bear.

Oh, do I ever love my Master!

Words

Sir was playing
WordsWithFriends and announces to me,
as I walk into the room,

"I just tried to play the word "SLUT" 
and it said that it wasn't a word."

"What's up with that?"

incredulously, I replay,
"did you just say slut??"

"Yes, slut, it won't let me play such an obvious word...SLUT"

lmfaooooooooooooooooo

Blondie's Questions

1. Please feel free to ask more questions or follow-up, March Question Month is over half over :)  I'm also happy to ask my Sir, as I know you rarely actually hear from him…as he doesn't read or write anywhere in blogland.  But I can ask and relay information.

Blondieasked and I'll answer:

1.  Do you have, or plan on having a collar. And if so, when and where would you wear it. 

Sir would like to get a collar for me.  He has mentioned it many times. He wants a choker that I would wear all the time.  I am reticent.  I don't love tight choker collars.  I don't know...we'll see.   Maybe  a compromise?  Does anyone have any recommendations?  I was thinking anklet maybe?  

2.  Is there a fantasy that Sir has that you will make happen?
Sir has frequently fantasized about allowing another in a scene with us.  He's thought of a woman that he can Top and who will in turn Top me. He would like to see me eat her out and suck on her tits and her spank me and fuck me.  Similarly, he's fantasized about giving me to another man to be used.  As for me making them happen...I would love to - either.  But only under his direction and command.  But I would love to serve another as part of his command.  I doubt he will ever act on these fantasies, but I would certainly be willing :) 

Lesson Learned

Well...I was irrational, seriously pissed, and just too exhausted to behave properly.

The net result?

Me being an idiot.

What did I learn from this?

Don't every, I mean NEVER,
call your Dom, Sir, Master or Daddy

"an asshat."

and seriously,
Don't even think about telling him

"to grow a pair".

Yup, that's right...I moronically told my Master, 
not once, but several times,
to grow a pair.

I may have even shouted it.

YIKES.

Well...that was the tipping point in our fight (over totally mundane and stupid shit, btw).

With me telling him to grow a pair and hitting him with a pillow,

He launched himself out of bed,
bodily subdued me,
spanked the ever loving shit out of my his ass
and then abused the shit out of my his tits
all the while asking me,
"Is THIS growing a pair?"

(It wasn't for fun or present,
it hurt like a MOTHERFUCKER!)

By the end, I had a total reset...
we had a total reset...
fight over,
me done being a complete bitch,
apologies said and accepted,
world righted!
Lesson learned!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As an aside,
the next day at work my Sir said that he was in a meeting and
respectfully but directly called someone on their shit 
and one of his colleagues said later,
"Man, You really have a pair.  That was exactly what was needed!"

Sir called me and recounted the story and we laughed and laughed.  

Yanking My Chain

So, Today, Sir had me wear my shirt with a cupless bra

And when I showed him, he put on clamps with their chain...

Then pulled down my shirt and admired my nipples
and the fact that you couldn't really see the clamps or chain.

Throughout the afternoon, he discreetly reached under my shirt
and would yank my chain :)

Graeme and tori's Questions

1. Please feel free to ask more questions or follow-up.  I'm also happy to ask my Sir, as I know you rarely actually hear from him…as he doesn't read or write anywhere in blogland.  But I can ask and relay information.

Graeme asked and I'll answer:
What is the best way for you to cum?
Well right now, I'd say it's with Sir's magic fingers.  Even after all this time, he's learned new tricks...and he can play me like a fiddle!  Fireworks ain't got nothing on Him!  After that, I'd say with clit stimulation...i.e. a vibrator!  You add any anal play to that, pain, nipple stimulation and it just ups the anti!

tori asked and I'll answer:

1.  How do you feel you have grown since starting this journey?
WOW.  Well...I believe our communication, which started out strong, has only gotten better.  I also have, um, mellowed?  OK, so that's the nice way of saying that I'm so much less bitchy.  I don't argue with Sir all the time.  I am more patient, polite, settled, content!  That's all as a result of our journey!

2.  Would you like to go to a bdsm/kinky club? why or why not?

Oh would I tori!  I would so love to.  Many a fantasy have taken place in a club.  I am positive I would be terrified...but would so love the experience.  I would love to witness others, have the freedom to publicly be...US.  I would love for Sir to be able to spank me in public...or have others do so...or more!  A girl can dream :)